An Alternative to God

*Work-in-progress; I will add more as I write more

CHARACTERS

 

 

TAMRA         Leor’s daughter, about 20 years old

 

 

LEOR             Tamra’s mother, about 60 years old

 

 

EDEN             Yale’s mother, in her 50’s or 60’s

 

 

YALE             Eden’s son, in his early 20’s

 

 

                       SETTING

Leor’s bedroom/Eden’s house

 

                       TIME

June 2013

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

SCENE 1

 

                        (It is early morning. LEOR is sitting up in bed reading a book and                                       drinking tea. She hears TAMRA enter the house through the front door                                 and climb the stairs. TAMRA enters the room, carrying a suitcase. LEOR                           puts the book down on the nightstand and opens her arms to her daughter.                         They embrace).

 

 

LEOR

Tam! I’m so glad you came home for the summer. I missed you so much. I eat more when you’re not here. A lot more. I find myself buying all the foods you like, grapefruits and Greek yogurt. Days go by, and of course no one eats them.

 

TAMRA

I’ve missed you too.

 

LEOR

And you know they have this thing called the Lower Price Project at the grocery store? Like it’s a long-term project not to rob me of my entire retirement fund every time I go there to buy a couple of rotting tomatoes and some soymilk. I said it’s an outrage. I said let me speak to the manager. And the manager came out and I said sir, it’s not a project. It’s not a project that I don’t come in here with a box of matches and some gasoline and set this place up in flames, just burn it right down, give the fire fighters something to do, besides look at child pornography all day. That’s not a project. I just don’t do it. Anyway, how are you?

 

TAMRA

…Scared.

 

LEOR

Of what?

 

TAMRA

You know, graduating. Joining society.

 

LEOR

Mmmh.

           

TAMRA

I mean, what if I don’t fit in anywhere? What if I have to live on the outskirts of town, as a hermit or an outlaw or a monk or something?

 

LEOR

Nonsense. Towns don’t have outskirts any more.

 

TAMRA

You know that’s not true.

 

LEOR

I know. Don’t worry. I think all young people are scared of getting older.

 

TAMRA

What about old people?

 

LEOR

                        (Chuckling)

We’re scared we won’t.

 

TAMRA

You’re not old, mom.

 

LEOR

Darling, would you get me another cup of tea?

 

TAMRA

Sure. New bag or old bag?

 

LEOR

What?

 

TAMRA

Would you like a new tea bag, or should I just add some more hot water?        

 

LEOR

Oh. New bag. Get rid of the old bag.   

 

TAMRA

Gotcha.

                        (TAMRA exits)

 

LEOR

                        (Addressing the audience)      

I think people have children as an alternative to religion. At least I did. I think we all need something to live for. All right. I’m just going to tell you what’s up, since no one goes to the theater to sit around and wait for the exposition. I have stage four cancer. Which means nothing to me, except that I have children. There are people who think suicide should be legalized. I’m one of them. I mean, nobody chooses to get born. At least as far as I know. But once you have children, it’s different. It’s a kind of covenant. I can’t just stop treatment, much as I hate the radiation, the chemotherapy, the hair loss, the memory loss. The treatment affects your memory. Nobody told me that. I don’t know if suicide should be legal. It’s complicated. I don’t know what the law should do.

            (TAMRA reenters with a mug of tea).

But I know what I should do.

 

TAMRA

What should you do?                           

 

LEOR

Get some sleep; that’s what I should do.

 

TAMRA

Now?

 

LEOR

In a little bit. What were we talking about just now?

 

TAMRA

Monks, hermits, outlaws.

 

LEOR

Ah. That’s right. Don’t be scared. Nothing to be scared of. You’ll do just fine.

 

TAMRA

Promise?

 

LEOR

Swear.

 

TAMRA

On your life?

 

LEOR

On my life.

 

TAMRA

On my life?

 

LEOR

Nope.

                        (Beat)

Can’t do that.

 

                        (TAMRA protests, but her voice is muffled by the sound of an electric                                 guitar. The neighbors are at it again).

 

TAMRA

                        (Raising her voice over the chords)

What’s that noise?

 

LEOR

The neighbors! They’re at it again!

 

TAMRA

Which neighbors?

