Be Correct

Be Correct

A Poem by Olivia

God, can't you just see it
Ohh the pretentious laughs
And the dribble drabble of minty fresh breath

The world is translucent
But who cares?

God, I'm tired
Tired of speaking
back and forth
through ancient air waves

what's so great?
jibber jabber
on the front porch
With the quilted women
her lips tucked

I saw a rainbow
ohhh some days
ago
maybe it was today
And the weary men
bent down and prayed
for the colors in the sky

You don't see right
shapes are too disturbing
and the curvy figures of people
aren't very fair
sir
aren't very fair, sir

© 2015 Olivia


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dan
Olivia, Your overall writing and your use of imagery is top notch. This seems like it is about a person who is basically world weary, tired of all the things that don't agree with the person. You seem to be speaking to mostly men ("...the weary men bent down and prayed...") and ("...aren't very fair sir aren't very fair, sir.") It seems as if an incident involving a male in your life has wronged you in some way, and maybe what you are tired of is your feelings of anger and resentment. I may be way off but that's what I see. And I see a very well-written piece. take care...dan

Posted 9 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Olivia

9 Years Ago

When I was writing this I didn't really think about what I was trying to say directly.
But I .. read more
dan

9 Years Ago

My pleasure. dan



Reviews

Sometimes it's good to stand back and take stock; to reflect that to bend with the wind is one thing, to surrender to the storm is another, We are who we are, and should not change simply to accommodate the wishes or needs of another.

You have vision beyond your tender years.

Beccy.

Posted 9 Years Ago


Olivia

9 Years Ago

Thank you so much for the kind review1
I just truly love this. Can't find the words for it.

Posted 9 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Olivia

9 Years Ago

I really appreciate you reading and reviewing my stuff!
Thank you
The use of repetition be it in devices ("dribble drabbel" and "jibber jabber") or as in the final stanza is pitch-perfect. This work is a wonderful example of insight into the hows and whys of how we as people think and act combined with an impressive commnad of the language and the ability to play around with it. This is very, very impressive work.

Posted 9 Years Ago


Olivia

9 Years Ago

thanks for the kind review and for taking time to read it
A real look at shapes and sizes and colors in this imagery filled work, excellent portrayal

Posted 9 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Olivia

9 Years Ago

thank you so much!
[send message][befriend] Subscribe
dan
Olivia, Your overall writing and your use of imagery is top notch. This seems like it is about a person who is basically world weary, tired of all the things that don't agree with the person. You seem to be speaking to mostly men ("...the weary men bent down and prayed...") and ("...aren't very fair sir aren't very fair, sir.") It seems as if an incident involving a male in your life has wronged you in some way, and maybe what you are tired of is your feelings of anger and resentment. I may be way off but that's what I see. And I see a very well-written piece. take care...dan

Posted 9 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Olivia

9 Years Ago

When I was writing this I didn't really think about what I was trying to say directly.
But I .. read more
dan

9 Years Ago

My pleasure. dan
the shapes of people today?
out of shape...the colors in the sky seem really distant.
life is disturbing and love is weary of how we have trashed it to feel hate.
we may write love poems, but are we living them?

Posted 9 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Olivia

9 Years Ago

Thank you for reading and analyzing my poem.
I really admire your work and it's very nice to .. read more
Well written piece, the last stanza is terrific! Thanks for sharing and b-blessed!

Posted 9 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Olivia

9 Years Ago

thank you!

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7 Reviews
Added on February 20, 2015
Last Updated on February 20, 2015

Author

Olivia
Olivia

About
I'm a teenage writer. more..

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