Pain in the a*s

Sometimes, life dishes out the unexpected irony.

Josephine barged into the room. She blocked my access into Daniel's room with her hefty frame. She could've been a bouncer at any reputable nightclub. Her blond wispy hair was tied into a thin pony. What she lacked in hair volume she made up for with her voice.

 

'Dan! Did you touch my stuff?'she asked. Actually, she didn't ask, it was merely a rhetorical question. Her voice indicated that Daniel was guilty.

 

'Huh?' Dan snorted. From the peep holes made by Josephine's profile I could see Dan's feet dangling from his bed. I surmised he was lying down. His bedroom had a stuffy boy's room mustiness. It always rocked my nasal passages whenever I went in to visit him. I would instinctively hold my breath before opening his bedroom door.

 

'Where is it? You give it now or I tell mom!' Josephine stepped into the room, hands on hips, lips pursed.

 

'What are you talking about? Get out my room freak!' Dan retorted. He was lying down. Josephine had disturbed his afternoon nap.

 

'Give it!'

'I don't have it! Now go away!' Dan turned his back from the giant figure that loomed inches from his bed.He covered his head with his pillow.

 

Josephine began her wild search for her mysterious 'it'. She bent down and looked underneath the bed. Fishing out dirty underwear and socks, she scowled with disgust at her finds. She reached for the drawer handle but was intercepted by Daniel. He clutched her wrist and pushed her away from the bedside table with his free hand. Josephine tumbled backwards, her arms wheeling in circles like Neo in the matrix. She fell onto the wooden floor with a cracking bang.

 

'Ow!' she screamed

'It wasn't that hard. Get up and get out!' 

'I can't.' She said, tears dripping onto the floor. Her face was beet red.

' Come on, it wasn't that bad.'

'I said I CAN'T GET UP!'

 

I decided to help out at this point. I enjoyed their rows but it seemed to have come to an end. Josephine was sitting on her tush with legs splayed into a v-shape. Her back slouched and bouncing awkwardly up and down from her sobbing. I took her arm gently and coaxed her to stand. She jerked in pain. The cause of her discomfort was her rear.

 

Mandy, her mom came in.

'What is going on?' she asked. Her red and orange striped apron soiled with cooking ingredients.

'She fell.' said Dan.

'What was she doing?'

'Nothing. We were just talking.' Dan seemed at ease with his unbelievable fib.

Josephine was silenced by the throbbing rear. The tears were now flowing rapidly. A small puddle formed near her big toes.

'Then why is she crying? I don't think-'

'Ow! I think I need  the doctor NOW!' Josephine howled.

 

Mandy took Josephine to the doctor. It was a splinter that had wedged itself comfortably in the crack of Josephine's bottom. The days following that incident were peaceful. Josephine passed the days lying on her stomach reading Jayne Austen novels in her bedroom. I visited her occasionally and Dan seemed amused by the event.

 It was a winter afternoon. Dan's curtains were drawn and we were speaking garbage in his scant lit room. 

'Know what?' he said

'What?'

"My sister's a pain in the a*s!' 

 

Reviews

[Legion]

Great little story. Became riveted with the first paragraph. I remember when I broke my a*s. It was years ago. Fell down really hard and put a big crack in it right down the middle. :)

[Enigma]

Awesome!!! That was really funny.Hilarious, to be honest.The second last paragraph made me laugh even harder.And the last line was a finishing touch.
Great Job!!!....and keep writing