Don't Give In

Here's something I wrote earlier, feedback would be appreciated!

You look at me

The sceptiscm radiating from your weary gaze

Yet I gain no warmth from your attention

You're drowning in the depths of your insomniac haze.

 

You had it all

Without trying you were a self-righteous king

Now we're under siege from the outside

You gain no solace from the plans that I bring.

 

You built the walls

Misreading my  desperate attempts to get inside

Silent screams through soundproof glass

In the cradle of escapism you continue to hide.

 

You watched it fall

Life's aspirations crashing deafeningly to the ground

I'm still fighting against your indifference

By the hands of helplessness I am bound.

Reviews

[Stammers]

I love the first lines of every stanza, really effective. Some good images in there too.

I don't know whether it's just because your poems seemt to fit well with experiences of mine or your just that good of a writer (or maybe both) but I really click with your stuff, you really are very good.

[Gandré]

I think this is very reflexive stuff, something personal. A poem which is understood by yourself best. Thank you for entering my contest. Evocative strong writing.

[LEX!S]

it's so easy to follow and the flow of the poem is great!
great job=]

[LivingHope.]

I am speechless! I really love it! It's very emotional and greatly written. There aren't any mechanical or structure mistakes that I can see. So, Good Job!!