Off Leash

A Stage Play by NuanceOfToronto

A lighthearted look at the beginnings of a friendship.

SCENE 1

Elaine’s back yard. There are no fences.

DAVID (30s) knocks on Elaine’s door. ELAINE (30s) answers. They stand in the doorway.

DAVID
(clearly irritated)
Now I know why my shirts have holes in them.

ELAINE
Why?

DAVID
Because I was stupid enough to leave them out on the clothesline where your monster dog could get at them.

ELAINE
I’m so sorry. I didn’t know.

DAVID
Hmm, really? Hmm--really? You let your dog run off leash in our adjoining back yards with no fence, and you had no idea your dog would tear up my shirts?

ELAINE
What’s wrong with you?

DAVID
What’s wrong with me? I’ll tell you what’s wrong with me. I’ve got no shirts. You better keep your dog on a leash, lady, because for every yappy little Jack Russell you’ve got in your house, I’ve got a German Shepherd in me.

ELAINE
Hey, I’m not putting up a fence! I literally froze my a*s off last winter trying to put up a damn fence for you!

DAVID
You literally froze your a*s off. You did not literally freeze your a*s off. Because if you had literally frozen your cute little a*s off, then you would now be minus an a*s.

ELAINE
Fine!

DAVID
Fine!

Elaine slams the door on him. David starts to exit. Elaine reopens the door.

ELAINE
You really think my a*s is cute?

© 2016 NuanceOfToronto

Author's Note

This was an exercise for my playwriting class where we had to eavesdrop during the week and then string quotes together. Mine were: "Now I know why my shirts have holes in them," "Hmm--really? Hmm--really?" "I've got the German Shepherd in me," and "I literally froze my ass off." We had five minutes during class to write this.