Warmth Part 4

The final part of Warmth.

XVI

Like in most years, the following January was calm and uneventful. It was the coldest month of the year, and the chill seemed to make Pine more lethargic and docile. His energy level went down, and I think it affected me, too.

One thing I did at least once a week that month was work from home. It was something I used to only do out of necessity, because my job was not suited for it. It required frequent collaboration and interaction with coworkers as well as the use of software that my laptop didn’t have the bandwidth to run that well. It would end up making all my work more time-consuming, so I avoided it whenever possible. Even so, that January I did it because I quite simply wasn’t in the mood to leave the house some days. I got my work done, it was just slower. I think it was worth it to hang out with Pine all day.

I’d work at a desk, and during those long hours at home Pine developed a strange new habit. He’d sit down under the table and lay his arms and head on my legs like he was trying to take a nap on a desk. Sometimes he did just that; fall asleep in my lap. It was really cute, at least until I felt the need to get up.

Those days went by quietly until the 29^th, which was my birthday.

I am not the kind of person who gets all excited about birthdays. I don’t like all the attention. I don’t even tell people about it. I treated my twenty-seventh birthday how I would any other, going to work as I always would. When driving back home, I was thinking of something small to do, a way I could indulge a little bit.

My car passed a steakhouse I really liked, and I had an idea. Ever since Pine started living with me, I had essentially stopped going to restaurants. Any meal I had I had at home. If I didn’t cook, I’d order takeout or delivery. I realized that I had missed going out to eat. I didn’t see why we couldn’t do it, though. Pine could eat some food normally and knew how to act in public.

That night I took the two of us to a small restaurant I missed going to. I predicted that we’d get a lot of weird looks or odd questions from the people there, but for the most part that was just my anxiety talking. Nobody seemed to care. If the waitress thought it was strange that Pine never said a word and I ordered his food for him she didn’t let on. The only thing that anybody even looked twice at was how I got us a booth but still sat us next to each other. To be fair, I don’t think I had ever seen anybody do that, either.

We had a nice evening. I lightly held his hand under the table and let him lay his head on my shoulder, but I kept the contact to a minimum otherwise. The food was great. The whole experience was so relaxed and mellow.

After dinner, when I was done paying and tipping I looked out the window to see that it had started snowing. It wasn’t a blizzard, but it wasn’t just a couple flakes, either. I knew how much Pine hated the cold and snow and was in a really good mood, so I told Pine to wait at the table. I got up and left so I could get the car myself.

We got to the restaurant on the later side, well after the dinner rush, so there weren’t many cars in the lot and it was quiet. I was just walking to my car when I got a weird feeling. Nothing too chilling, just a little creepy. I did the stupidest thing possible, which was just ignoring it.

I was around two thirds of the way to the car when I heard quick footsteps behind me. I didn’t even have time to react before I felt a heavy blow on the left side of my face. I had just been sucker-punched.

I must have blacked out for a moment, because the next thing I knew I was standing somewhere different and had my arms pinned to my back. There was a man behind me pushing me against a car so I couldn’t move. I could tell that he was stronger than I was.

He whispered in my ear. “Don’t say a word. Give me your wallet. Don’t try anything funny, either. I have a knife.”

From where the voice was coming from, I guessed that the man was about my height. I knew that I couldn’t take him in a fight, especially if he had a weapon. My survival instinct took over and I did what he asked. I slowly reached into my pocket and grabbed my wallet. It was when my wallet was almost out that three things happened, all right after the other within the space of a second: I heard a scream, all the weight and pressure was wrenched off of me, so much so that I was thrown to the ground myself, and I heard a loud, sickening crack.

In a second or two I regained my bearings and saw that Pine had come to my rescue. From what I could tell he came at the mugger at full speed with a flying tackle, knocking him down and slamming his head against the pavement. I was still in a daze when I noticed that Pine was on top of the mugger now, who I assumed was unconscious. Pine was still moving violently, and a heartbeat later I saw that he was using his fingernails to claw and scratch at the mugger’s exposed face with everything he had.

For a moment, I couldn’t move, but when I saw blood on Pine’s hands I ran forward to get him off. I had to pick up his entire body as he struggled, flailing his limbs and snarling. I yelled at him to calm down, but he didn’t listen.

In desperation I threw him down on the ground behind me. As he got to his feet I saw his face illuminated in the street lamps. He reminded me of how he looked when he tried scaring that bear the first day I knew him, but it was so much worse. He looked more beast than human. There was a rage, a hatred burning in his eyes. At that moment he didn’t look like the Pine I knew. He looked like a vicious, feral animal.

As I often do when Pine’s well-being is on the line, I acted without thinking. I swung my arm and slapped his face with every ounce of strength I could muster. I didn’t even know what I was doing until I felt the pain in my palm. Never, since the day I met him, had I ever even considered hitting Pine. I guess my instincts thought that if it wasn’t enough of a shock to his system to snap him out of it, nothing would be.  

Thankfully I was right. Pine spun a little from the force and stumbled a bit. When he got up again he didn’t have that murderous look anymore, he just looked confused and in a lot of pain. I grabbed him and pulled him close to me, just holding him still for a few moments. Then I heard a groan near me. The mugger was starting to wake back up.

I can’t say how or why, but all my emotions left me at that moment. All of a sudden, I was cool and calculating to a degree that legitimately scares me when I look back on it. I calmly walked over to him. I saw the damage to his face but didn’t really absorb the information. Instead I went through his pockets, trying to find out if he was bluffing when he said he had a knife. He wasn’t. There was a huge switchblade in his coat pocket. He started to stir more, and within a second, I formed a plan. I knew what I wanted to happen and what part I would have to play.

I jammed my knee down on his stomach, forcing him to wake up completely. I spoke in a quiet, even voice.

“Don’t move. Don’t talk. Just look over here.”

When he did I flicked the knife open. I didn’t hold it against his throat or even point it at him, I just made sure he knew that I had his weapon. Realistically, he could probably still overpower me, but I hoped the performance I was putting on would deter him from fighting back. I kept talking.

“I don’t know who you are, and I honestly don’t care, but I’d say that considering what you tried to do, we’re even.”

I knew I could have gotten him arrested if I went to the trouble of detaining him and calling the police. Pine was likely in the clear from assault charges, too. The legal concept of self defense extended to protecting others. Still, that would involve putting Pine in the system, which I didn’t want. Besides, at that moment I was just tired. I wanted the night to be over. It was all unnecessary, so unnecessary.

“I’m going to give you a choice,” I said, lightly touching the tip of the knife with my finger. “In a few seconds, I’ll back off, and when I do, I hope you’ll do the smart thing and leave. Walk away and hope that I never see your face again.” The tone I was using was very measured. I wanted it to sound like I was in control. I wanted to sound like a psychopath. It was all a front. I was terrified of this man, but hoped that it didn’t show.

Thankfully, it worked. When I lifted my knee and took a few steps back, he left. I stood there, keeping up the cold façade until he was out of sight completely.

I looked at Pine to see him still standing in the same spot. I walked over and grabbed his wrist, pulling him with me as I went to the car.

The ride home was silent. Neither of us even looked at each other.

When we got to the house I brought us both straight to the bathroom. Pine had blood on his hands and I wanted it gone immediately. I was probably about twice as thorough as I needed to be. I scrubbed and cleaned and washed until I was absolutely sure that every single trace of blood was off his hands and down the drain.