 

LEOR

New ones. We have new ones. The Isherwoods moved away.

 

TAMRA

Good riddance.

 

LEOR

Yes.

 

TAMRA

But this is bad, too. I mean, didn’t you want to go to sleep?

 

LEOR

Well…

 

TAMRA

No this is unacceptable. I’m going over there. I’m going to tell them to turn that s**t off or I’m calling the police. They can’t do this. They don’t have a permit. You need a permit to make noise when other people are trying to sleep. And I bet they don’t have one.

 

LEOR

No don’t go over there. It’s fine. They have a permit.

 

TAMRA

No they don’t.

 

LEOR

They do.

 

TAMRA

Did you see it?

 

LEOR

The permit?

 

TAMRA

Yes.

 

LEOR

Yes.

 

TAMRA

                        (Raising one or both eyebrows)

What did it look like?

                        (Beat)

I’m going over there.

 

LEOR

I don’t think you should go there.

 

TAMRA

Well why not?

 

LEOR

I’ve heard things about the woman who bought that house.

 

TAMRA

Whatever you heard, it can’t be worse than this insufferable strumming activity.

 

LEOR

I’ve heard she’s a witch. Straight out Salem. I’ve heard she’s a certified witch, with a Ph.D. in homeopathy. And I’ve seen things. The shades are always down over there so you can’t see in through the windows. And there are never any lights on, even when their car is there so I know they’re home. Apparently the woman who lives there spends all day up in the attic making spells, or whatever it is witches do when the rest of us are working or playing or paying bills or drinking coffee or answering the phone or-

 

TAMRA

Mom. I’m going over there.

 

LEOR

Fine. I warned you.

 

TAMRA

I’m just going to ask her very politely to turn it the f**k down. And then I’ll come right home. Okay, Mom?

 

LEOR

Okay.

 

TAMRA

It’s just not fair that you can’t sleep.

 

LEOR

Okay.

                        (Beat)

I wish I could freeze the season. So I could have more time with you.

                        (Beat)

Before you go back to school.

 

TAMRA

Don’t worry Mom. I’ll be right back.

 

LEOR

I know.

 

SCENE 2

                        (Outside EDEN’s house. It is as LEOR said: there are no lights on in the                             house and all the shades are down. TAMRA raps at the door. The music is                               so overwhelmingly loud that she needs to bang on the door to be heard.                                  After several moments, YALE answers the door, electric guitar in hand).

 

TAMRA

…You’re not a witch. I mean you’re not a woman. I…           

                        (Beat)

…apologize. Hi. I’m Tamra. I’m your neighbor. My mother is trying to sleep, and… she’s… having some trouble with that.

 

YALE

Sorry to hear it.

 

TAMRA

It’s uh… it’s because of the music.

 

YALE

You could hear my music from way over there?

 

TAMRA

Yeah.

 

YALE

Which house do you live in?

 

TAMRA

The one next door.

 

YALE

Oh. Sorry about that.

                        (Beat)

Did you at least like it? The song.

 

TAMRA

                        (Lying very well)

It’s great, man.

 

YALE

Thanks. You wanna come in?

                        (Seeing her hesitation)

Aw… come on. Come in. I just moved here. I don’t know anybody here except you. So you have a responsibility.

 

TAMRA

What responsibility?

 

YALE

To make me feel welcome.

 

TAMRA

In your own home?

 

YALE

Yeah.

 

                        (They step indoors)

 

TAMRA

Does it have a title?

 

YALE

Does what have a title?

 

TAMRA

The song.

 

YALE

Nope. No title. It used to have a title though. Also used to have lyrics.

 

TAMRA

What happened?

 

YALE

They were stolen.

 

TAMRA

Plagiarized?

 

YALE

No. Actually stolen.

 

TAMRA

How? Who pilfers lyrics and titles?

 

YALE

You’d be surprised. I was held up. At gunpoint. Guy comes along, gets me up against the wall, demands to see all the money I have. So I show him all the money I have, which is no money, so he has me empty my pockets ‘cause he doesn’t believe me. But all I’ve got on me is my notebook full of lyrics and some cigarettes. But the guy doesn’t smoke, he quit three months ago, but he’s already gone through all the trouble to hold me up, he’d be embarrassed to go home empty handed. So he takes the songbook. And he lets me go.

