The Soul Confined

random?

Your soul is taken for an eternity,
but your life is forgotten
for you have done terrible deeds.
Your body is now rotten,
so you may not need new seeds.

Your master took you soul,
but he put it in a cage.
I thought I'd try to be nice,
but you're just full of rage
making you roll like dice.

Acting that way will never help you
for you can't have your soul.
It will never be the same
for your eyes burn like coal,
and no one will ever know your name.

Even you have been confined
for you don't listen.
Your body is covered in knives,
but you need to finish your mission
of saving others' lives.

Your eyes go through me
just as your body sees.
Don't run away
for I just found my keys,
and i have something to say.

These keys are used on you
for your heart is blacker than coal,
but no one has to say unto you
that you have a role
to do.

Reviews

[FlawedByDesign]

It seems to me that you struggled a bit with rhymes in this poem. Maybe the 5 line stanzas did not suit you...just maybe :)
I did not quite understand "making you roll like dice". It seemed disconnected from the rest of the stanza. It definitely rhymes, but you have to be careful of making things rhyme for the sake of the rhyme while losing meaning.

All in all, nice write.

[Jong Schrijver]

Good poem but personally I think it was, like others said, forced. It just didn't sound right sone times. Still a good job though

[Kasey Jones]

I agree with FlawedByDesign, don't force rhymes. This was good, but seemed scattered. I suppose it's meant to be like that...
This is somewhat dark. Nice write.

[Michael W. Farrelly]

Very nice piece. Dark. Some nice imagery regarding the eyes.

[Crowley]

Dark and a little sad. This is the best one of your poems so far, that I have read. Some good lines in here, "your body is covered in knives" great image. Nice job here girl. I liked it.