The Dying of Jebediah O'Higgins

The Dying of Jebediah O'Higgins

A Story by Erudite

A rather short and humorous story

Jebediah O'higgins grabs his chest in the middle of a fully booked restaurant, his wife across the table lets out a gasp for she knew his heart must be sputtering.

Then Jebediah falls to the floor, his face scrunched in pain. His wife screams "Somebody help! His heart's given up on him!"

A fine-suited man throws his silverware aggressively down onto his plate. He then runs over to where Jebediah lay grunting in pain.

"Excuse me, Ma'am, I'm a f****n' doctor! Lemme help!"

Jebediah sat up "No! Don't you dare!"

"Wh-why not? I'm a doctor! I can save your life!" The doc replied.

"Because, damnit! Haven't you heard that Kansas song?" The dying man scavenged his last breath and burst into singing:

~~"If I claim to be a wise man, well, it surely means that i don't know!"~~

"But, sir, I'm a cardiologist."

"Of course you are! But I'd never trust a damned doctor with a matter as serious as my life and health!"

And, with those being his last words, the pain of Mr. O'higgins' heart did take him away. No longer would he sit through mediocre date night meals with his aging wife.

"No!! Don't leave me Jeb!" Cried his wife.

"Ma'am, your husband was somewhat of a moron, wasn't he?" Asked the doctor.

"Oh, yes he was, beyond any doubt. He was a man of the dullest capacities. A thick witted twit, cross-eyed and vulgar in demeanor."

"Yeah... Okay well I'm gonna get back to my spaghetti. You have a nice evening ma'am."

The doctor steps over Jebediah's lifeless body, back to his table.

"You too doctor, merry Christmas." Replied the lady.

© 2019 Erudite

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Added on December 15, 2019
Last Updated on December 15, 2019
Tags: Poems, writing, vagueness



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