The next thing I did was look at myself in the mirror. There was a big, dark bruise on the left side of my jawline. It was tender and throbbing, but there weren’t any broken bones or missing teeth. It hurt a lot but would heal given enough time.

I turned to look at Pine and when I saw him my heart sank. He had a red, ugly mark on his cheek where I had struck him, standing out horribly against his fair skin. When I lightly touched it with my hand he flinched.

I didn’t regret what I had done. I knew that it was right to get Pine out of whatever state he was in as soon as I could. I just hoped that he understood that.

I leaned in and kissed the mark, butterfly light. I then pulled him close and whispered in his ear that I loved him over and over. After a bit of that, Pine let out that quiet, short laugh I had heard back in October. That definitely piqued my interest, and there were several other open questions and lingering doubts about the nights events, but at that moment I just wanted the day to be over.

As I was preparing us for bed I decided that it was still my birthday and I still had the right to be indulgent. When I got us in our bed I put myself in front of Pine so that I could be the little spoon. Without hesitation he wrapped himself around me. It wasn’t really late, maybe 9 PM. I had so many thoughts buzzing around in my head and my jaw still hurt like hell, but Pine’s warmth engulfing my body had an almost hypnotic effect on me. I was drowsy within seconds. I decided that any concerns I had would still be there the next day. In the meantime, I closed my eyes and let the warmth swallow me whole.

 

XVII

I woke fully rested well before the sun went up, still in Pine’s embrace. No part of me wanted to move. I just lay there thinking. I had a lot of things rolling around in my brain.

My first thought was that laugh that Pine let out the previous night. I hadn’t heard it since that one day in October. I tried to think about what connected those two nights together. It wasn’t a special kind of joy, there were other times when I knew he was happier. When I thought about it the only thing I could think of was that on both days there was a brief moment where Pine thought I was really mad at him or hated him. Maybe that laugh wasn’t a sign of mirth, but relief. It’s a shame; Pine really does have a good laugh, but with everything considered I suppose it’s for the best that I don’t hear it often.

My brain went to some darker thoughts. Pine had demonstrated in the past that he wanted to protect me, but what he did to the mugger was beyond merely saving me from danger. He went on to attack the man while he was helpless. He didn’t grab me and take me to safety, he stayed to hurt the mugger. This in no way lined up with how Pine was. He was so kind, so gentle. I couldn’t imagine him hurting anything. Still, the person I saw for that moment after I threw him on the ground didn’t look much like the Pine I knew. The sheer malice in his eyes scared me to think about. I wasn’t afraid of Pine, hell would freeze over before that happened, but it scared me that he threw away his human nature that moment and let loose the beast.

I remembered how the mugger’s face looked, all scratched up. It didn’t affect me at the time, but I cringed thinking back to it. There were red claw marks all over his face, breaking skin and drawing blood in many places. The way it looked made it very obvious that somebody had gone at him with their nails. It was nothing serious, it wouldn’t need stitches or anything, but it was still an ugly sight. I was glad I pulled Pine away before he could go further. If he had gone for the eyes things would have gotten really bad.

As hard as it was to imagine, the events opened up the possibility of Pine doing something that would get him in trouble with the law. The idea of Pine going to jail was a prospect that made me want to throw up. There was another side to that coin, too. As far as I knew, Pine had no identity, no way to confirm citizenship, no way to even legally work in the country. If something happened and Pine didn’t have me or James or somebody else to take care of him, he’d be in deep trouble.

I had gotten lucky, but the situation could have gone spiraling out of control and headed to any number of horrifying conclusions. I didn’t want those prospects looming over me.

I resolved to do two things. The first was to keep a closer eye on Pine, as well as be more careful. I could have avoided what had happened if I had just been paying more attention. The second thing was that I needed Pine to be put in the system, but on my terms. There was only one way I knew of to do that, but I wasn’t looking forward to it.

After the sun rose I got up to send an email to my boss telling her that I needed to take the day off for personal reasons. She said that that would be fine. I woke Pine up and got us ready to leave.

The drive to the police station was like the opposite of the drive to Alabama in December. Time moved so slowly I thought it was stopped. Thoughts and worries were assaulting my brain and the arrival that would make it all end seemed impossibly far away. After what had to have been about ten minutes but felt like an hour, we got to the station.

When I got to the lobby I asked the man working at the desk how I would go about filing a found person report. He handed me a form. One look at it told me that it wouldn’t tell the story properly. I asked him if I could fill out what I could and talk to somebody to fill in the gaps. Considering the time of day, things were quiet. He said he would see what he could do.

After I filled out the 10% of the form I could, I waited for about thirty minutes before being summoned to an office. The person we spoke to was some man named Jason Poole, but I called him “sir” exclusively. My mom had drilled those habits into me from a young age. He seemed average: not too formal, not too friendly. Pine and I sat in front of his desk.

Poole looked at a clipboard. “Mr. Nathanson, it says here that you would like to file a found person report, but that there were unusual circumstances and you wanted to talk to somebody in person.”

I nodded. “Yes, sir. The form wasn’t sufficient.”

“How so?”

I gestured to Pine. “This is the man I found. He doesn’t talk, he’s not literate and he doesn’t understand any language that I know of. Because of that I can’t tell you what his legal name is, how old he is, or where he’s from.”

He raised an eyebrow. “Really?”

I told him the story, trying to only add what details were necessary. He seemed more and more skeptical as we continued.

“Sir, I just want it to be on file that I found this individual. I would like his existence to be recorded in some way. Is there a way to find out if he’s in the system somewhere?”

“Considering how little information we have, the only viable option is to check his prints and take a picture,” Poole said. “It’s not like we have records of every human being, though. The search will come up empty if he has no criminal record.”

“That would be fine.”

“That’s a bit of an odd request, Mr. Nathanson. We can’t just drop everything and take his information. More than likely we’ll just get to it when we have the time.”

I nodded. “I’m willing to wait as long as you need me to. I’ll also pay, if that’s necessary.”

He could tell that I was sincere, so he told me to wait in the lobby. We just sat there, watching the minutes slip by. None of the dozens of people who walked by us acted like we were even there. Two hours had passed before we were acknowledged again.

The process was simple, taking Pine’s prints and a picture. It took five minutes at most. The time-consuming part was getting it analyzed. We were waiting for three hours before we were called in to get the results.

Jason Poole told us that there were no records of any person matching Pine in the system. He said that meant he had either never committed a crime in the country or had just never been caught. I was glad about that.

“Your friend is part of a rare group of people called the ‘unidentified living,’” he said. “There isn’t much we can do to help besides keeping him on file in case anyone starts looking for him.”

“Will he have to be taken into custody?” I asked.

He shook his head. “There’s no precedent for that. We have no reason to believe that he is under suspicion for a crime or needs to be put in the witness protection program.”

“Will he be able to get an ID?”

“At this point in time, probably not. There’s not many options open. He’s likely not a minor, so he can’t be put into the foster system. If you want, you could send him to a homeless shelter�"”

“Wait,” I cut in. I realized with embarrassment that I just interrupted him. “I’m sorry sir, but it’s not that I intend to send him somewhere. I just want to know if he has to go somewhere.”

He leaned forward. “No. As long as he doesn’t break laws and doesn’t present any harm to others, he can live in this state just fine. However, there’s no way to verify that he’s a citizen. That means he can’t legally vote, get a driver’s license, or be on somebody else’s payroll. All the money needed to keep him alive would have to come directly out of your pocket.”

