Dreams on B Street

when dreams seem unattainable

I wanted the world.
I wanted the world to see my face
full of honey dew droplets.
I wanted the world to see my face
as I stand outside in the rain,
arms by my side staring into the light
of that stoplight over there.
It’s stuck on red.

It’s been 30 and it hasn’t blinked.
It’s been 60 and I haven’t blinked.

I wanted to see the world.
I wanted to see the world as it twirls
around through the seasons.
I wanted to see sunny skies and flower fields;
kids as they splash in chlorine
and shout through the streets;
the first snow of the season
and my blue feet;
they stand bare-naked in the rain.

I stare bare-naked at a stoplight.
I am asked to go inside.

I wanted to see my world.
I wanted to see college graduation
and my first job working for a good organization.
I wanted to see people look at me with a smile on their faces,
“thank you”.
I wanted to hear “I love you” from my first boyfriend’s lips
and my cheeks go red after our first kiss.
I wanted to see romance movies fail to compare
to the trials and tribulations we went through.
I miss you.

A tear goes down my cheek.
I’m shoved onto a leather seat.

I wanted to see their world.
I wanted to see a place where dreams existed.
I wanted to work for another team-
I wanted to be forgotten.
I used to really want that.

I want to have a world.
I want to be able to hug my mother,
I want my father’s emotional support.
I want to want to have kids.
I want to raise them without fear
and with a job where I don’t have to fear
if its the last day of 3 months.

I want to have a world where I can see myself
growing up, not breaking down
bit by bit on my phone calling someone
who knows me but will never understand
as much as she wants.

Mom...

She will never see a world that is not her own.
She will never experience life with a brain
that has many folds.
I hope that she will, but I know she won’t.
I want to have a world,
so I can have a life of my own.