Jazzy Nights

I thank Jazzabilly Blues and Janet Klein for the inspiration. And the other jazz songs that I listened to as well, but I'm not going to list all of them on here, so hehe.

The crowd is bursting out with laughter,

Drinking themselves until they run dry.

The smoke from the cigarettes are just
Another addiction, another part of life.

Awaiting the curtains to lift up their skirts,

The women behind them is fiddling around

With her jet black hair, biting her lip

As the crowd grows loader and loader

With each second of their lives.

The nervousness is crawling on her skin,

The butterflies playing around with her heart.

Watching the manager point to his watch,

The petite women stood straight up,

The words replaying in her head like
The old, worn out radio that sat

On her apartment window sill.

Shaking off the butterflies like

An unwanted friend,

The red velvet curtains arised and

Was set aside,

Making the women take in a

Deep breath before her daily attribute.

Grasping the microphone as though it was a flower,

Giving it all her might to make the people pleased

For the first time in a dreadful night,

The memories of the rum filled nights

Passing away in the smoke of cigarette blow.

 

 

 

 

Author's Note

I hope that this was good; I'm not sure if I should change the ending or not.

Reviews

[Ari]

This could be really enjoyable, but the typos are really distracting. Mostly the use of "women" where you mean "woman". Also, it's "louder", not "loader".

[Bennett Logan]

I like this. It's earthy and gritty and makes me want to go to the jazz club. You have a lot of good imagery here, but it seems to me like you may have two poems here -- similar in nature, but two different poems. One is about the happenings of a jazz joint and the people in it. The other about a seemingly stoic but deep singer who goes up to sing in front of a busy jazz club. It's just a couple ideas I had while reading through your poem.

Otherwise, I really liked the atmosphere. I've written similar poems, and the stuff that goes on in these kinds of places provides endless supply of things to write about. Definately keep up the good work.

[Lee W. Deason]

I like the statement and definition of character in this piece.
Fits the scene well.

[Not Afraid of Bruises]

I loved this piece! You submitted it to the Poetic Shorties II contest, and I would accept it any other time, but it goes over the 100 word limit. Still a great piece, I really loved it. :)

[Emily B]

It's very nice. In my experience, the ending takes care of itself. The more you read a piece, the more you are apt to fiddle with words and placements. You have some lovely images in here.

[Casablanca]

Don't change anything unless you're unhappy. I'm amazed with the vision, the setting, the everything.

A tribute to music, to the soul of notes, to the voice of the singer. Even the emotions of the entertainer are clearly felt.

Stay with your thoughts on this. You've done wonderfully.

[Nicole (Carpe Diem)]

great images - fantatstic piece of writing

[JC Fox]

I liked it wonderful imagery and it made me feel like I was in a jazz club

[Amy Whetzell]

No! Keep it just as it is. Or change it. But I like the way you have it now. Great read!