I shook my head. “None of that is my concern, sir. To put it plainly, will I be able to continue taking care of him the way I have been without any legal consequences?”

He blinked at me. “As long as he stays out of trouble, I don’t see any reason why not.”

I grinned. “Thank you, sir.”

I could tell that he thought I was a total weirdo, but I was so relieved I didn’t care. I was ecstatic.

When I walked to my car with Pine I was so happy I could barely breathe. Even though slim, the possibility of Pine being taken away from me was enough to prevent me from doing the right thing and filing a police report for nearly six months. Considering that it had been that long without any reports of him missing, odds were close to zero that nobody was looking for him. There most likely wasn’t somebody out there who loved Pine as much as I did that I was keeping him from, but if there were, they had a better chance of finding him now. This whole thing had been in the back of my mind since I met him, but filing a police report became an issue of when and not if that night in December. I dragged my feet, but I had finally done it.

Maybe I wasn’t taking the best care of Pine. I had made mistakes before and would likely make them after, but I was able to prove to myself that I loved him enough to put his needs ahead of my own. I still needed to follow my parent’s advice and get him looked at by a doctor, but this was a great place to start. It was enough for me to feel like I was actually committing to something.

Before then, I knew that there was a huge step I chose not to take. It had been a shadow of guilt, a nagging doubt that had been with me so long I only noticed how much it haunted my life when it was gone. For now, at least, I was in the clear. I could move forward. I felt happier than I had felt in quite a while. Even if it was a day late, it was the best birthday present I could have ever asked for.

When we got in the car, I pulled him into a crushing hug. I was so happy that I kissed him on the lips. That was one of the things that I resolved to do sparingly, as a treat to anticipate. If this wasn’t a special occasion, nothing was. Once I pulled away, he nuzzled my chest. There wasn’t anyone around, but even if somebody saw us, I wouldn’t have cared. Still, I figured that that was enough PDA for the time being.

“Come on, Pine. Let’s go home.”

 

XVIII

The following February and March were very uneventful, almost boring. In my eyes, that was perfect. I had had enough excitement for a while.

A few things did happen, though. In mid-February, my department had to go on a business trip to Chicago. Thankfully, James’ department didn’t. I asked him if he could watch after Pine.

“I’m paying you for your troubles this time,” I told him. I gave him a number that I thought was reasonable.

“That is out of the question,” he said.

I leaned forward a bit. “You’ll take half, then.”

I could still tell that he wasn’t comfortable with any payment, but I held my ground. I wanted to be able to assert myself more often. He eventually conceded.

I didn’t have much fun during the trip. My energy level went down a little and I didn’t sleep very well, but the worst part was that I was cold the whole time. It was strange, it was like the chill was coming from the inside out, and it never went away. Even when I took a piping hot shower or wrapped myself in blankets at night until I was sweating like a horse, I still felt cold. It was nothing like when I visited my old house for Thanksgiving. Even then, there was some familiarity and feeling of home. When I was in Chicago, my hotel felt like a hospital or a prison.

I did my work dutifully. I drank enough coffee to mask my lack of sleep and put on a professional front, but overall, I was not happy for most of the trip. I had worried in the past that Pine was too dependent on me, but I had underestimated just how dependent I was on him, too. It was sort of pathetic, I won’t lie.

When I finally got back to James’ house, I kind of lost my cool. I went at Pine so hard that even he seemed surprised. I hugged him so tightly that he was lifted a few inches off the ground. I landed kiss after kiss on his forehead and cheeks. He initially was all over it, but his enthusiasm receded after a minute. I didn’t care; I was in a selfish mood. I kept going until I wasn’t cold anymore.

After I finished, I saw and heard James laughing his head off. I smiled, a little embarrassed.

“You okay, Zach?” He asked, wiping a tear away.

I smiled wider. “I am now.”

I paid James and thanked him before going home with Pine.

 

At some point in early March, Pine started sculpting a hand, and this was the most thorough and meticulous I had seen him on any project. I couldn’t tell what he was trying to do. For hours he just sat there, adding light details with his tools and smoothing out the ones he didn’t like. For at least three days he worked on that thing, adjusting it until he was satisfied. I could tell when he was because he went up to me all excited and dragged me over to look at it.

I turned on all the lights and examined it. It was likely my hand with the fingers extended, the index finger out a little more than the others. When I put my right hand into the same position I suddenly felt like I was hit with a brick.

The resemblance was insane. Every wrinkle, every line matched up. He replicated my nails, which I bite occasionally. He included the bump on the side of my middle finger that came from using a pencil my entire life. The finer lines were pretty close, too. He had included the texture of fingerprints, and while those weren’t perfect, I was floored. It wasn’t like he went over to look at my hand every few seconds. I remembered how he was constantly touching the hand when he was carving out all those details. His tactile memory was astounding.

Normally when he finished a sculpture, I’d mash it up and store it with the rest of the clay. The clay was reusable and never dried out. It wasn’t like Pine wanted to keep anything he made, either. This was different, though. Pine was clearly very proud of this sculpt, and I was, too. I needed a way to keep this one.

During my break at work the next day, I went to Mitch’s desk. We had definitely gotten much friendlier with each other since he helped me engrave Pine’s necklace. I told him that I needed some advice.

“What’s up?”

“I have a sculptor friend who made something I want to keep. The problem is that he works in oil-based clay that doesn’t dry. Is there still a way to harden it and make it something more permanent?”

He grinned. “Not exactly, but you could make a mold of it. After that you could pour it in plaster and have a hard copy of it. I have a cousin in Pennsylvania who works at a mold shop. They do things for movies and other contract work all the time. You want me to give you their number?”

I nodded. “Thanks man, I owe you one.”

“Not at all. Just tell me,” he leaned forward a bit. “Is this friend of yours the same one that necklace was for?”

“Yes.”

He sat back. “Okay, I was just wondering.” He went to his computer so he could email me the number.

That Saturday Pine and I made the long trip to Pennsylvania. I turned on the A/C so the sculpture wouldn’t get too soft and drove carefully, but Pine held it so protectively that I almost felt like I didn’t need to.

When we got there, I checked in and gave them all the information. I asked if I could watch the process and they said I could as long as I didn’t do anything stupid.

We met up with a really sweet woman named Lacy. From what I could discern she was Cajun in origin, and she was very nice.

“I’m Zach,” I told her, shaking her hand. “This is Pine,” I said. He nodded in greeting. “He’s a man of few words. Just ask me all the questions.” She seemed suspicious at that, but didn’t press the manner.

I brought in the sculpt and set it down on the table.

“You say that Pine made this?” She asked.

I nodded, holding up my hand. She leaned in to examine both side by side. When she touched my hand, Pine made a move to get up from his chair, but stopped when I stared daggers at him.

She asked me a few more questions, like if Pine had any formal training. I said he didn’t. She asked me hold long I had to model my hand and I said he just did it from memory. Lacy was impressed. She turned to Pine and spoke to him directly. “You’ve got quite the talent, honey.” Pine smiled and seemed to warm up a little when she told him that.

I watched the moldmaking process with fascination. She brushed what she told me was silicone on the hand in a few layers. Once it was thick enough she took plaster bandages, like what a doctor would make a cast out of, and made a shell. Once everything had set, she removed the mold. The hand sculpt got damaged in the process. Thankfully Pine didn’t lose his mind at the sight of that.