 

TAMRA

Okay I see.

 

YALE

Can I ask you something?

 

TAMRA

Okay.

 

YALE

Who were you expecting when you came to the door?

 

TAMRA

I don’t know. Someone female.

 

YALE

You said something about a witch.

 

TAMRA

Sorry, I don’t know where that came from. I was nervous.

 

YALE

Nervous.

 

TAMRA

Yeah, nervous. I get nervous, and I say things.

 

YALE

Things?

 

TAMRA

I just… never mind.

 

YALE

Because, you know, you’re right. My mom’s a witch. At least she thinks she is.

 

 

TAMRA

What do you mean?

 

YALE

I’ve got Leukemia. She’s working on a cure for it. Says she’s almost got it.

 

TAMRA

What? But… how?

 

YALE

Hell if I know. She’s apparently really good at medicine, or magic, or whatever the f**k it is. Top of her class. She’s got a room upstairs full of plants and herbs and colored candles.

 

TAMRA

Your mom thinks she can… cure cancer.

 

YALE

Yeah. Pretty much.                              

 

TAMRA

Do you believe it?

 

YALE

I believe she believes it. But whatever potion she comes up with, I’m not drinking it.

 

TAMRA

No?

 

YALE

No.

 

TAMRA

Why not?

 

YALE

Well, I don’t mind dying really. As long as I die like Hobbes.

 

TAMRA

How did Hobbes die?

 

YALE

Trying to square the circle.

                        (Beat)

You know, trying to make the area of a square equal that of a circle. Which you can’t do because of pi.

 

TAMRA

So if you can’t do it, and you know you can’t do it, why do you want to die trying to do it?

 

YALE

Because it’s impossible. So if I manage to do it I’ll be pleasantly surprised. Nothing worthwhile in achieving something that’s possible. You already know you can do it.

 

TAMRA

I think you’ve got it backwards. You know you can’t do the impossible thing-

 

YALE

                        (Exasperated)

Exactly. That’s the whole point.

 

TAMRA

You would love my mother.

 

YALE

Do you?

 

TAMRA

What?

 

YALE

Love your mother.

 

TAMRA

Yeah, of course.

 

YALE

Because you can tell me if you don’t. I mean it doesn’t matter.

 

TAMRA

I think it matters.

 

YALE

Really? If you make her feel loved, does it really matter if you really love her or not?

 

TAMRA

I love my mother.

 

YALE

Of course you do.

 

TAMRA

So how long has your mom been working on the cure?

 

YALE

As long as I’ve been sick.

                        (Beat)

Three years. I wish she’d give it up already. Take up a hobby. I don’t hope like she does. I mean, don’t get me wrong, I’d like to live long enough to go to college, get a job, move out and s**t, and I bet I’ve got at least another two years, since I’m young.  How old are you?

 

TAMRA

I’m twenty.

 

YALE

Yeah, me too.

 

                        (Beat)

 

TAMRA

Hey, I think I’m gonna, um, head back now. I haven’t seen my mom in a few months and we were just catching up when…

 

YALE

Sorry about the music.

 

TAMRA

It’s no problem. Really. It was nice to meet you, man.

 

YALE

My name’s Yale.

 

TAMRA

It was nice to meet you.

 

YALE

Hey, will you come back tonight?

 

TAMRA

What for?

 

YALE

To help me square it.

                        (Beat)

The circle.

 

TAMRA

Oh. Yeah.

 

YALE

You will?

 

TAMRA

I mean…

 

YALE

Please?

 

TAMRA

 I guess I can come back.

 

SCENE 3

 

                        (We are back in LEOR’s bedroom. LEOR is smoking a joint. Once again,                            she addresses the audience directly).

