Tears of blood

this was writen along time ago and as i belive still a good poem, if not let me know

 

Tears of blood stream down my face as I watch you through the darkness,

You were broken your life was taken,
there is nothing I can do,

As I watch you die

You slip away but I must stay

as tears of blood stream down my face

I cant stand it

Should I take it the last drop from you
or should I watch,
Watch you slip away

Now we are together

Forever in each others arms

Every night together walking hand in hand

We will be this way forever

You and I

Together in darkness we stand.

 

 

Author's Note

unfinished, but would like to know what you think

Reviews

[Donna M. Burr]

lol. I am guessing this is a vampiric poem knowing you. It sounds like such to me, but I could be wrong for all I know. I liked it, though your meter is set weird. It wouldn't hurt a little to break down some of jumpy sentences. "Should I take it the last drop from you" is a bit distorted. Probably either make a new line starting with "the" or take out "it" and it will sound heavenly. :3 Overall, I like it as I normally do your stuff. lol