Within another hour I had the hand recreated in plaster. I gave it to Pine and he examined it with his fingers. I could tell he was happy.

The moldmaking job was not cheap, but I thought it was worth every penny. When we got back I put the hand on my mantle. It was weird, but I liked it a lot.

 

The last big thing I did at that time was get Pine tested.

I had to be there for the whole process. The urine sample was collected without incident, but things got difficult when Pine needed blood drawn. He jerked away the instant the doctor touched him with the needle and wouldn’t sit still. I quite literally had to pin him down while the needle went in, and Pine squealed. I was mortified, but the doctor told me it was fine. For the spinal tap, we had to give him some mild anesthetic so he wouldn’t struggle and make the needle hit something important. The last test was an MRI scan, and his dazed state he just laid back without complaint.

Around a week later I got a call from Dr. Harlacher, the physician who performed all the tests. He said there wasn’t any horrible news, but I should be there to get the explanation in person.

At his office, Dr. Harlacher told me that Pine didn’t have any diseases or cancers. It only got interesting with the MRI. He compared pictures of Pine’s brain and an average brain to me. He told me that a huge part of the brain that normally deals with communication was different. He said that it was unlikely that Pine would ever be able to read or talk, but I was okay with that.

“I’ve never seen anything like this before,” he told me. “It doesn’t seem like a natural deterioration, it seems planned.”

I raised an eyebrow. “You think this was a surgery done to him?”

“I can’t confirm it, but that would be my guess. I have no idea why or when, though.”

I pondered the idea. I never found any strange scars on him to indicate that he had surgery, but if there were any they would be hidden under his hair. I didn’t want to shave his head to know for sure. I had known that something was seriously different about Pine’s mental state, but I hadn’t really considered the possibility that somebody had made him like that on purpose. It made me mad just thinking about it but I pushed that aside. There would be time for rage later.

“Will it shorten his lifespan?”

“I don’t think so. My estimate is that he’s nineteen or twenty years of age. He seems to have developed normally in that time.”

I nodded. “Thanks for everything, doctor.”

It wasn’t ideal, but I had predicted much worse from the results. I was happy during the drive home.

 

XIX

At the beginning of April, I heard about an opportunity that was way too good to pass up. I have a small baseball stadium in my town, and they were hosting an event that got my attention. It was a normal game, but they would let all the spectators bring their dogs with them if they wanted. I could care less about baseball, but it sounded absolutely perfect for Pine. James was busy that night, but I knew that he wouldn’t want that to keep Pine and I from it. I was really excited. Pine loved the hell out of going to the dog park, but we would only go if James was there with his dogs. I knew that the regulars at the dog park weren’t judgmental, they just saw us as enthusiastic friends of James. Still, I didn’t like the thought of using James to reach an end, even if he didn’t mind it.

This was something different. It’s not like everybody was expected to bring a dog, so nobody would care if we went. Okay, maybe nobody would have cared anyway, but I wanted to play it safe.

That evening, we went to the stadium and saw hundreds of dogs. Pine nearly exploded. I had bought us seats at the grassed area behind the outfield, which weren’t practical if you wanted to watch the game, but perfect for the occasion. We had to find a spot to sit, but I spent most of the time making sure Pine didn’t run off every two seconds. I needed to get us some food, so I told Pine to stay with my most authoritative tone. Thankfully he did stay, he just bounced in place grinning like a child.

I came back with hot dogs and popcorn. After we both finished eating, a woman with a gigantic golden retriever sat down in the spot next to us. I had to grab Pine by the shirt collar.

“Excuse me, ma’am,” I said. “He really likes dogs; can he say hi to yours?”

She nodded, and I let Pine have his fun. The dog was so big that within seconds Pine was on the ground, laying on his back as the dog furiously sniffed and licked his face. It made me laugh a little to watch.

I turned to her and stuck out my hand. “Hi. I’m Zach, and that’s Pine over there under your dog.”

She shook my hand. “I’m Elle, and that’s Mason.”

We both looked at Mason and Pine go at it a little more. It wasn’t quite as intense as when Pine played with Comet, but it was close. After a bit I pulled Pine away and sat him down again.

Maybe twenty minutes later I grabbed his hand and walked with him around the entire stadium. There were so many dogs everywhere that I stopped asking permission on Pine’s behalf after a few. Nobody cared. They wouldn’t have brought their dogs if they didn’t want strangers petting them. Most people are much more laid back than my anxiety tells me they are. Altogether the entire trip took almost an hour. Pine didn’t get tired of all the excitement, if anything he got more enthusiastic as we continued. I for one was completely worn out by the end of it. Before we sat back down at our spot I got us ice cream. Pine made a huge mess all over his face and I had to clean it up with a napkin.

Elle wasn’t there, she was probably taking Mason for a walk, too. A few minutes later Pine saw them approach and ran over to them. By the time I caught up with him I was so fed up that I grabbed him by the ear and dragged him back to our spot. When Elle sat down too I apologized.

“Don’t worry about it,” she told me. “He’s sweet.”

“Yeah, but sometimes I think he’s a little too sweet for his own good.”

She laughed. Mason ambled up to me and I stroked his face lightly. “You might have the biggest dog I’ve ever seen.”

Elle nodded. “I get that a lot. He could be an attack dog if he wasn’t so lazy.”

About two thirds of the way through the game everything must have finally caught up with Pine, because he just up and decided to take a nap, curling up on the grass and laying his head on my leg. He spent most of the remaining game sleeping on my lap, which I didn’t mind. I loved seeing Pine that happy, but it was also exhausting. I had brought a book to read, but I actually spent most of my time talking to Elle.

I’m normally not good with striking up a conversation with strangers, but Elle was really easy to talk to. It didn’t feel like forced small talk at all. There was a little bit of everything in that conversation: shows, books, music. We seemed to have similar tastes in most of them. At some point I started noticing that she was really pretty. She had chocolate-brown skin and beautiful dark eyes. It wasn’t just her appearance, either. She also had a confidence, a bluntness to her that I liked. I was starting to get a feeling that I hadn’t had in over a year. I had no clue what her relationship status was, but I got the impression that she was single, too.

Time seemed to fly by and the game was over way too soon. When I saw Elle gathering her things to leave I panicked. I didn’t want this to end yet.

“Elle?” I said.

She looked up.

Usually I’m awkward as hell talking to women that I was attracted to. I don’t have a lot of confidence, but I already knew that I needed to push myself out of my comfort zone more often. I tried my best to throw caution to the wind.

“I really liked talking with you. Do you think I can have your number?”

She gave me a weird look I couldn’t read. “Why?”

That was a response I was not expecting. Still, Elle doesn’t beat around the bush, so I figured I shouldn’t either.

“I was thinking the two of us could meet up for dinner sometime.”

She kept looking at me like I was speaking in tongues or something. Maybe she wanted me to spell it out.

“I would love to go out with you.”

Now she just looked even more confused. I was starting to get annoyed. I had no idea what she wanted from me.

“Is something wrong?” I asked testily.

She blinked a couple times. “Either that or I’ve been misreading the situation this whole time.”

“What you mean?”

She pointed. “Isn’t that your boyfriend right there?”

I turned around to just see Pine. Suddenly I understood and started laughing. It began as a nervous laugh, something to ease the tension, but a few seconds later I saw the funny side of it all and was laughing for real, mostly at myself. It was a lack of self-awareness that was ridiculous. Of course that’s what she thought. That’s probably what everybody thought! I had held his hand and cleaned his face with a napkin and even let him take a nap on my crotch! How could I possibly be so stupid?

