Calling All Patriots

Calling All Patriots

A Poem by Montag


Calling All Patriots


 “Attention Patriot-Mart shoppers.  Congratulations.  In the face of society’s ongoing decline, you have remained patriots and great Americans.  We salute you. 

That’s why, for the next ten minutes only--on aisle nine--the following items are available at half their regular price: flamethrowers, breath mints, flag lapel pins that shoot poison darts and anti-vaccine wipes.

Patriots, have you considered what you would do if an atom bomb went off while you were getting a colonoscopy?  Or if your family were kidnapped in the midst of societal decline and the government refused to help because of critical race theory?  We’ve got you covered on aisle eleven, where everything is available.  And we mean everything: galoshes, geraniums, gas masks, lithium, Viagra, tequila, tweezers, bandoliers, serapes, inflatable gallows, dialysis machines, Rockstar energy drink.  And lots of other cool merch. 

Still clinging to your religion and your guns?  For a limited time, you can save your country on aisle four.  That’s aisle four.  Be sure to bring a major credit card.

American patriots!  Like all patriotic Americans you are patriotic and love America.  Certainly not its schools, corporations, government, judiciary, media, police or armed forces, but everything else. 

So we’re now offering a patriots-only special at the low, low price of $19.95--that’s right $19.95 on aisle seven gets you the tactical goggles, the boogaloo bug out bag and a case of red, white and blue toilet paper which in the coming war between the classes you can use to wipe your patriotic asses.

Thank you for shopping at Patriot-Mart.”

© 2021 Montag

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This is such a clever expose on our government which is not very much For the People.
Yet, we elect the crazies and then blame them.
WE need better choices.
Sure like this one.

Posted 6 Days Ago


6 Days Ago

Thanks for commenting Jacob.
I really enjoyed this satirical look at our politics of today. Just yesterday I submitted my own chiding those who argue vehemently against political elitism, while ignorantly casting their vote for it by sending the elitist class to run the government and rob it blind. Which leads me to ask them cynically "So how is that protest vote of yours going?".Freedom isn't a right, it's something you have to work with vigilance to maintain. Voting is a right but as we see that is slowly being taken away. Indifference is a death to a democratic society. You get the government you vote for. Sending rich and affluent people to congress who only serve their own self interests is the oppitomy of ignorance in a voter who is poor and only making ends meet. Thank you for your humorous take on our descending democracy into plutocracy. Clean up on aisle four, we have another dumb Karen insurrection going on in that aisle, shoppers of color be aware. Hahaha.

Posted 1 Week Ago


6 Days Ago

You got it Carlos. Thank you.

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2 Reviews
Added on July 17, 2021
Last Updated on July 19, 2021
Tags: politics