 

LEOR

 

Once Tam and I went on a vacation in Cape Cod… she was just a little girl. It was one of those nights where the sky refuses to go black and goes ocean blue instead. We walked along the boardwalk sharing a peanut butter ice cream. A breeze was streaming through the air like a soundtrack… like a bit of music in a filmstrip… so perfect, so fitting, you don’t notice it till the scene is over. The boardwalk was littered with lights, lights at every turn, trying to out flash each other. We passed the ice cream back and forth like some people pass bottles or blunts. Marijuana… stops the nausea but stops my thoughts too… everything slips out of focus it’s like I need glasses for the inside of my head. Anyway, the lights… these cheap electric rainbows… Tam’s always loved rainbows… she used to stand outside for hours on end whenever one would appear, no matter how small or how faint it was. She would stand there, arms outstretched, like a ballerina, arms in second position. We rode the ferris wheel together… I’ve never been one for rides, but the ferris wheel is different. You sit down in a little car, and the little car takes you up in a slow arc, and up, and up, till you’re all the way up, and then you’re at the top, hoisted above the boardwalk, on par with the wind, backlit by blue. Then you come down in the same slow arc… you’re following the same path as the people in the car in front of you… and you can see where they’ve just been, that’s where you’re going to be in just a second, and the people behind you…  

 

                        (We hear TAMRA open the door and climb the stairs. LEOR looks down                             the joint in her hand like she’s deciding whether or not to hide it. TAMRA                                 peaks her head in the door. Finding her mother awake, she enters).

 

LEOR

I don’t like the stuff. But it stops the nausea.

 

TAMRA

                         (Nodding)

Yeah.

                          (Beat)

 Did you get any sleep?

 

LEOR

Yes, a little bit, as soon as the music stopped.

 

TAMRA

                          (Crosses to the bed and sits on it)

Have any dreams?

 

LEOR

Yes, but they were all about doing chores. I was dreaming about everything I have to get done-- about cleaning up, buying paper towels, calling the phone company, preparing my classes for the fall. I’d much rather have been awake and doing the things I was dreaming about. And then, I started to have one of those awful traffic dreams, where I dream I’m stuck in traffic for hours, and that’s it, that’s the whole dream. But as soon as the dream started I stopped it. I just refused to have the dream, and then I woke up.

 

TAMRA

You can do that?

 

LEOR

You have to, when you’re having traffic dreams. There’s just no other way.

 

TAMRA

Do you ever have dreams where you’re someone else? Like, you’re a character in the dream, only you don’t look like yourself… you’re in a different body?

 

LEOR

Not that I remember, no. Why, do you?

TAMRA

Yeah… once I dreamt I was a middle aged woman. Another time, I dreamt I was a bunch of cats.

 

LEOR

You were a bunch of cats?

 

TAMRA

Yeah… and then one time… I stole an apple and that night I dreamt I was a snake, and I was on trial.

 

LEOR

Adam and Eve.

 

TAMRA

You know I never understood the snake in that story. Why did he tempt Eve to eat the apple? I mean, what was in it for him?

 

LEOR

Maybe he wanted to eat it himself, but first he had to make sure it wasn’t poison.

                        (Beat)

You haven’t told me yet… what was it like over there? At Eden’s.

 

TAMRA

At whose?

 

LEOR

The neighbor’s… I think her name is Eden.

 

TAMRA

 

Oh, I never saw her.

 

LEOR

Then how did you get the music to stop?

 

TAMRA

I saw her son. Yale. He was the one playing the music.

 

LEOR

I didn’t know she had a son.

 

TAMRA

Yeah, she does. I think I made friends with him.

 

LEOR

But you aren’t sure?

 

TAMRA

I mean I’m pretty sure. He asked me to hang out tonight. We’re going to square the circle.

LEOR

That sounds like fun.

 

TAMRA

It’s impossible.

 

LEOR

Oh. How long do you imagine it will take you?

 

TAMRA

I really don’t know… I’ll try and be home before it’s too late.

                        (Beat)

He’s sick. Yale’s sick. He has Leukemia.

 

LEOR

How do you know that?

 

TAMRA

He told me. He just flat out told me.

 

LEOR

How old is he?

 

TAMRA

My age.

 

LEOR

Oh, that’s just terrible. Is he in treatment?

 

TAMRA

He didn’t tell me. I didn’t ask.

 

LEOR

It’s terrible.

TAMRA

It is.

 

LEOR

When you go, bring him some of this.

                        (Indicates the marijuana. She takes some and transfers it to a little plastic                          bag, which she hands off to TAMRA).

It’s really the only thing that helps.

 

TAMRA

Thanks, mom.

LEOR

Of course. Darling?