After about ten seconds of laughing I could see that I was weirding her out and forced myself to stop.

“No, he’s not my boyfriend, I promise. I wasn’t lying when I said I had a great time tonight, either.” I dug into my pocket and pulled out my phone. “Please take a chance with me.”

She was taken aback, but agreed and we exchanged numbers.

I laughed on and off for the whole ride home. Mostly it was from the realization that I would likely never be able to convince any girl that Pine wasn’t my significant other. How could I? I had to spend a whole hour convincing myself that Pine wasn’t my boyfriend back on New Year’s Eve! My situation was so perfectly wrong that I had to laugh at it.

Pine didn’t help matters. He seemed to think I was laughing because I was happy about something. He nuzzled me a few times because of that, and it made me laugh even harder.

Everything we did that night was a reminder of how clueless I was. I gave Pine a shower, washing the dirt off of his naked body with my bare hands and I was in hysterics. When I got in bed with him I had to laugh or else I would start crying. It’s not like I never thought about how the two of us came across. I was completely aware of the fact that all my neighbors thought that I was gay with Pine and I didn’t care, but it’s not like I could just ignore everybody forever.

I enjoyed myself when I was talking with Elle. It made me realize that almost 100% of my life had been taken up by Pine. I love him, but it was nice to just be me for a bit. It felt so good to have a conversation exactly like one that I would have had before he started living with me. He was on my lap and I was able to forget that he was there.

I was reminded of the business trip I had taken back in February, how without Pine I could hardly function normally. I needed to change that, and maybe getting a girlfriend would help with that step.

Once again, I realized what I was doing. I was laying in bed with another man, spooning him like we were lovers, and I was thinking about how I needed a girlfriend. It was all like a cruel joke I had played on myself.

I laughed a little bit more before I went to sleep.

 

XX

The game had been on a Tuesday, and the next day I texted Elle and asked her out to dinner that Friday night. Surprisingly she said yes. I chose the place and said that we would both meet there at a specific time.

I nervously got ready that evening, questioning every single solitary decision I was making. Nothing seemed right. I picked a more casual restaurant, so I didn’t have to dress up, but I still read way too deep into everything. At first Pine watched me get ready, but I think after a while he put together that it didn’t have anything to do with him and went off to sculpt something.

I left the house at what I thought was the appropriate time, but ended up about ten minutes early. Thankfully Elle was early as well, so I didn’t even have to wait that long.

My nerves got less and less prominent as the night went on. We talked about a bunch of personal stuff neither of us felt the need to get to back at the baseball game. She told me she was twenty-five and lived in West Virginia her whole life. She worked in the HR department at an office not too far from mine. I told her about my job and my origins. I can’t say that I immediately felt a deep connection, but we managed to hold a conversation just fine. There was nothing deep or profound in that conversation, it was just…well, nice. If nothing else I could at the very least be friends with Elle.

She didn’t ask about Pine for most of the meal, and I assumed that that would be the first topic of discussion. It wasn’t until we were both finished eating and were waiting for the check that she finally brought it up.

“So, Zach…tell me about Pine.”

I didn’t hesitate. “He’s been my housemate since last September. Actually, I think it would be more accurate to say I’ve been his caretaker. Remember how he never talked that entire night?”

She nodded. “I was wondering about that.”

“Yeah, there’s a reason why. Pine has a very bizarre kind of brain damage. I got him tested recently and there’s a huge chunk of his brain missing. He can’t talk, read, write, or understand any words.”

She cocked an eyebrow.

“Why are you taking care of him? I thought you were an engineer.”

I laughed. “I wish I was getting paid to do this, but no. He’s just been living at my house and I’ve been taking care of him.”

She looked like she was thinking that over. It was a good thing that she saw a lot of Pine’s mannerisms at the game.

“When I found him he was all alone and had nowhere to go. Originally, he was just going to spend one night at my place, but I decided to let him stay with me. I don’t mind all the work because he really is a nice guy. He’s not very bright, but I like having him around. It’s kind of like having a dog, except a dog that’s shaped like a human. He’s just simple and happy.”

She spoke up. “That makes sense. Most of the night I just assumed you two were on a date, but there was something off about the way you were acting. You treated him more like he was a kid of yours, but I just thought that’s how you two operated.”

I shrugged. “Child, pet, friend, there isn’t really a label for what the two of us are. To me he’s just Pine.”

I could tell that she believed me, but I couldn’t quite interpret her reaction.

“It’s all really weird,” I admitted. “Nobody knows that better than I do.”

“You don’t have to tell me that.”

She looked like her thoughts had traveled elsewhere. It didn’t seem like it had anything to do with me or Pine, though.

“Elle, is something on your mind?”

She set her jaw and leaned forward. “There’s something about me that I need to tell you.”

I doubted she had any problems that were as difficult to talk about as mine were, but I didn’t say that. “What is it?”

She paused before speaking.

“I have a daughter.”

It took a few seconds for me to absorb that information.

“Really?”

She nodded. “She’s four now. I always make sure to tell guys that before the end of the first date.”

I wasn’t really sure how to feel about that. I had spent the whole night fretting about how she would react to my situation. It had never even occurred to me that she might have baggage of her own. I didn’t know what I was supposed to say. I tried my best to choose my words carefully.

“Okay then. Thank you for telling me that early on. It’s not a deal-breaker for me, though.” If she was willing to hear about Pine and not judge me I should return the favor and not judge her.

She didn’t look satisfied with that response.

“Look, it is a big deal, but it doesn’t change the fact that I like you. If she’s your daughter, then I’m sure she’s a great kid.”

That seemed to do the trick. I had meant that, too.

I never really felt the need to make a position on whether or not I would date a woman with children, but I really did like Elle. I knew that for a fact. If things weren’t meant to work out, they wouldn’t, but it shouldn’t be a reason to not even try.

“Alright. I’m glad you think that way, Zach, because I like you, too.”

The conversation was a lot more relaxed after that. We were both chatting and laughing on the way to our cars.

“I had a good time tonight, Zach.”

“I did, too.”

There was an awkward pause. I wanted to kiss her, and the timing seemed right, but I was nervous. She was maybe 5’10”. It wasn’t like I had to do anything fancy. I could just lean in, and I wanted to. Being bold had served me well up to that point. In my head I was egging myself on, although if felt more like I was bullying myself into submission.

I tried to go for it, but panicked at the last instant. When I noticed that she could see what I was doing I moved my head over so the kiss landed on her cheek. It lasted for a fraction of a second and when I pulled away I felt myself turn bright red.

She gave me a weird look. Then she started laughing at me.

“You call that a kiss?” She asked.

Before I could reply she kissed me properly. One heartbeat later I was returning the kiss with enthusiasm.

It had been a while since my last girlfriend. The only person I had kissed recently was Pine. With him, it felt nice, but this…this was something else entirely. It sent out a signal that awoke something deep within me. Every cell in my body lit up. All I wanted was to push forward and do more, but I restrained myself. Instead I just put my hands on her head and allowed by fingers to run through her hair. After a few electrifying moments, she pulled away, smiling.

“See, wasn’t that better?”

All I could do was grin sheepishly and nod.

She laughed again. “You’re an idiot.”

