IN TENSED QUEEN

EXPRESSES HOW MY QUEEN MAKES ME FEEL

 

You keep me wanting more &

More of your love, so tender.

Gives me quick reaction with every touch

Of your lips, hands & tongue

Makes me moist just by thought

You got me feeling like I'm drowning

In anticipation by the fact

You're the best of the best.

Fondle my mind with your soul

As you give me your all.

No regrets taken you complete me

So sexy are we;

The prettiest picture of love

In tensively, my queen & me.

Author's Note

WHAT DO YOU THINK?

Reviews

[TLK]

"You're the best of the best" and "As you give me your all" are somewhat tepid phrases when referring to a lover. Imagine if you're in the middle of making out and your true love says "I'm going to give it 110%!" in reference to his or her efforts... it's not romantic, it's a parody - it's the intrusiveness of sports-based truisms on an interpersonal space. It brings the sweatiness of the gym into the sanctum of the dyad.

In short, these two lines jarred me out of the feeling of the poem, because I simply do not want two people in love to talk like that. It is an improper register for their feelings and actions. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Register_%28sociolinguistics%29 Of course, at the same time, I don't want to imply that I think two people in love spontaneously quote Shakespear or write love poetry... I just think that loving discussion is a little bit less like a sports commentary.