                        (TAMRA looks up at LEOR)

…Another cup of tea?

                        (LEOR picks up her mug from the night table. She holds it out to    TAMRA).

New bag.

                        (TAMRA takes the mug from LEOR. Lights fade).

 

SCENE 4

 

            (Evening. TAMRA and YALE are sitting on a couch, some distance apart. Each     of them has a notebook and a pencil. They are trying to square the circle.     TAMRA is furiously writing and erasing and writing and erasing. YALE, on the             other hand, is having trouble concentrating. Every now and then, he sneaks           a glance at TAMRA).

 

TAMRA

                        (Without looking up from her notebook)

Did you get it yet?

 

YALE

Get what?

                        (Beat)

Um… no. Did you?

 

TAMRA

Not yet. But I did some research, and apparently there’s hope because of the Lune of Hippocrates. It’s a curved shape, and you can calculate its exact area.

 

YALE

What? How?

 

It has a right angle for a diameter-

 

YALE

What do you mean a right angle for a diameter? A diameter is a line not an angle.

 

TAMRA

No, you take the diameter of the circle and you draw a right triangle, and the area of the triangle is going to equal the area of the lune.

 

YALE

 

I thought a loon was a bird.

 

TAMRA

Why don’t I draw it for you?

 

YALE

Look, I don’t know. Maybe we should do something else.

 

TAMRA

No, I think I’m getting closer. Just give me a few more minutes.

 

YALE

It doesn’t matter how close you think you’re getting. It can’t be done.

 

TAMRA

But isn’t that the point? Didn’t you say that was the point?

 

YALE

Yeah, I guess so.

 

TAMRA

Anyway, the reason it’s supposed to be impossible is that pi is a transcendental number, so-

 

YALE

Transcendental? What, it meditates? It reads Emerson?

 

TAMRA

You know, you suggested this. You invited me here to do this. This was your idea.

 

YALE

Yeah, you’re right. I did. It’s just-

 

TAMRA

What?

 

YALE

I wanted company, that’s all.

 

TAMRA

Well, you could have just said that. You didn’t have to make up some story about how you needed help squaring the circle when you don’t even think it can be done.

 

YALE

You’re right. I don’t think it can be done.

 

TAMRA

Well, I’m going to prove you wrong.

 

YALE

Okay.

 

TAMRA

                        (Returning to her notebook)

Can we turn on a light? It’s getting kind of dark.

 

                              YALE

Uh… no.

 

TAMRA

Why not?

 

YALE

I think there’s plenty of light.

 

TAMRA

Really? I can’t even see what I’m writing. It would be very helpful, um, if we could just turn on that lamp over there.

 

YALE

We can’t do that.

 

TAMRA

Why not?

 

YALE

Look, there’s plenty of light, okay? Just trust me. You can see fine.

                        (He moves in closer to her and they lock eyes. He kisses her).

 

TAMRA

                        (Pulling back abruptly)

Isn’t your mom home?

 

YALE

We don’t have to worry about her. She never comes out of the attic.

                        (He kisses her again. She gradually relaxes into it).

 

TAMRA

                        (Pulling back to look at YALE)

Oh. Before I forget. I brought you something.

 

YALE

Yeah?

 

TAMRA

Yeah.

                        (She reaches into her purse and pulls out the plastic bag containing the                              marijuana).

It’s, um…

 

YALE

Bud?

 

TAMRA

Uh-huh.

 

YALE

For me?

 

TAMRA

Uh-huh.

YALE

You smoke?

 

TAMRA

Me? No not really. I mean not often.

 

YALE

Smoke with me?

 

TAMRA

No it’s for you.

 

YALE

Thanks, yo. Where’d you get it, by the way? I can’t seem to find anyone around here who deals.

 

TAMRA

My… mom… gave it to me.

 

YALE

She must be pretty cool.

 

TAMRA

She is.

 

YALE

I’d like to meet her. The mom who shares weed with her daughter. That’s like, holy.

 

TAMRA

Mmmh.

 

YALE

Do you mind if I smoke?

 

TAMRA

No, not at all.

 

YALE

                        (Pulling a bong and a lighter out of his pocket)

I’ve been craving this all day. You’re pretty psychic.