She walked to her car, saying goodbye and that we should go out again sometime soon. Even as she drove away, all I could do was stand there. I still felt the kiss on my lips. It felt so good, so right. I also could absolutely get used to Elle calling me an idiot.

Eventually I was able to unfreeze and walk to my car.

 

Elle and I were steadily dating for the rest of April. We both had day jobs and she wanted to spend most evenings at her apartment with her daughter Katie, so we didn’t see each other during weekdays. We did text a lot, and a couple times a week we would talk on the phone at night after Katie had gone to bed. One of the things we did a lot was tell each other stories from our lives.

Elle came from a huge family. She had four siblings, so she had plenty of stories about herself and her family from when she was growing up. I had a few stories of my own, from my childhood and college years. I also told her a couple stories about Pine, like how I found him or the time I broke my arm.

It felt so easy, so normal talking with her. We knew how to make each other laugh and felt comfortable talking about our stresses and worries. The more I got to know her, the more I liked her.

We had a date every weekend. We alternated with choosing locations; the second date was dinner at a place of Elle’s choosing, the third time I took her to see a movie. When we were actually together I did my best to take things slow and keep the contact simple. I’d hold her hand or put my arm around her shoulder. We did kiss often, and every single one of them drove me crazy, but I wanted to take my time. I didn’t want to rush and mess things up, and I knew that if Elle wanted more from me, she’d let me know.

We had been going out for a month by the fourth date. It was Elle’s turn to pick and she asked if she could just come over and have dinner at my place. The way she phrased it told me that she wasn’t planning on spending the night and just wanted to hang out for the evening. If I had to hazard a guess, I would say that she wanted to see more of my life at home with Pine, which was fair. I would have been curious, too.

When she arrived at my house, after she was done greeting me she turned to Pine. She knew at that point that he was more like a dog than a person, so she treated him as such. She put her hand on his head and ruffled his hair. He warmed up immediately. I think he could sense how comfortable and friendly I was with her. He rubbed himself into her palm and rested his chin on her hand.

She giggled. “Aw…he’s adorable!”

I wanted to make sure that he wasn’t in the way, but not make it seem like I was embarrassed of him. He had already eaten, so when I lit the candle by his clay and sculpting tools he got to work and didn’t bother us when we ate dinner. I had made that spaghetti with meat sauce, and she enjoyed it. She actually seemed comfortable, which I wouldn’t have predicted.

After the meal we sat in the den and talked. We were next to each other on the couch, but Pine came over and curled next to me on the other side. Every time he would touch me or nuzzle me I would look over at Elle. She didn’t seem bothered; in fact, she got more annoyed by me constantly trying to gauge her reaction. After about five times, she rapped my forehead a few times with her knuckles.

“Earth to Zach: cut it out.” Her voice had a fair amount of insistence and a touch of exasperation. “I don’t care. It’s fine. Now quit being stupid.”

I rubbed my forehead and grinned. “I love you too, honey,” I joked. She laughed.

Things became much more relaxed after that, enough for me to think about something that had been on my mind for a while. Elle told me several stories about her life. She seemed fine talking about her struggles with me, but she didn’t really talk about her daughter. It’s not like I asked about it, but it seemed like a big part of her life she was keeping to herself. Still, Elle had always been direct with me. I thought I owed it to her to be the same way.

“Elle, tell me about Katie. You don’t really tell me stories about her.”

She smiled a little. “I love her more than words can express. It’s just that I don’t really think dates want to hear about my daughter.”

“Well, I do. After all, I am going to meet her eventually.”

She sighed. “It’s not just that, it’s…it’s just complicated.”

I put my hand on hers. “I don’t have anywhere else to be tonight.”

She looked at me, her eyes a little sad.

“The thing is, when I was in college I was an idiot. I fell for a guy that anybody could have told me was bad news. They did, actually, but I didn’t listen. We went out for most of my junior year and I actually convinced myself that he loved me. He didn’t. He was a lying, cheating b*****d. When he found out I was pregnant, he ran for the hills.”

I had no clue what to say to that, so I kept quiet.

“I still had school and a career to worry about and now I was going to be a single mom at age twenty-one. I could have put her up for adoption, but I chose to keep her and try to take care of her myself. Like I said, I was stupid. Selfish, too. I love her more than anything, but I worry a lot that I’m not providing her with everything she needs.”

I was reminded of the worries I would constantly have about taking care of Pine, like I was doing something wrong.

“It’s not like I was alone, either. My parents and siblings did what they could to support us and help out, but I only accepted their help when necessary. I had given up so much, I didn’t want to give up my pride, too.”

Once again, I had thought similar things. I put my arm around her as she continued.

“I wanted to prove to myself that I could do it alone. I stretched myself out to have a job and still be a mom. I thought I was doing okay, but I was so lonely. About a year ago I was finally able to accept that, and I tried dating. I have some extra baggage, though, more than most women my age. There’s a big stigma around being a single mother, and for a reason. It’s just hard. I like to think that I’m wiser than I was, but I just don’t want to get hurt again.”

She seemed like she was finished. All of a sudden, she got flustered.

“Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to say that much, I just�"”

I interrupted her with a kiss. As it was happening I knew that I had fallen for her. When I pulled away I looked her square in the eye.

“I love you, Elle.”

She smiled. “I love you, too.”

Around an hour later she went home, and I felt like I was glowing. It was the first time I felt like I really wanted to settle down with a girl. It felt incredible.

I walked back to the den, still beaming. It’s not like I had everything figured out. We’d only been together for a month at that point. I hadn’t even met her daughter, but I wanted to do that, and soon. She was fine with meeting my kid, after all.

I scratched Pine’s hair.

“I’m glad you like her, because she’s gonna be coming back more often, at least if I have anything to say about it.”

He nuzzled me and I smiled.

 

XXI

I was browsing Netflix one evening in May when I saw a documentary that caught my attention. It was a newer one, and it was about methods of torture and prisoners of war. It was a morbid subject, normally not something I would be interested in, but for some reason I was really drawn to it. I had no idea why, but my gut told me to watch it, so I did.

It wasn’t very pleasant. There were stories about human experimentation in Nazi concentration camps and Soviet Russia. The last segment was about North Korea. This was more current, and much of the things they talked about were based on allegations. Some of the experiments were only talked about through rumors. Then they said something that made my heart skip a beat.

“While not confirmed, defectors have told stories of human vivisection, organ harvesting without anesthesia, and using brain surgery to turn humans into animals.”

They never went into any more detail, but just hearing that made alarms go off in my brain. That sounded like what had happened to Pine. I had done research on the subject prior, trying to find information that would help me learn about his past, but never found anything useful. This felt like an actual lead.

It was possible that it wasn’t even true. It could have been nothing, but I got a feeling that it wasn’t. I wanted to trust that feeling.

I called my boss and told her that I needed to take the next week off from work. I usually don’t go on vacations much, so I almost never asked for time off. Even asking for the day off back when I filed the police report was out of character for me.

She told me that if I did it I would have to do overtime later, but I let her know that that wasn’t an issue. She reluctantly agreed.

I spent the first half of that week doing a lot of things I’m not proud of. I used any means I could to track down the people who made that documentary. Many of the experiments they had mentioned were also discussed in other documentaries and articles, but turning humans into animals with brain surgery was only brought up in this documentary in particular.

