Some Kind Of A Diary

Something I tried when my psych medication gave me some kind of hope and then life happened or whatever. Anyway... Oh and I never finished writing it and never revised it. Just raw.

2/10

He's addicted to love, lust, knowledge and euphoria

Not found in life, experience nor a personal utopia

Can one be you or with you? just not without a you,

any you, all of you, or at least just a few

with whom he could capably travel through the hue

starting from the blue and onto the fiery red

as a needle would guide a tiny fragile thread

For that one has long been neglected and unfed

his human emotions as good as a man who's dead

whose own flesh he's sliced and all hair he's shed

confined only to his tiny lonesome little deathbed.

3/10

As voices he's heard have been foiled and undone

And illusive images he's seen have been washed up

People he's forever known mocked up and blown up

That shriveled up mind of his shook up and filled up

with hope, joy and emotions he's always doubted.

His soul re-hydrated and feelings now grounded,

his mind grew wary for it has been blindsided

by the sudden change and the good it brought

like any man would be dealing with a fraud,

for everyone's experience has always taught

a stable state of mind has never been caught

however hard and badly it has been sought.

4/10

He's felt the kiss of warm skins before

but never for the satisfaction he bothered for

as if all consequent emotions has been numbed

as consequence he needed to dig deeper and eager

to feel that bitter sweet tune he's always hummed

And to innocent good friends he was a cheater

for the innocence of a hug wasn't enough

and the fire in his pants called the bluff

for what lacked in surface he sought in depth

until he and his counterpart was out of breath

and what started as a comforting embrace

was too narrowed and even negated in space

6/10

Does lust work like hunger, is it as essential

to feel other people's up, sure it is beneficial

to the mind and body alike, to move in harmony

within another's space at an escalating pace

then why does it feel this much of a fellony

as he is so drawn to her sleep deprived face

yet his brain screams your hearts aren't each others

So let your longing be fathered and heart smothered

8/10

His ears were begging for silence and body for rest

As he was bothered by the anxiety made by a test

He made his way through the intimadating crowds

Just for a cup of coffe to find some time for an out

attempting to slow back down the ever clicking clock

and ever so slightly recharge his now depleted stock

of those pointless words and soulless empty smiles

He so very needed to verbalize and free up his sighs

to the crowd of honest greens hanging in the garden

those are the only living beings granting pardon

for being him and for him just staring at them 

15/10

Is it supposed to be this empty, this lonely?

Is it the same for everybody or is it only He?

Trying to stay available and online at all times

Just to force himself onto another, it's fine.

It will be, it is supposed to be after all.

He now knows how to get up after all falls.

Be it sudden, slow enormous or even small.

After all, a fall is a fall however it comes to be.

16/10

Today, He as usual faked initiative to talk to his friend

But all he got in return is, "when is this going to end"

A facial expression he knew how to perfect all too well

A friend who gave him the expectation to be soul-bound

And what a disappointment he so unexpectedly, unforgivably found

Can it get any harder to connect to these unwilling people

He was there when he was needed most but like a needle

He was nothing but utterly small for a simple reciprocation

His life really is nothing but a series of complications

of his really simple yet unyielding mental condition.

Why blame him for his medication being inefficient

why would he lie about taking them to you of all

He bares no fear nor grudge no negativity as sufficient

Not to a friend, what he thought of as a net for his falls