Love is rough

The story of the first girl I fell in love with

Everyone seems to learn things at different rates of time. We all go through things that make us stronger and give us reason to perservere through all our separate journeys. I never knew how much a person could mean to you until they’re actually gone; when you see yourself spending your life with someone, and for some reason every other word uttered turns out to be a lie. Love stays in your heart forever.

                Working at a restaurant named, Justin’s Talon, I was really worried about my recreational activities getting me in trouble. I thought to myself, “Man I hope I don’t smell like weed today,” after smoking a joint on the way to work. I walk into the restaurant with tons of acknowledgment and walk over to the computer to clock in. All of a sudden is see this young tall skinny black boy with green eyes talking behind the counter to some coworkers and I get a huge wiff of weed. I immediately burst out laughing and walked away. A couple days later on another shift, when the managers are pulling my money drawer, another driver named Cinco began talking to the other managers about taking a shower once a week. Most of the conversation was missed because I wasn’t paying attention, but I happened to catch “I take a shower only on shower day.” The tall skinny boy comes up next to me and says, “Shower day?” I start laughing with him and say “I know I just try to ignore it.” He then says jokingly, “I don’t know about that.” We start laughing and we part our ways to do our jobs. Later that day I sit down after my shift in the dining room with another co-worker of mine, named Jason. I ask him what that tall boy’s name is, and he tells me, “Michael.” I start laughing and tell Jason that he smells like weed sometimes. Jason laughs and says, “Yeah, he is a huge pothead always smoking doobies.” He was standing behind the registers talking to an employee about how he doesn’t partake in smoking marijuana and when he finished his conversation I said to him, “you know you reek sometimes,” as I smiled and walked away back to the table with Jason. I heard Michael say, “wait what?!?,” like he was shocked that I said that to him. He followed me and asked, “Do you smoke?” I told him I did, but refused to talk about it anymore at work. He and I began cracking jokes at work with each other and I often caught him looking at me and smiling. One day before he was walking out to go home after his shift, he came up to me and asked for my number. I said to him, “For what?” He paused for a second and said, “uhhh to hang out!” with a big grin on his face. I then said, “Ohhhhhh to match…” then laughed and wrote down my number. He then leaves and before you know it, I get a text from him asking to hang out. We both decide to go hotbox my car on a lone hill in our city. We start talking about each other and I start becoming friends with this person. He is funny, smart, and just something about him makes me know he was going to do great things in life. I talked about my past relationships and he told me that he had never been in a relationship with anyone. I was shocked, this great looking guy who was always smiling had never been with someone. We both fell asleep in my car from smoking so much and I told him to come on the couch inside. My baby sister was sleeping on the couch and I layed down next to her while Michael layed down on the other couch. We both fell asleep again and Michael woke up and left without waking us up. I woke up in the morning and texted him and he said he didn’t want to wake everyone up. I told him I appreciated it and we both saw each other at work the next day. When we both got off work, I asked him “what are you doing after this?” He said to me, “I’m going to go pick up some tree!” I looked at him and just was like, “ohhh…” then he said to me “do you wanna come!?!?” with a big grin on his face. That became the second time we hung out. When we were driving around the city we saw a wedding chapel, he jokingly said to me, “why don’t we get married?” I laughed hard and said to him, “my mom would kill me!” Before you knew it, Michael and I were hanging out every day. He even openly said to me one time, “I have a crush on you.” We began catching each other smiling and staring at each other at work. We began holding hands and sharing stories while we smoked weed together. One day when we were together, I grabbed his head and I kissed him. It was the most awkward kiss I had ever felt in my life. I just hugged him and he said to me, “I’m sorry I’m a bad kisser.” I laughed and grabbed his head again and said, “Just relax.” I started kissing him and before I knew it, his lips felt locked onto mine and he started rubbing his hands on my back and neck as if I had unleashed something in him. We stopped kissing and he looks me right in the eye and says, “I like you hella!” I immediately smile and chuckle with him and say, “I know.” All of a sudden this person is just all over my head and it feels so right to be around him. We continue seeing each other literally every single day, and one day we are in the parking lot of an in-n-out with nobody around we start kissing. Things began to escalate as they had never before with him, he was kissing me and I was sucking on his neck and I said to him, “I’m not gonna