 

TAMRA

Am I?

 

YALE

Yeah. I bet you could make a lot of money working in one of those psychic booths, reading tarot cards and palms and futures and fortunes.

                        (He lights up and takes a hit).

 

 

TAMRA

I’ve always wondered about psychics… like, how many of them are really psychics, how many of them really think they’re psychics-

 

YALE

And how many of them know they’re faking.

 

TAMRA

Yes!

 

YALE

Yeah, I’ve thought about that too. Here, wanna hit?

 

TAMRA

All right.

 

                        (She takes the bong from YALE and brings it to her lips. YALE lights it                               and TAMRA inhales sharply. She holds her breath for a few seconds and                                   then exhales, coughing. She hands the bong back to YALE).

 

YALE

                        (Playfully)

Hey! You got lipstick all over my bong!

 

TAMRA

                        (Coughing or laughing or both)

Sorry!

 

YALE

That’s okay. Hey, you’re so far away. I can’t believe you can even hear me from way over there.

 

TAMRA

I’m right here. I’m right next to you.

 

YALE

Yeah but that’s far.

 

TAMRA

I could... come closer if that would make it easier… for you to hear me.

 

YALE

What?

 

TAMRA

I could come closer.

 

YALE

Huh?

 

                        (TAMRA moves in closer to YALE. He puts his arms around her).

 

TAMRA

I SAID I CAN COME CLOSER.

 

YALE

Yeah, okay, if you want.

 

                        (They erupt with laughter. Cackling mightily, TAMRA falls off of the                                  couch and onto the floor. In the process, she knocks over the table in front                              of the couch. The contents of the table also fall to the floor; some of them                                fall onto TAMRA).

 

TAMRA

Ow! Yo! Dude! We have to turn on a light!

 

YALE

Why do you keep saying that?

 

TAMRA

Because I can’t see anything.

 

YALE

You don’t have to see anything. Stop obsessing. I’ll clean up the mess in the morning.

 

TAMRA

No, I’m serious. We really need some light in here. I don’t want to keep banging into s**t.

 

YALE

Just relax. Stop being so paranoid.

 

TAMRA

I’m not paranoid. I just-

 

 

YALE

You’re what? Afraid of the dark?

 

TAMRA

I want to be able to see so I don’t-

 

YALE

You want to see, fine. But there are other ways of seeing.

 

TAMRA

What are you talking about?

 

YALE

Vision isn’t seeing. It’s not the same thing. Vision is what your eyes take in; it’s always other; it’s always outside you. The only way you can ever see yourself is in a mirror, and even then, you’re looking at somebody else. The other senses aren’t like that. Sometimes you’re in a room with someone and you hear a sound like someone breathing, and you’re not sure who’s just exhaled, you, or them, or both of you together. You see? Sight is like speech. It prevents you from really listening.

 

TAMRA

Okay, but it also prevents you from knocking into furniture in other people’s homes, especially when don’t know where anything is because you’ve only been there once before, and not for very long, and the conversation was so weird you didn’t pay any attention to what the room looked like.

 

 

YALE

Is that really all you care about? How the interior of my house looks? Or doesn’t look? Or whatever the f**k?

 

TAMRA

No!

 

YALE

Liar. You’re lying.

 

TAMRA

What? Really?.

 

YALE

You’re lying. You’re lying in my living room.

 

TAMRA

I’m not. I swear.

 

 

YALE

Whatever. Forget it. I’m tired. Do you wanna… um…

 

TAMRA

Do I want to what?

 

YALE

…Go?

 

TAMRA

Oh. You mean like… leave?

 

YALE

Yeah, uh… yeah.

 

 

TAMRA

Yeah, you know what, I do. I do want to leave because even though you asked me here, practically begged me to come here on your knees, I’m not having fun. And I bet you’ll miss me, too, because I’m the only friend you have here and I bet you won’t make any more ‘cause you’re nuts.

 

 

YALE

I’m nuts? I’m nut nots. You’re nuts. You’re bonkers. You’re a wacko pseudo-intellectual hipster poser girl and you’re crazy. I wish I never invited you over.

                        (TAMRA starts to leave).

Next time I play my music too loud don’t come over ‘cause I won’t turn it down.

 

                        (Blackout).