Don't look within them, look without them.

Don't look within them, look without them.

A Poem by Haer'dalis
"

An account of an Autistic's resolve to combat his demons.

"

I have Demons within, fueling my addiction to Sloth.

Confronting them brings only frustration, they are more persistent than you would think,

They wear my face, speak with my words, prey on the knowledge that I ache to find somebody like me,

In my words, they can find my weaknesses.

In my thoughts, they can bring not cruel activity, but the lack of all activity,

They remind me that this world is not mine. There can be no protest, both they and I know this.

They bring reality into my dreams, intelligence into my fantasies,

They torment me with things I cannot achieve in this life.

 

--But Why?--

 

I have Demons within, channeling my desire of Wrath.

Confronting them brings visions of misery, wrought in the moment when I plunged the knife down.

They wear the faces of my oppressors, prey on the knowledge that I am alone in my defences.

In my emotions, they can find my hatred.

In my bloodlust, they halt my anger and stay my hand,

They remind me that Wrath brings yet more Wrath, there can be no protest, my nightmares are reason enough.

They temper my dreams to forebodings, my fantasies to omens,

They torment me and say I will never be strong.

 

--For how long?--

 

I have Demons within, augmenting my urge to Envy.

Confronting them only highlights that which I long for, my own eyes bringing pain to my soul.

They wear the bodies of perfection, prey on the knowledge that imperfection brings sorrow.

In my centre, they can find my wistfulness.

In my desires, they remind my that not all things were made equal,

They remind me that perfection brings it's own brand of sorrow. No matter what one protests.

They bring a slight of hope to my dreams, want to my fantasies,

They tell me that beauty is something I may yet achieve.

 

--But when?--

 

I have Demons within, churning my need to Lust.

Confronting them only reveals the little time left to me, the failings my body shall soon endure.

They wear the faces of temptation, prey on the primal want within.

In my eyes, they can find that which I require.

In my sight, they taunt me with my caged hands,

They remind me that in all my confidence, there is a flaw. Protestations cannot solve it.

They bring the passion to my dreams, the fire to my fantasies,

They tell me that sometimes the world simply tempts you.

 

--By Who?--

 

I have Demons within, feeding my connection to Gluttony.

Confronting them only opens my senses to food and drink and all the needs I crave,

They were the faces of cheer, prey on the relief I find in simplicity.

In my taste, they grant me a small reprieve,

In my mouth, they give me something to believe.

They remind me that throughout the harsh world, the simple things are never protested.

They bring comfort to my dreams, peace to my fantasies.

They tell me that Zen comes from appreciation.

 

--How?--

 

I have Demons within, forging my will of Greed.

Confronting them only emphasizes that I yearn for more than I have,

They wear the faces of fame, prey on my lonely infamy.

In my ears, they relay the thoughts of others,

In my stomach, they give me the fear of rejection.

They remind me that only the exceptional succeed, and they make the protests.

They bring time to my dreams, haste to my fantasies.

They tell me that I am different, a mixed blessing.

 

--What's that?--

 

I have demons within, crafting my blazing Pride.

Confronting them brings a storm of wits that I revel in,

They wear their own faces, prey on my thirst to crush them.

In my heart, they force my blood to obey.

In my veins, they let me taste of heady power.

They remind me that inner strength trumps everything else, my voice drowns out all protest.

They bring omnipotence to my dreams, superiority to my fantasies.

They don't tell me of the virtues, like humility.

 

--I don't need them--

 

I have Demons within.

They are mine, not yours.

Their faces are fearsome and terrible.

But I am stronger still.

And I always will be.

© 2008 Haer'dalis


Author's Note

Haer'dalis
Just experimenting here. Go ahead and look it over!

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Added on July 18, 2008

Author

Haer'dalis
Haer'dalis

Hastings, New Zealand



About
Nothing much to tell. Name's Dale Ogden, live in New Zealand, got directed here from Fan Fiction, where I wrote several fictions on Kingdom Hearts and Final Fantasy 12. Thanks to Hito me Bore, who sen.. more..