Heart Breaker

Heart Breaker 

You said you loved me, but you left.

You said we were good, but we weren't.

You said you wouldn't hurt me, but you did.

Where were you when I needed you, you were busy.

what did we do when we were together, we watch television.

You left me broken.

Broken heart.

Broken trust.

Broken belief.

You are a heart breaker.

Author's Note

All comments and suggestions are welcome

Reviews

[JayG]

So, this is a list of someone unknown's complaints about someone we've not met. And perhaps the list is accurate and meaningful—as that person perceives it. But since we don't know them, perhaps they deserved the treatment they got? No way to know, And since we hear only one side of the story, why should we believe it...or care?

Poetry isn't about telling the reader how you feel, it's about making THEM feel. Your reader is seeking to be entertained. Would you be entertained by a list of things that disappointed me this year? Probably not. So why assume the reader is burning to read your list?

Always ask yourself, "If I knew nothing about the person speaking, would the words make me feel what that person is feeling, or simply say, "Aww...poor baby."