SUMMER LIKINGS [PART 1 BABY!@]

The Description is too long so its in the story!! :D

Okay, guys this is about two best friends who have known each other since the 7^th grade. They also secretly love each other, but the guy doesn’t know the girl likes him and vice versa. This 4 month long summer they begin to get closer then they expect. Going to parties, going to the movies, going to camp… but not with each other. The girl thinks she will never go out with him, so she finds the worst guy a girl could find. An abuser. Same with the guy but his girlfriend is snobby, conceited, and stuck up. The girl’s boyfriend doesn’t like her best friend.(the guy.) and the guy’s girlfriend doesn’t like his best friend (the girl.) (and yes this is confusing but trust me I’ll explain more later.) they are now in the 10^th grade and are STILL with their disaster lovers. Will the boy’s and girl’s love for each other blossom and become the rose of their lives?? Or will they get the black rose of despair? You will see in Summer Likings [PART 1 BABY!@] Presented Here On TDP and Story Write!! :D

        SUMMER LIKINGS [PART 1 BABY!@]         

 

 

“Maria!! WATCH OUT!!!” David screamed. Maria looked to her right and said “Huh?” then David broke into a sweat as he heard the dreaded sound of a car squealing and a loud crash. David opened his eyes. “No…NO!!!” he scrambled over to a pile of bricks and trash bags. He grabbed at the bricks but none of them moved. He screamed once again “NO!!!” he finally grabbed at a brick and threw it across the street. By the time he got to the bottom, to Maria… No one was there. David’s eyes teared up and he breathed “Wha-?” then he felt a hand on his shoulder. He turned around and there stood Maria, standing in her crazy outfit glory. He smiled as Maria brought him to his feet. David pulled Maria into a hug and said “Thank god you’re all right!” Maria smiled and said “I’m sorry I scared you.” David wrapped his arms around her waist and breathed in Maria’s ear saying “Why me?” Maria looked up into his brown eyes and said “Because you saw me when I was invisible…” and with that said Maria kissed David deeply, and slowly…

“David!! WATCH OUT!!” cried Maria. David, who was knocked out of his daydream, was fully aware what was happening: Volleyball Tournament With Teachers vs. Students. Last day of school, David thought. He looked up and saw the ball coming straight for him, while Maria, his best friend, was cheering him on. He jumped up and spiked it down just in time for the buzzer to go off. YES!! Students win for the third year in a row!!!! Go Bay View High Badgers!!!! the intercom said. Maria screamed for joy and jumped into David’s arms. The team gathered around their two prized possessions and lifted them into the air for celebratory screaming and whooping.

5:30 Iggy’s Italian Eatery, and Ice-cream parlor: Victory Dinner TEACHERS PAY ALL YOU CAN EAT. :D

Iggy’s Italian Eatery, and Ice-cream parlor was packed with sweaty overheated kids. The entire team and their family and friends got the outside balcony, which was breathtaking by the way, with its red and white roses, dangling white lights strung over, and about the covering. Iggy’s place was held just above a lake. Such a breathtaking view. David and his girlfriend Amanda went to the most beautiful table overlooking the moon and lake. They sat down and looked at the menu. When David spotted Maria and her boyfriend Nick, he waved them over. Amanda looked up and slammed David’s hand on the table and hissed “I don’t want them to come over here!! You know how I feel about that chick.” she moved quotation marks over the word “Chick”. Maria looked over and saw that David was waving at them to come over. She smiled and started to walk over then Nick grabbed her arm. Maria turned around and said “Lets go over and sit with David!” Nick tightened his deathening grip, on the edge of bruising, and said “We’re going over here.” he tugged her the opposite way, Maria stumbled and pulled away saying “I’m sitting with David.” Nick didn’t look too happy and grumbled “Fine, but I am NOT talking to him.” Maria walked over to David and hugged him. David hugged back and smiled. Maria sat on the other side of David, and Nick sat in between Amanda and Maria. Amanda made a disgusted face and buried herself into the menu. By the time everyone at the table was ready to order their dinner some people were leaving. Amanda had trouble on which was more her taste, so she settled on a salad. Nick got lasagna. Maria looked over the menu and ordered fettuccini Alfredo. David ordered the Seafood Portofino. It took about 15 minutes to get everybody’s food. While they were eating dinner Maria and David were sneaking bites of each others food, and having fork fights. “So childish.” Amanda muttered under her breath. After dinner, David paid the bill for him and Amanda and Maria ended up paying for hers and Nick’s bill…disappointingly. When they got to the car, Maria hugged David goodbye and slipped into her red corvette. Nick slammed the door, as David and Amanda left the parking lot. Nick grabbed her face, tightly to where she wouldn’t.. couldn’t move away. “Don’t.. hug.. him.. or.. talk to him… not while we‘re together.” and with that he slapped her.. VERY hard. Maria whimpered as a tear rolled down her cheek, and started the car. When Nick was dropped off, Maria headed home.

