You

Help her understand.

When you find the woman you’ve been waiting for, the woman that teetered on the edge of your dreams, a glimpse of mysterious beauty, too far for clarity but too near for courage. Is it the human condition to want something more?


Romanticism doesn’t allow for searching for these life changing moments, nor does it grant you time for when they pass by. So, we have to leap and fight for each and everyone of them, blink and you miss, linger and they are gone. I intended to do neither, she was my first and I pray she is my last. 
She means the world to me, I say that without hesitation, neither fondling for words, nor searching for similes for confirmation.

However, there is a modern complexity in this simplicity.
 Overthinking is one of our worst combatants. My Perfection was never a claim, looking for perfection seems unfair with hindsight. Although this never stopped me thinking:
 “We speak in foreign tongues, ignoring your rights from my wrongs.
Down a winding country track, will we ever find our way back?
But you mean the world to me, why am I debating whether it’s better to be free. 
Conflicting desires have always scarred my mind, maybe one day I will find, that the grass is greener where I’m stood, you know be more than anyone should.
 Strike a match, don’t let it burn out fast. Were we really built to last?
how can we be? If i Still don’t know how to be me” Ruinous periods in ruinous places had an adverse effect on my personality. I show very little and give even less sometimes:


“I feel tears, but I haven’t cried for so long,
I feel hatred, why do I have to treat you so wrong. A heart blockade, another devastating tirade upon a girl whom I need to love.
Eventuality will soon befall me, she isn’t everlasting , and I’ll die when she’s gone. The last one; to ever lay claim on my heart, to try and understand that I’m an emotional Stonehenge, she needs to depend, not be thrown in at the deep end. While I stay afloat, attached to the buoyed in my way.
 I need her to stay.
 Why can I not write about the love we share? A maddening, soul shattering wasteful love, with you and I in the eye of the storm.
From a Meteoric rise to an angelic fall from grace, do i need the space? Or am I just scared? Of the drop beneath the trap door, of hurt, of pain that only you could retort.
Hating you, to hate me there is no sense in this plea, just the echoes of a man withholding all his plans, because she just can’t know, just how much... she really ..means to me”


I realise now, just by writing this how confusing this must seem, how, unfair and incongruous I can be.
I know this cannot continue, won’t continue, I won’t allow for us to be just fading memories, An old picture found in years to come.
I love her and losing her must surely mean the breaking of my heart.
Change, live and love without falter. Please.