Growing Pains

The first thing I've written in a long while, I guess this is a little testament to my journey through life so far...

Fear, hate and self-loathing used to be my favorite friends,

In a time where I would go out of my way for others I ended up losing myself.

I felt trapped in limbo and the only escape was narcotics, they helped to to free of the shackles of all the burdens that I bore.

Every time I was alone they would crush me with their weight and only darkness I saw.

Until a light shone from within me, a fire had begun to burn and I threw all of my darkness and burdens inside the flames, to see them disappear into ash and simply just fade away.

I had begun my self-imposed exile from the circles that trapped me.

Once free of those shackles, circles and darkness, the light revealed what had been hidden.

I had become strong, beautiful and the person I had still only dreamed of, the person I wanted to become, Is the girl I am now, not a girl anymore, but a woman.

My wings would soon grow and I couldn't wait to fly, but I knew some changes were necessary before I could reach the heights that I wanted to soar to.

So I retreated, further than ever before, I took myself away from anyone and anything that would disturb my transformation. 

Once, the loneliness would have killed me but now I relish it, it is my kingdom and I the proud Queen.

I finally started to love myself in this kingdom and found inner peace and calm in my solitude. 

Venturing outside those walls however, was my biggest test and I passed with flying colors. I had learn't how to take all the gifts I had received in my solitude and bring them with me outside the walls, they form my sacred armor.

People started to see my sacred armor but nothing past that, they were blinded by the light.

They saw only the armor I wore and they couldn't get enough of the shine but never saw or asked how I felt underneath. That is when the darkness began to seep in again. 

Only to be quickly extinguished by the fire inside me, burning hotter than ever before, eviscerating the darkness and leaving no impurities. When I rose from the ashes this time it was different. My purpose clearer than ever before, each step I took from then always landed on solid ground.

Higher I traveled and further away than i'd ever been before until I realized I had ran out of path, the mountain I had climbed had suddenly ended and I was at the peak. 

Before, I wouldn't have known what to do but I cannot help but laugh with joy because even though I have come to to end of this journey all is not what it seems.

The mountain was only step one, now I'm at the peak I know that the only thing left to do is spread my wings and finally fly, the sky awaits...

Author's Note

I know it isn't perfectly written or expertly crafted but this is a personal piece, a part of me flowing from my head to the words i've written. I hope you enjoy it xo