Sin of Lust: His Ally

The only one that still believes in the boy- a girl with nowhere to return and nowhere to go. (Third and last installment of the The Sin of Lust poems)

I sigh.

Once again I have shown

too much kindness,

too much forgiveness,

too much naivete.

I have gone down.

For a friend I took a fall.

Why must I be this way?

Even when I convinced myself to

close my heart-

why is it I can still feel loyalty in a friendship

that wasn't meant to be.

We are two different people.

We have two different stories.

We have two different pasts,

but we understand-

no,

I understand.

There is no way he could understand me.

Because like the rest

I still keep an important secret away.

Now that I've kept one of his,

I have taken the fall with him.

Even though I feel betrayed, 

I still try to understand.

He said he wanted to break away from his bad reputation,

but he made it worse.

He slept with someone other than his girlfriend-

he got suspended for cursing at a teacher.

We are two different people-

yet how can I feel the bond of friendship.

I feel betrayed,

but I still stay.

Have I not learned my lesson

from the last time I had "friends"?

I understand his past-

but he doesn't understand me.

I try to believe the best in him-

but he ends up breaking my trust.

We are two different people-

him one with a bad reputation and popularity-

me with the good grades and adherence to rules.

Him popular with the girls-

me seen as one of the boys.

We are so different-

yet we have one thing the same.

We both have experienced the low in life-

we both have seen the bottom of the pit.

Except that he has crawled out. 

One year of it and he was done,

he let go.

I, on the other hand,

still don the mask every day.

Five years,

I can no longer pull myself up from the dark waters of the

pit of death-

of the obsession-

of the hold-

of the madness.

Unlike the rest, I barely keep my sanity-

I trust no one.

So why am I still burdened by the bonds of friendship?

Is it because I still cannot let go of the past?

And so I will never change.

Author's Note

Third and last installment of the The Sin of Lust poems

Reviews

[Vipin Behari Goyal]

No human being is beyond Sin. Main thing is introspection and repentance. I find elements of both in the poem. That makes it beautiful. The last line seems to be a rebellion in the poet, it shows the change has already set in and poet would feel insecure with any change so self affirmation to remain static.

This is indeed an excellent poem.

[Nikolean]

Thank you very much!

[Emily]

I like the meaning!
Well done!!

[Nikolean]

Thank you!

[TheMalady]

This person is quite the martyr. He really believes in the everlasting kind of friendship which is his downfall. I can feel the emotions flowing in this poem. Now, I understand why it's a sin to trust too much. You will need to keep fifty-fifty, or rather, sixty-forty. Sixty for yourself and forty for the others. (This is from the person's point of view of course. He is quite engrossed of his own pitfall and you did well to portray his own darkness and burden. Quite psychological.)


You did well. I like how you included some moments you shared with the other guy, as well as the pure innocence he possesses. Overall, I feel like crying for him. Ha-ha. Just kidding. I like it. :)

[Nikolean]

Thank you!

[Meeks]

Amazing poetry displayed here. There's something deep here that I can't grasp, a bit like feeling around in the dark, so I'll show you what I know and hope you enlighten me.

"There is no way he could understand me." - this doesn't sound convincing, as if the speaker is almost trying to reason with himself.

"we both have seen the bottom of the pit" - support for the previous. They used to be friends, right?

"I understand his past" quite confident some philosopher said 'to understand is to love,'

Overall, lots of in betweenness, and now that I gathered my thoughts I can kind of grasp it. The last line is a perfect blower, as usual.

Great write. Don't ever give up writing, unlike some people I know have done recently.

[Nikolean]

Hm...thank you! Maybe this will clear it up a bit?

"There is no way he could understand me." this part is her hoping that there is someone who could understand her and even after telling him some of her secret, she knows he can't understand the deepness of her sorrow because of his mindset. She knows he wants to be genuine but he's too shallow. She wants him to understand, but knows he can't and so is trying to convince her heart that he doesn't understand.

"We both have seen the bottom of the pit." They were both good friends until his secret came out and they are slowly drifting apart. The "Bottom of the Pit" refers to depression and she said he can't understand because he has only seen the "tip of the iceberg" of depression and has gotten out, while she herself is still stuck on the pinwheel of despair.

"I understand his past." What you say is true, however, she isn't really in love with him. It has crossed her mind before but unlike him, she has a fear of love.

And thank you! I won't give up writing- it is my life :)