It took quite some time to get ahold of anybody, and the first few people weren’t very helpful. They either didn’t know how they got that specific tidbit of information or knew but wouldn’t budge. After 4 days of searching with little break I finally got something I could work with. I was talking with one of the researchers and writers who told me they had done interviews with several defectors from North Korea. That’s where they got some of the alleged experiments from. The thing was, the defectors only agreed to be interviewed under anonymity. They never cited those people directly. They didn’t sign confidentiality agreements, but all the people interviewed had to watch and approve everything that would have ended up in the final product.

Once again, I’m not proud of what I did next. It was probably the shadiest thing I had ever done. I promised up and down that I wasn’t going to use the information maliciously, I was just planning to ask some questions of my own. I told him that if I was asked how I got the information I would lie and say I hacked into his computer and take the fall. I even made an offer under the table. I don’t want to say what the number was. It was unethical, it was invasive, it was probably illegal, and it was a lot of time, energy, and now money to put into a mere hunch, but I was on a mission, and I’m stubborn when I need to know something.

Thankfully, the man I was talking to either knew I had only good intentions or wasn’t the most morally upstanding person himself, because he agreed. I was aware of the fact that he could have been feeding me fake information, and I wouldn’t be able to get back my money, but after much stalking and using methods I don’t even want to talk about, I had a name and an address. I scheduled a flight the next day. I also called James and asked him to take care of Pine for a little while. It was out of the blue and I didn’t tell him where I was going or why, but he didn’t ask.

The next day I spent eighteen hours on planes to make it from West Virginia to a city in South Korea near where the man I was looking for lived. His name was Ji-hoon, which to a Korean is like being named John or Michael, a very common name. When I finally got to my destination I was so jetlagged and tired I could barely walk. I had to check into a cheap hotel so I could sleep. I don’t speak a lick of Korean, so it wasn’t easy. I had to use an app on my phone in order to talk to anybody, but I was finally able to get a place to crash.

I was so wiped out that I collapsed onto the bed and fell asleep instantly. I remember that I had a strange dream at some point during those several hours of on again, off again dozing.

I was walking through some woods in the mountains back in West Virginia. I was pretty sure that I was lost because I didn’t really seem to be going anywhere in particular. After a few minutes I came across a huge wolf or dog. It had pure white fur and pointy ears. When it got closer and looked at me I saw that it had one blue eye and one brown eye. I knew what was going on immediately.

“Pine?” I asked. “Is that you?”

He didn’t react. When I reached out to touch him, he started growling at me. He hunched down, his fur sticking up. He showed off a mouth full of long, sharp teeth. When he lunged to attack I woke up. It was about one in the morning in South Korea, but I didn’t really feel like going back to sleep, so I read a book until the sun rose.

I didn’t have much of a plan for how I was actually going to approach Ji-hoon. As foolish as it sounds, and is, I just intended to walk up to his house and knock on his door. Once again, it was a big risk I was taking, but I was too desperate at that point.

I took a taxi to his neighborhood and tried to look as non-threatening as possible as I knocked on the door, every fiber of my being hoping, praying.

A very average looking Korean man answered the door. There was no turning back now. I spoke into my phone, asking if he was the man I was looking for. I used his full name. When he read the text on my phone, he didn’t look scared or angry as much as confused. He nodded.

“My name is Zachary Nathanson and I come from America. I would like to ask you some questions about your past experiences. I promise that none of this will be recorded and I won’t tell anybody what you tell me.”

He took a second to read the text and made a confused face. I showed him that I pressed the listen button on my phone as it said, “Korean to English.” He talked quietly into my phone and I read the translated text.

Why do you want information from me?

“I have a close friend who I believe to have gone through an experience similar to yours. I want to know what happened to him and he’s not in a state where he can tell me himself.”

As he read what I told him I noticed that he looked very tired.

He pointed at my phone and I held it up so that he could talk into it.

Come inside.

After I went through the door he gestured to a couch and I sat down. He came back a few minutes later with tea. I don’t drink tea, but I accepted it anyway to be polite.

“Please keep in mind that you don’t have to answer any questions you’re not comfortable with, and if you want I will leave at any moment,” I told him.

What would you like to know about? He asked.

“I have been doing research on a type of human experimentation that uses brain surgery to turn humans into animals. I believe that that has happened to my companion in his past. Is there anything you can tell me about this?”

I heard rumors from other prisoners at the camp I was at. I didn’t see any of it with my own eyes.

“Did you hear anything about what the test subjects were like? Any information would be helpful.”

He sat back and pondered for a minute before answering.

I had heard that they couldn’t speak or understand when people talked to them. They would touch things frequently with their fingers, like they used their hands to see. They were quiet and submissive, scared of all the other prisoners.

I tried to hide my excitement.

“Do you know why these experiments were performed?”

From what I heard most of the test subjects were children. The surgery was done to take the humanity away early and the animal tendencies were put into them through training. The goal was to make a person that could be an attack dog, an unquestioning and loyal servant.

My eyes widened. “Did it work?”

I don’t know. These were all merely rumors.

I nodded. “What you’re describing does match up with the traits of my friend. I had his brain scanned a few months ago and it showed severe adjustments in his brain that looked deliberate.”

It took him a moment to read all that.

Do you not know where your friend came from?

I shook my head. “I found him last autumn and in the whole time I’ve known him he has not said a single word. I don’t know his origin, age, or even his real name. However, he may have come from the place you were at.”

He raised an eyebrow. What does this person look like?

“He’s a white man, paler than me. He has white hair and brightly colored eyes.”

Ji-hoon shook his head. I had been at that prison for eight months and I never saw any white prisoners. The people being experimented on were all East Asian, from what I could tell.

My face fell a little.

I’m sorry that you couldn’t get the information you wanted.

“I’m not upset. I think I got enough information. I just have one more question.”

He looked at me inquisitively.

“Do you sometimes have dreams about the place you were kept at after you escaped?”

For the first time it felt like I had hit a nerve. He started getting a haunted look on his face. I didn’t backpedal, though. I waited for him to respond.

Yes, I do. I would have very vivid, frightening dreams. They would be so real that when I woke up I’d be convinced that I never escaped at all.

I nodded. I didn’t want to say I’m sorry or that sounds rough, because if I were in his shoes that would be the last thing I would want to hear. Instead I just said “Thank you for letting me talk to you. It means a great deal to me.”

I got up to leave, but Ji-hoon got my attention so he could say something.

I hope your friend will be okay.

I smiled. “I think he’ll be just fine. Thank you again for helping me.”

I left.

 

XXII

I had given myself three days in South Korea to get all the information I wanted, and accomplished what I had set out to do by the afternoon of the second day. Combined with the extremely long return flight, I had a lot of down time. I spent most of the time thinking about what I had heard.

I tried to use the information Ji-hoon had given me and what I already knew to form a rough idea of what exactly had happened to Pine, using inferences and guesswork to fill in the gaps. The final version I settled on is imperfect. There are still some loose ends and unanswered questions. I don’t know everything I need to form the complete story, but I think I have enough to guess. This is Pine’s story, as far as I can tell. It’s mostly conjecture, but I think that this is pretty close to what had happened.

 

At some point, a child was taken away. I don’t know how, when, where, or why, but I assume that his parents were out of the picture. It probably happened when the boy was very young. He was likely put into human trafficking and got purchased by a third party, but it was possible that he was taken directly by the person or group of people that I call X.

