In Trust I Trusted

As always, not satisfied, but I still hope you enjoyed!

Bones to bones

Figures of clay

Crafted by Gods

Were we

In the chambers of hearts

Sleeps a choking desire

Beneath polished skin

Is greed

A human frame

With the face of an angel

My blood you boiled

Like tea

In trust I trusted

Lord knows I did

Like the sailor trusts

The sea

Prisons you built

With these pillars of trust

Thousands of doors

No key

In trust I trusted

Seduced by my sin

All I learned was how

To bleed

Author's Note

Picture by Pyrogas-Artworks at DeviantArt!

Reviews

[Manu]

Wow..This is absolutely perfect. Wonderful imagery and this got me into deep. Great write!
Sometimes trusting is very difficult and to have that faith even after getting hurt on the trust itself is something really incredible. In trust I trusted- I really liked this line a lot. Great punch line at the end. Fabulous write, Omikron. Every stanza is amazing.

[Omikron]

I am beyond touched by your review, thank you for the kind words, and I am happy you enjoyed the poem.
And I agree, trust is difficult, because it's a risk, and it means putting ourselves in a place we haven't been before,it happens way to often that the ice is too thin and we fall into cold water... yet we still keep swimming.

Thank you for reading and reviewing.

// O

[Joey Nizz]

great words of depth

[Ana Papaya]

Yeah, I totally get this. Good work O.

[Omikron]

Thank you Papaya!

// O

[OhSnapShley]

Round of applause! I loved the first stanza and the feeling just grew with each line. I really enjoyed the imagery.

Thanks for sharing,
-OhSnap

[Omikron]

Thank you for reading and reviewing, much appreciated! Looking forward to read some of your works too!

// O

[...]

Great title! Superb opening and closing stanzas, your word choices are image filled. Thought provoking read, it feels like the fall out...and the emotional price is the greatest harm where one loses themselves....I enjoyed this. Starzy

[Omikron]

Thank you so much for reviewing, Starzy! Glad you liked it.

// O

[Bear]

Critique: I enjoyed the avant-garde style of your writing but the sentence structure detracts from the story so I offer this edit restructuring

Bones to bones
Figures of clay crafted by Gods were we
In the chambers of hearts sleeps a choking desire
Beneath polished skin Is greed
A human frame with the face of an angel
My blood you boiled like tea
In trust I trusted lord knows I did
Like the sailor trusts the sea
Prisons you built With these pillars of trust
Thousands of doors without a key
In trust I trusted seduced by my sin
And all I learned was how to bleed

[Omikron]

Thanks for reviewing, as always appreciated. Howver, I must say that your edit erases my personal style a bit, and I actually prefer the original structure, somehow I think that it brings the message forward better. May I ask how you feel that the structure detracts from the story?

Thank you for reading and commenting, I always appreciate your suggestions of improvement!

// O

[Bear]

Sorry for taking so long to get back to you I had to install a new hard drive in my PC so I have been off line for the last week. I get to your point and apologist my old school etches don't always mesh with new school views. This old dog is not so old he can't understand new tricks whether he can conform to them is yet to be seen :~) have a great day my friend

[Omikron]

Well, I hope you do enjoy your new hard drive :) Do not apologize for your personal and unique style of writing, I am more than happy to explore various ways of expression in writing, after all, the finest thing in being a modern human is to be able to experience the differences in people...

// O

[Bear]

So right you are some people life a life time and fail to learn that :~)

[Bear]

and the hard drive is working fine, losing my book marks and having to reinstall all the writing programs and tools is a pain in the posterior

[Omikron]

Well, isn't technology just fantastic? ;) Hope it works out for you my friend, and I do hope that you'll write something of your own soon, I'm eager to read your work :)

[Tony Jordan]

We give others the keys to our heart to our souls and feelings and trust them not to lock us out - making us homeless from ourselves but it is a trust that is often betrayed and we are left locked out but also locked in.

On a critical note I was jarred slightly by the 'sailors trust the sea' analogy for I always understood sailors to be wary, fearfully respectful and in awe of the sea but never trusting - ergo they wouldn't even learn how to swim !!

The overall feeling of being left to rot and left to ponder and rue the act of trusting is very well conveyed Omikron.

[Omikron]

I'm glad that the analogy caught your eye, it is just as you say: sailors fear the sea, because everytime they set out to sail they never know if the sea will be clear and beautiful, or stormy and dark, and be the very passion that kills the sailor. This is why the sailor has to trust the sea, because with trust there is always a risk that your trust may kill you. I hope my explanation cleared things up, as a quick summary: The sailor has no option but to trust the sea, which is a risk, since the sea is the one deciding whether the sailor lives or not.

Thank you for reading, I am so thrilled that you enjoyed the poem :)

// O

[Tony Jordan]

Okay - it is your write Omikron so here we can agree to differ my dear poet lol.
I did enjoy it very much.
You're welcome
:)

[Emily]

The fifth stanza was my favorite!
Love this one!
Keep on writing!!

[Omikron]

I like that one as well, thank you kindly for reading :)

// O

[Valentine]

I like the 3rd and 4th grouping the best. Valentine

[Omikron]

Thank you very much, I must admit that the fourth one is my personal favorite....... :)

read moreThank you very much, I must admit that the fourth one is my personal favorite....... :)

Thanks for reading!

// O

[BBP]

Nicely written. Perfect analogies to get the point across and love the title.

[Omikron]

Thank you!
// O