When Maria got home her mom was already drunk, so Maria picked up her sleeping 5 year old sister, Haley, and took her up to their room. (her mom is an abusive drunk.) When Maria closed the door and locked it, she put Haley in her multi-colored bed and put the bed coverings over her. She walked into her master bathroom and took a shower making sure to scrub all of her make-up off of her arms and face. As she stepped out of the shower and looked in the mirror, she was a whole different person. That whole different person was absolutely COVERED in purple blue and black-ish green bruises. Tears streamed down Maria’s cheeks as she started at every cut and bruise on her body. Her legs, arms, face, her stomach…., she touched oh so very lightly… after she dried herself off, she brushed her teeth, and climbed into her soft, feathery, empty, double queen sized bed, that she and David stayed up for hours on hours, laying on the bed and talking like there was no tomorrow about so many stuff. Thinking about this, Maria shed into a fresh start of tears. Late night, she finally fell asleep with runny eyes and a tear stained pillow.

Wanna see what happens the next day? Find out in SUMMER LIKINGS [PART 2 BABY!@]

Reviews

[M. Amphet Salt]

Good story. Can't wait to see what happens next so send it to me when you post it. Just a few Issues though:

1. Make it big enough TO READ!!! I had to copy it and blow it up on word.

2. There are alot mechanics issues happening.
Examples:
You wrote. "The girl's boyfriend doesn't like her best friend.(the guy.) and the guy's girlfriend doesn't like his best friend (the girl.) (and yes this is confusing but trust me I'll explain more later.)"

This should have been written as such. The girl's boyfriend doesn't like her best friend (the guy) and the guy's girlfriend doesn't like his best friend (the girl) and yes this is confusing but trust me I'll explain more later.

You didn't need the periods there because the bracket serve as commas that identify a different thought. And you did not need the last set of brackets because it was not a seperate thought.

Here is your one of paragraphs.

"Iggy's Italian Eatery, and Ice-cream parlor was packed with sweaty overheated kids. The entire team and their family and friends got the outside balcony, which was breathtaking by the way, with its red and white roses, dangling white lights strung over, and about the covering. Iggy's place was held just above a lake. Such a breathtaking view. David and his girlfriend Amanda went to the most beautiful table overlooking the moon and lake. They sat down and looked at the menu. When David spotted Maria and her boyfriend Nick, he waved them over. Amanda looked up and slammed David's hand on the table and hissed "I don't want them to come over here!! You know how I feel about that chick." she moved quotation marks over the word "Chick". Maria looked over and saw that David was waving at them to come over. She smiled and started to walk over then Nick grabbed her arm. Maria turned around and said "Lets go over and sit with David!" Nick tightened his deathening grip, on the edge of bruising, and said "We're going over here." he tugged her the opposite way, Maria stumbled and pulled away saying "I'm sitting with David." Nick didn't look too happy and grumbled "Fine, but I am NOT talking to him." Maria walked over to David and hugged him. David hugged back and smiled. Maria sat on the other side of David, and Nick sat in between Amanda and Maria. Amanda made a disgusted face and buried herself into the menu. By the time everyone at the table was ready to order their dinner some people were leaving. Amanda had trouble on which was more her taste, so she settled on a salad. Nick got lasagna. Maria looked over the menu and ordered fettuccini Alfredo. David ordered the Seafood Portofino. It took about 15 minutes to get everybody's food. While they were eating dinner Maria and David were sneaking bites of each others food, and having fork fights. "So childish." Amanda muttered under her breath. After dinner, David paid the bill for him and Amanda and Maria ended up paying for hers and Nick's bill�disappointingly. When they got to the car, Maria hugged David goodbye and slipped into her red corvette. Nick slammed the door, as David and Amanda left the parking lot. Nick grabbed her face, tightly to where she wouldn't.. couldn't move away. "Don't.. hug.. him.. or.. talk to him� not while we're together." and with that he slapped her.. VERY hard. Maria whimpered as a tear rolled down her cheek, and started the car. When Nick was dropped off, Maria headed home."