I only have theories about the methods or motives of X. I have no idea if X is a cult, an underground society, a single very rich and very evil person, or whatever. I don’t know if the actions in question were done to benefit X directly, or if it did what it did on the behalf of some other party. The only thing I was reasonably sure of was that X was not the government of North Korea. Whoever or whatever X was, X wanted a person who could be a pet, a trained servant who would always be loyal and never question orders, even to kill on command. To do this X acquired the child and began the experiment.

The symptoms match too well for me to think the method of transformation wasn’t the same one Ji-hoon had described to me. It’s possible that the North Korean government had heard about this kind of experimentation from somebody else and wanted to try it out themselves.

X used surgery to completely remove the parts of the child’s brain that would allow it to communicate. Any scars that the surgery would have caused would be faint due to how early it was performed, and would be hidden underneath the child’s long hair. The procedure turned the child into a simpleton at best and brain-dead at worst. Once many of the things that would make the child human were removed, the training began to fill in the empty spaces with the traits of a dog.

X raised the child as a pet, making him exist how an animal would. He was never taught how to read, write, or even feed himself properly. Instead he was taught the skills and lifestyle of a service dog or an attack animal. He was physically trained to operate best in short bursts of energy and not endurance. He was trained in methods of intimidation, growling and barking at threats. He learned skills that allowed him to fight opponents much bigger than he was. He was trained to withstand cold and exude heat that could be used to warm others. Most of all he learned to serve and submit to a dominating human. He would never attack or act on his own behalf, but he would lay down his life to protect his master without question. He learned how to sense when his master was in danger and put himself on the line to keep that person safe.

Besides the skills with practical use, much of the training that X gave the child was more aesthetically-driven. He would examine things the way a dog would, touching them with his fingers like how a dog would sniff something. He was trained to sit like a dog, lay down like a dog, show affection to his master like how a dog would, with nuzzling and licking, though the licking was done with the fingers and not the tongue. He would be the most receptive to gestures like petting and scratching. He would see clothing as something helpful, but not necessary. He didn’t have a trace of human modesty or desire to not be seen naked. Where it would be impractical to be a dog, he was taught human traits. He was toilet trained and able to operate things like doors and lights. He didn’t walk or run on all fours, but on his feet because he would be faster.

It was imperative that the boy not only act like an animal, but also see himself as one. They carefully taught him to be afraid of humans, all except for his owner. He spent much of his life interacting with real dogs, enough to think of himself as one of them. He was treated like an animal and not a human. He wasn’t given a name, and he wasn’t allowed to form hobbies or discover interests of his own. The purpose of his life would be to serve his master.

The boy was not treated kindly. To keep him unmarked, X wouldn’t beat him, but instead abuse him in other ways. Food would be kept from him, so whenever he did eat he would as if it were his last meal. He had to sleep in the cold, needing to curl himself into a ball to conserve heat. He would be overworked physically, walking or running until he collapsed. He would be punished whenever he did something out of line. He was to be unobtrusive, low maintenance, and seen rather than heard.

To survive, the boy had to disguise all of his needs from the world. He would never waver in his duties. If he was hungry, thirsty, or tired, he would hide it. If he was feeling emotion of any sort, he wouldn’t let it show, instead keeping a neutral expression. He would never care if he got dirty or even injured. He let his trainers move his limbs and body around without complaint. He was taught, both by X and himself, to always be quiet and not take up too much space. If his emotions did come through, like if he cried or had a panic attack, he would hide away and try to be silent. During his adolescence, he was never taught about what puberty would do to his body. Whenever his hormones flared up, he would simply become more aggressive and territorial. He would need to use crude methods to satisfy his sexual urges. Over the course of almost two decades, a psychological complex was formed within the boy. He saw himself not as a human with free will, but as a tool to be used. Even though he could fight back against the abuse or defy his master, he had set up a mental block that prevented him from even considering the possibility.

This training, this abuse, continued for his entire life. By the time he was of age, he was a handsome, athletic young man. He was also an obedient, submissive dog.

In fact, it seemed that X had done the job too well. Although the young man would lay down his life for his master and was completely subservient, he was too meek, too scared of humans to be all that vicious. He could attack, but probably not kill. He couldn’t be the perfect slave, if being the perfect slave required being a thoughtless killer as well as a docile house pet. In terms of X’s goals, he was useless.

The young man no longer served X any purpose, so X set out to dispose of him. He wouldn’t necessarily have to die, although that would probably have been the most convenient outcome. X decided to leave the young man in some forested mountains. Using powerful tranquillizers and a helicopter, the young man was left for dead. X assumed that when he woke up, he would likely stay there until he starved, or died of thirst, or got hypothermia. If any human did come across him, he would likely hide from them. There was no way to connect the young man with X, so even if he survived or somebody found his body, X was free from all consequences.

The young man didn’t know what was going on. He didn’t know X’s intentions. He allowed himself to be carried away.

When the young man was awoken in a place he had never been by a person he had never seen before, he concluded that that human must be his new master. Without hesitation he turned himself into the servant of that person. In the space of a few minutes he broke his psyche and molded it into a new shape. He had fully imprinted himself on this human, made them the master he would follow and serve no matter what.

 

That’s what I imagine happened. All the details are mostly ones that match up the most with how Pine acted, especially at the beginning. I do think that Pine looked at me as his master at the start, but I know that that’s not how he sees me now. He was subservient to me, possibly even afraid of me at first, but when I treated him with benevolence, he allowed himself to actually love me instead of just serve under me. It makes the most sense when paired with the fact that while Pine did warm up to other humans, like James or my parents or Elle, he was always most firmly attached to me. There is a very real possibility that I was the first person he could remember to have ever been kind to him. It would also explain why he freaked out whenever something happened to me or he thought I was mad at him. He saw me as the force that took him away from all the abuse, the person who finally made him want to live for himself.

This does mean that, yes, Pine probably would have imprinted on somebody else and grew to love them just as easily. It was a coincidence that he chose me, but I thank God that I was lucky enough to be that person. Pine is without doubt the best thing that has ever happened to me.

I got home at around 3 AM, so James dropped Pine off at my house the next morning. Once I had thanked him and he had left, I completely let loose on Pine. I hugged him so tightly that it probably hurt a little. I lay hundreds of kisses on his face, not caring if they landed on the forehead, cheek, lips, eyes, wherever. I scratched his whole body. Over and over again I told him that I loved him. It was probably about ten full minutes of letting Pine know just how much he meant to me. When I was satisfied, Pine was laying on the ground, panting and grinning ear to ear. He looked the happiest I had ever seen him, which was my goal.

I have many fond memories of the following summer. I did so many things with Pine. We went hiking, we went to parks, we even went camping with James, Flag, and Comet. It wasn’t just that, either. I also had amazing experiences with Elle. It was during that summer that I met Katie, who really is an awesome kid. She’s blunt and no-nonsense, just like her mom. I also met Jack, one of Elle’s brothers. Once he was done warning me that if I hurt his sister not even my mother would want to look at what would be left of my body, we got along great. Elle and I also made love for the first time that summer. There were so many firsts from that time, so many milestones and new experiences.

It’s August now, and Pine has been in my life for almost an entire year. He’s turning one soon, and I know I plan to go all out for the occasion. In the meantime, he’s still living with me and still loves me more than anything.

Just the other night, I was awoken from my sleep. I didn’t know why, but after a few minutes I could tell I wasn’t going to be able to fall back asleep easily. I didn’t mind. I had Pine in my arms, and that was all I needed to be content for the moment. I just lay there, happy in my new life, comfortable and safe in his warmth.

Author's Note

Be honest.