Dear Anxiety

Living with anxiety and changing its name.

Dear Anxiety

You were the mean friend
Full of good intentions
Expressed through poisonous thoughts
Hesitations and second guessing
And frantic fear of the worst.

We've lived together for years
Me, putting on a brave face
As you whisper panic into my ear
Keep my armour on, have a plan B...
We're only attending a birthday party.

At moments of peace and triumph
In the tranquility of night
You say something can't be right
Someone is out to get me
Don't get comfortable, be ready for a fight.

It's been decades, I have grown
Though you've been right sometimes
You've also been wrong
It's okay, I understand
You've readied our swan song.

But life happens anyway, I can only control me
The outcomes of our choices
No matter what they've been
Have long come and gone
Yet still haven't killed me.

So take a break, my Anxiety
We'll be alright
You've taught me much
You've kept me safe
You've also killed my light.

Now take a back seat
I remember the lessons
Watch me fail, try, grow
Rename yourself Wisdom
And be my friend, once more.

Author's Note

Living with anxiety is like living with a scaredy cat monster in your head, making its fears into yours. Anxiety can be useful, sometimes when it's right, we are grateful... but things happen anyway with or without the anxiety attack. I got tired of always going 100 miles an hour, always thinking 100 steps ahead, never being in the moment. I still have anxiety, but I learned to heed its warnings without letting it attack me.

Reviews

[Pete]

a mixed blessing not easy to live with. it has a self-preservation purpose but can also be paralyzing. i like how the author talks to it. stuff happens in life that we can't control - can be overcome with attitude that we control. good, solid write ... :)

[A. Musing]

Thanks Pete, it is as you call it, a mixed blessing. Perhaps it comes with having control/perfectionist issues, but once you realise we have little control except over ourselves, you learn to turn down Anxiety's volume.

Thanks for the encouragement and review! 😊

[Einstein Noodle]

love this .. i am an introvert and so its the inner life that challenges me more than not ... fear and anxiety go hand in hand and as your poem points out ... can actually be an allies ... in states of fear and anxiety decisions can not be made well ... the turmoil and roiling chaos won't allow it .. seems only when we can sit back detached and say ... ok ... go ahead and blast away ... i will just sit here and watch knowing it is not "me" ... not the real me ... love the wisdom in "Dear Anxiety" ... in small doses can make us cautious and prepared .. like the title as it instantly gives an impression of an intimate relationship ... in reading your Author's Note .. i say good on you .. learning the detachment from such things is the power that doesn't just defeat it ..but puts it outside the ring .. unable even to climb in ;) lots of meat in your poem ..my cup of tea dahlink!
E.

[A. Musing]

Thanks E, glad you enjoyed it. I've become a closet introvert over the years, if that makes sense. It's quite ironic, especially as a PR manager... the most antisocial PR manager I know, lol. The art of detachment helps me cope, and as you say "I will just sit here and watch knowing it's not me".

Thanks for the review, much appreciated.

[Einstein Noodle]

a closet introvert :)))))))))))))))))))) that's hilarious to me ... and you are in PR? too cool ... sometimes forced outside our "box" is a good thing ... :)

[Paul Bell]

Living with anxiety but still living.
A bit of friend and foe rolled into one.
You've got it spot on, it's always going to be there and you're going to be there with it.

[A. Musing]

Yes, that mean friend who keeps putting you down "for your own good". Thanks for the review, much appreciated!