All in a Day's Work

Just like any other day, Joey awoke and made himself a bowl of fruit loops and heavy cream. As he rushed out and locked the door behind him, Joey realized that he had forgotten one crucial step in his morning routine. Joey returned to his kitchen, inhaled a banana, and carefully placed its peel behind his door, before locking it and heading to his car. 

Tooting to work in his Leyland Mini, Joey was already imagining his return home: exhausted after a long day and being welcomed by an outrageous slip on the banana peel that he placed for himself. Life was good.

As a mail carrier, Joey always found a way to make his day new, fun, and exciting. Usually, this involved delivering the personal correspondences accompanied with a borderline offensive, “THOO-PR-EYES!”, to the unsuspecting recipient. This habit certainly gave Joey’s tongue a good workout. 

One house along Joey’s route of the day was particularly intriguing, “Now this looks like the kind of place that will appreciate my style,” Joey thought. It was a small, all-white house surrounded by a colourful garden of flowers and a short white picket fence. Joey approached the door and knocked using the door-knocker, which was the size of a quarter. After completing some quick tongue stretches, with a deep inhale Joey was already feeling the jitters of excitement and anticipation. 

But Joey didn’t even complete two syllables - " “THOO-P” - " BLA-BLAM!

His headless corpse collapsed on the porch of the red-white polka-dotted house, revealing a petite grinning old lady wearing glasses with lenses that looked like the bottom of a mason jar, holding a double-barrel shot gun - smoke escaping both barrels.

Author's Note

In case you didn't notice, my writing is mainly nonsense. I hope this made you think and/or chuckle.