Within My Lustful Gaze

Girl watching

You are never a moonlit ship

oblivious in your calm passing

my cove of desired intentions

instead, break swiftly to port

dropping anchor

My charming words wade out 

through waves of enticement.

Licentiously compelled you're

caught in a tide beckoned by

Calypso herself

There upon the smooth coast

of my affection you shimmer

naked within my lustful gaze

as we ignite like a Greek-fire

of dancing flesh

The tide of our constant art

crashes and envelops deeper

ript' out, into our sea of love

as Cupid's fiery arrow flames

this carnal pyre 

But as you walk by I wonder,

If, you knew of these things

would you then choose to be

caught within my lustful gaze

or stay oblivious?

Author's Note

Forgive me for attempting to use the fine form of poetry that is well perfected by the wonderful Girl Friday(Sarah. W). It just seemed to fit.

Reviews

[Girl Friday (Sarah W.)]

I thought that looked familiar... :) I'm loving the mythology references, and all of the imagery was strong and carried well throughout. I think this "style" suits you. I have to remind myself to change things up from time to time lest I not become too stale, so perhaps I'll have to try something in your "style" to throw myself a curve ball. I love the last stanza...such a beautiful and decadent idea. I'm honored, my friend. This was really well done.

[Vile]

Hm, beautiful piece over all. I liked your metaphors and diction, I think you exploited the use of wordplay in this nicely. However one thing I'd like to see a little more from you would be perhaps experimenting with structures a little bit. Something as seemingly simple as line division is very important to the over all effect the poem has, it influences the phrasing, the tone and overall atmosphere of the piece. Other than that, great work, man. :D

[Astro]

Thanks Vile, to be honest my style is more of a no style, I try to be like water and adapt to the words and emotion of each piece, but I do see the validity in your suggestion, perhaps in the future I'll wow you not with my metaphors and diction, but with the structure as it relates to impact. Look around in my library of works you may find that I have a few like that, but I will keep a conscious mental note to give your suggestion a try. This one, felt more like something of a "Girl Friday-styled inspiration" so I went that way. Glad you enjoyed it though, thanks for the honest review.

[Vile]

Of course. Glad I could help. Don't mistake me though, I did enjoy it.

[Astro]

No mistaking my friend, just thanks.

[Mizo4]

Unique metaphors were created in my minds eye within this prose. it was an interesting read good poem

[Astro]

Thank you very much Marion I was attempting to bring the reader into the lustful mind of an onlooker so, I'm glad it took you places.