Dim

First poem. I was 15-16. Still, be as harsh or as kind as you see fit

The soft rain

Stuttered against the window pane

Calling its soft lullaby

Beckoning me to it’s cool embrace

My heart wanted to fly

But my cage held me by a lace

It was a red ribbon tied loosely

Labeled with the promise of safety

 

I wanted to throw it into the fire

But would I be able to climb higher?

Through the clouds shyly peeked the sun

If I let myself go, where would I run?

 

So I sat back

the sun seemed to lack

It’s normal strengthening

It’s shine was dimly wavering

The Light was fighting

Between shining

And hiding

The day remained dim.

Reviews

[Lovecraft]

It's actually quite good for a first poem, better than my first poem for damn sure, lol.

The third stanza isn't nearly as good as the first two, but is still okay at the very least. Although the last line is somewhat beautiful.

Overall, I think it's good! :)