lie I’m super wet right now,” and the next thing I knew I got on top of him while we rubbed and squeezed my a*s and back all over. We were rubbing each other and he slipped his hand down my pants and started fingering my and kissing me and I went down his pants too. He said lets get in the back of the car and he slid my pants off and started eating me out. It was the first time he had ever done that before, so I had to show him how to do it a little bit but he got the hang of it and make me feel great. He said to me, “do you want to have sex?” Then I said, “do you have a condom?” He said “no…” so I told him no as well. He continued eating me out and then I told him, “I don’t really care anymore.” “He said okay then he started kissing me while I was on my back, I then grabbed his penis and showed him where to put it, and he slid it right in and we both started staring at each other. He was a virgin, but it was as if he knew exactly what to do and how to do it. It was all natural with him. He was kissing me and holding me while I was moaning and he was doing everything right. I came first, then when he came he pulled out and went on my stomach. I said to him “ewww that’s so gross!” then he says to me, “No it’s not!” and licks it right off my stomach. My eyes open wide in shock, “Wow you’re freaky!   That makes me feel really close to you,” I said. We both put our cloths on and get out of the car. We hug each other and kiss each other and he tells me again how much he likes me. We hugged each other tighter than we ever had before, and this moment was when I really knew I cared about this person. The next time we had sex, he didn’t have a condom, but he decided to cum inside me instead. I was upset and worried, but he said to me he was sorry. He kept assuring me by saying, “No matter what happens I won’t just bounce on you.” He ended up going to the drug store to buy the emergency contraceptive Plan B. When I took the pill I literally felt like something were changing in my body. We continued, literally everyday hanging out, and one night as he is driving me home, I say to him “I think I’m going to fall in love with you.” His eyes open wide in shock and he says, “Ditto” as if he were joking. I didn’t like that that much, but the next morning we had plans to eat breakfast with my family. That next morning we had breakfast and I felt like my family really enjoyed having him around. After breakfast we walked outside and started talking, he mentioned what I had said to him the night before. He said to me, “about what you said last night about how you think you’re going to fall in love with me, I knew you didn’t like my answer, so this is what I was thinking. I already know I’m falling in love with you.” He smiled and spread my arms apart while holding my hands and leaned in and kissed me right on the forehead. I immediately kissed him on the lips and hugged him. He was the sweetest person I had ever been with. He refused to call me beautiful or gorgeous because he thought I was too above those words. He called me “Divine.” He praised me for my beauty and we continued strong in our relationship. We had been hanging out together every day for 3 and a half months. We had just gotten done hanging out again and we were sitting next to his house hugging and kissing each other. He stops and hugs me tight and tells me, “I’m in love with you.” My eyes opened wide and in complete shock that he couldn’t see as a result of hugging me so tight, I say to him “What makes you feel that way?” He explains to me and says, “Ever since I met you my life has changed so much, I feel like that you’ve made me feel so great and confident about myself, I look at you and want to become the greatest version of myself, and I want to take care of you and make sure you’re always happy. I know in my heart I will never hurt you.” I was completely shocked to hear this from him after 3 and a half months. We had spent every day together but I was completely caught off guard. I couldn’t say it back to him because it wasn’t how I felt about him. We still continued hanging out everyday for about a couple weeks after that, but since he said he was in love with me, the relationship wasn’t really the same. Around our 4 month mark of spending every single day together he asks me if I wanted to eat breakfast in the morning with him, and I gladly agree. We drive to the store that night to get the food, but before we go in we start talking about music and other things. When we are in the parking lot he says to me, “c’mon babe lets go in, I want to be seen with you.” When he said that I had sudden realization that this person really loved me. I started acting real awkward and then he said, “It’s okay if you don’t want to have breakfast in the morning, I’ll take you home.” I tell him, “yeah, please.” He takes me home and walks me to my door like he normally does, and I turn to him and say, “I don’t really know about his, Michael.” In confusion and sadness, he says, “What do you mean?” I say to him, “I don’t think I should be in a relationship right now, I’m going to move to Washington in a month.” All of a sudden I see this person who was always smiling have tears running down his eyes. I begin begging him not to cry, and he apologizes to me and says, “I’m sorry for crying I’m just sad because of how much I care