This paragraph should be many paragraphs and as you grow in your writing you will learn do and do nots, stumble on a professional editor they will tell you the same thing.

"Iggy's Italian Eatery and Ice-cream parlor was packed with sweaty overheated kids. The entire team and their families and friends got the outside balcony. The balcony was breathtaking with its red and white roses, dangling white lights strung over and about the covering.

Iggy's place was above a lake and had such a breathtaking view. David and his girlfriend Amanda was seated at the most beautiful table overlooking the lake. Sitting down they looked over the menu when David noticed Maria and her boyfriend Nick and he waved them over.

Amanda looked up and slammed David's hand on the table and hissed!

"I don't want them to come over here!! You know how I feel about that chick."

Maria looked over and saw that David was waving at them. She smiled and started to walk over, but Nick grabbed her arm. Maria turned around and said.

"Lets go over and sit with David!"

Nick tightened his grip and said

"We're going over here."

He tugged her the opposite way, Maria stumbled and pulled away saying,

"I'm sitting with David."

Nick didn't look too happy and grumbled,

"Fine, but I am not talking to him�"

Maria walked over to David and hugged him. David hugged back and smiled. Maria sat on the other side of David and Nick sat in between Amanda and Maria. Amanda made a disgusted face and buried herself into the menu.

People were leaving by the time the four were ready to order their dinner. Amanda had trouble deciding on what was her taste, so she settled on a salad. Nick ordered Lasagna. Maria looked over the menu and ordered Fettuccini Alfredo. David ordered the Seafood Portofino.

With in fifteen minutes their food arrived; however, while Amanda and Nick were trying to enjoy their dinner Maria and David were sharing bites of each others food, and having fork fights. So childish, Amanda thought to herself.

After dinner, David paid for Amanda and his meal. Maria ended up paying for Nick's meal�disappointingly. David and Amanda walked with Maria and Nick to Maria's red Corvette. David hugged and told Maria goodbye and walked Amanda back to his car. Nick slammed the door, as David and Amanda left the parking lot. Nick grabbed her face, tightly to where she couldn't move away.

"Don't hug him, or talk to him� not while we are together."

And with having that said he slapped her very hard. Maria tried not to cry as a tear rolled down her cheek and started the car. When Nick was dropped off, Maria headed home.


I don't mean to sound cruel but I am just trying to help. It is good story and has alot of potential. I hope to read more of it. I hope that you do not find this discouraging, as writing is a contiuous learning process. Just when you think know everything that one little rule always changes. If you have any questions email me.

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Very good plot and writing. I cant wait to hear more

[[untitled]]

I think this a wonderful start. You captured the emotions of your two main characters and their vile significant others very well.

I think this has great potential. Keep working on the grammer and proper line control and i think you will have a winner here. :)

I look forward to chapter two.

[AG{ae-gshee-)]

yes lol i meant Writers Cafe' not storywrite

[Meg Write]

I loved it. Very good plot.

Can't wait to see what happens next.