LIFE's RING

Step into the Ring...what's YOUR approach?

When you stepped into his ring,

At a tender young age.

He babied you abit,

Like a newly crowned king,

Trained you up well,

To cover all your bases.

Defend yourself from,

Your peers’ overwhelming graces.

 

He taught you

To bounce back,

When you were punched

onto the ropes.

How to parry your way

Through it

How to rebuild on

your hopes.

 

Then you got seedy,

thought you owned Life’s Ring.

Knocked out several of His students

With your surfeit greed. 

You challenged your Master,

With a wager to secede.

He looked down for a moment,

Before he sighed ‘indeed’.

 

Life was fast

and robust,

He ducked your rights,

With deadly speed.

Dodged your lefts

with precise ease

And delivered his own

accurately.

 

Sweat dripping down your brow,

You can barely stand up.

Cuts countless on your face,

Tasting blood in your mouth.

Yet here Life comes again

His gloves poised in bout,

Your vision goes black as

You’re viciously knocked out!

 

Author's Note

I think i underdeveloped what this piece could have been. Your additions/subtractions/thoughts/distastes are highly welcome:)

Reviews

[Judy Ponceby]

Fascinating metaphor for life. Overall I feel this is very well done. I think you could have expanded a bit more on the theme. Most of this flows beautifully, nice rhythm. This stanza I stumbled a bit through,


He taught you
To bounce back,
When you were punched
onto the ropes.
How to parry your way
Through it
How to rebuild on
your hopes.

I like the images, but I think given the quality of the other stanzas perhaps this deserves a little editing.

I am enjoying your work, keep it up :)

[Thea Fuentebella]

what a clever way to right about life. a definite knock-out. haha
thumbs up on this!

[Tate Morgan]

Oh life has knocked me out many times I imagine the world is that way for someof us

[Knoxxeh]

I love how you messed with words here its turned out great i like how life is interpreted in this piece great job man keep it going

[Quinn Blackburn]

Good metaphor, vivid images, dynamic... an excellent wordcrafting! I like how it recognizes that we all take a pummeling from Life from time to time. Life wants us to summon the will to pick ourselves up once more, and continue. Yet, we all know that eventually our time in the ring will be done.

As for being "underdeveloped"... Sometimes we are our own worst critics, and sometimes we just intuitively know that a piece isn't quite finished yet. The trick lies in spotting the difference, and nobody can do that but you!

[Ruth]

I love this! A clever write love! This shows that life is indeed, well....how can I say this? Packs the punch where and when we least expect it! Always a battle to everyday! You explain life in dramatic terms and you know what? That is excellent! Life is not roses and frills! It is raw! xx

[emmajoy]

You played with words here, played the boxing game with life itself and tho an apparent loser in the ring, came out as a winner through lessons learned in the ups and downs of life.

Your words seem fine to me. Maybe slowly read them aloud, listen to the flow, meter,etc .. if there's anything that doesn't seem right in this or any other write it'll show itself .. otherwise, go easy on yourself!:)

[Alvin L. Kathembe]

"Then you got seedy"

feels weird, dunno...try another word

otherwise, I'm really, really impressed with this one!you took the life/boxing analogy and developed it beautifully...i like how "He" is the Trainer, and once we start trying to do it on our own, we start taking life's punches. great job, and subtle inference with the "He"


"Sweat dripping down your brow,
You can barely stand up.
Cuts countless on your face,
Tasting blood in your mouth.
Yet here Life comes again
His gloves poised in bout,
Your vision goes black as
You’re viciously knocked out!"

great last stanza...i think you've developed the idea enough, the point is driven home. Great work!

[Rossen]

flow like this replaces the could haves
like a good counter punch to the hook

[Coyote Poetry]

I tries to be a boxer when I was young. I met people with more anger and skill in the ring. I learn I could do more with my mind then my fist. I like this poem. Fighting can be done with pen and voice too. Great people lost more then they won. But those victories are remembered. A powerful poem. Anger can motivate people to great things. A outstanding poem. Thank you.
Coyote

[Mwash]

Great use of imagery bro...boxing and life