Dans le Ciel

Something pretty I wrote much quicker than normal.

Avant:

 

“Cast those eyes to Naeva’s glance: she wrote the only warm gestures she knew from across her palms, and to his hands.  From as far as he’d wonder, Naeva stood tall as she spoke patterns of rain in the stars they shared.”

 

“Casually rocked the world in his hand - Naeva sang the storm.  She unhooked her arm; golden glass opals drew forgotten names along the shore.  He’d heard dreams of being tranquil, somewhere, he yawned.”

 

Actuellement:

 

“Ragged wolf pup, crawl on like the stone.  Keep baying clear in Winter’s Dusk; the perfect place in, ‘Arbres de Lowell,’ he’s so on.  Swift fits of stolid strength breathes - bevels mountains into poems.”

“’Soyez toujours,’ she says.  Naeva smiles; wolf gestures, too.  ‘Nous sommes tous des ces mers telles de ruines en sachant, que vous voyez,’ he pawed in the dark.  Pools of stardust simply blossomed, then.”

 

Après:

 

“I whisper verses to the wording of a song I’ve never heard.”

 

“Sommes-nous fous?”

 

Author's Note

*Lowells trees.

**Always be.

***We're all such seas of knowing ruins, you see.

****Are we fools?

The 3 words denoting the different parts aren't translated here, because they're rather easy to find, and relatively unimportant. Please excuse the possible bad French, I'll fix it when I talk to someone that knows the language better than I do. I may just take that out and make it all English if I feel it's too cumbersome.

Reviews

[Britt Foster]

This is a very pretty piece of writing; its very poetic and I think the French adds a lot to that beauty.
Great job!

I really like the line "Pools of stardust simply blossomed, then."
And how it concludes with "Are we fools?"
It ties up the piece well and makes me think for a moment.

Overall, very good! I like it! ^^

[Salvatore Buttaci]

Congratulations for winning the Wolves Contest!

[Jola]

An interesting interpretation of the style and thought ... this line will stimulate imaginations ...
Greetings Jola

[J Carly]

Amazing! And the french is not cumbersome at all, I love learning new things. Thank you for entering this in, "Dreamscape." You have definitely made the first cut.

Well done!

[Emily B]

I would leave the French. It's beautiful. A very pretty piece of work. It captured my imagination this morning . . .

[ALifeAquatic]

Thank you for entering this in, "Be Experimental," they way it's set out, the way you encorporate french into the dialogue, the strangeness of the actual conversation all just add up to a creation that is very beautiful, it's almost mystical! It's exactly what I wanted to read in the competition something which breaks the mould, but still flows and reads like a piece of poetry! I really liked it!

AHouseOfChambers