about you, but you do what you have to do.” He walks away crying and I just walk in with complete sadness on my face that I just broke this person who I care about so much’s heart. Days go by and we don’t speak, we see each other at work, but he just tries not to acknowledge me. I catch him in the walk in refrigerator alone and I say to him, “Please don’t do this, Michael.” He says, “do what? I’m sorry I can’t really handle seeing you without me.” I hug him and say I’m sorry and ask him to please be okay, but he still refuses to acknowledge me. Days go by, he sends me a text, “I miss you.” I reply, “I miss you too, but I don’t know…” We end up setting up a time to hang out again because we really missed each other, I end up kissing him and we almost end up having sex but he decided that he didn’t want to do that for some reason. Perhaps because I had just broken his heart. As I’m making out with him again and I’m on his lap, I look in his eyes and smile and say, “I want to take you to Washington with me.” I saw him so happy again, I had hurt him before but he was happy again so everything will be okay. I was more wrong than I could ever imagine. This person who left me alone when we broke up, now wouldn’t stop talking to me. I knew I had made a huge mistake by telling him that, I just wanted him to smile again at me. He kept texting me and calling me how much he cares about me and misses me, and I refused to hang out with him when he would ask. During our relationship he bought underwear for $25, he said to me, if you don’t want to talk to me again then I want my money back for the underwear. I was extremely offended and I brought the underwear money to his job and gave it to Jason to give to Michael. He then called me again and said, “I was only asking for that money because I wanted to see you, I don’t want any money from you I want you.” He came to give it back to me and I took it and he tried to hug me for like 5 and I told him to get off me. He started bursting out in tears and walked away crying. I chased after him and said, “Do you think I want to deal with this s**t?!?” He turned and said, “I don’t you don’t, that’s why I’m walking away.” He seemed so weak but so strong, I knew he would be okay. The next day he texts me and says he really wants that money back, I tell him to stop because I figured it was another trick to see me, but he refuses to stop and he blows up my phone with texts and calls from blocked caller id numbers. This was the point where I knew he wasn’t going to leave me alone, I broke his heart he really loved me. I changed and disconnected my old number and started acting like I hated him. We worked together another day (The day I put my 2 weeks notice in to quit that Justin’s Talon) and I told another coworker of mine, Karina, why I had to get a new number. She says something to Michael and that’s when Michael comes up to me and says, “why’re you talking s**t about me? I told you when we first got together I would never talk s**t about you if we broke up.” I told him to leave me alone and things got really hostile from that point on. We were both talking inside the dining room cleaning it, hurling insults at each other. I acted as if I never knew this person in my life and he acted as if he was completely hurt at me. We both end up parting ways and I see him rushing to leave before I did for some reason. The next morning, I wake up and feel horrible about what had gone on with Michael because I really care about him. I call him and tell him I’m sorry and that I missed what we had together, and he says, “People tend to act out when emotions get involved.” I go to work that morning and when it’s about time for me to get off work he comes in. We both avoid eye contact with each other and we part ways. As I’m walking out to my car, Jason runs up to me and says, “I have to show you something, Michael keyed your car.” All of a sudden I burst with anger and run over to my car and see 2 long key marks on both sides of the passenger doors. I run back into the restaurant and ask him if he keyed my car, he denies it at first then says, “Last night…” I completely start screaming at him and say, “You know why I called you this morning?!? Because I wanted to hug you! And you do this s**t? Who the f**k does that?!?” He then turns to me and says, “we’re just not supposed to be.” The manager comes out and tells me to leave and I walk out crying and drive over to Michaels sister, Ashley’s job, to speak to her about what happened. I show her the damage and she says, “I don’t know what you really want me to do, my parents are home you can go tell them.” Later that night I go to Michaels house to tell his parents what happened and his dad seemed very unsurprised because he likely had been knowing what was going on. He said that Michael will pay for the damages when you get an estimate and we’ll go from there. I leave his house and go home. The next day I go to the gas station and see that my gas cap was cut off. I become extremely angry again because Michael knows how much that terrified me. I walk up to him at work again and we start arguing again and I call him a b***h. He then says to me, “why’re you talking about yourself?” I saw this person seeing me as his worst enemy.

Author's Note

Ignore grammar, who messed up first? Be honest as possible