McDaniels - Sexual Assumptions

A scene from my sitcom "McDaniels." This would be the introduction to the episode about "Sexual Assumptions." Stuff that sounds bad, but isn't.

Sexual Assumptions 

ENTER NATALIE, in uniform, looking glum, she sits in a booth. THE RESTAURANT hasn’t opened yet. CHUCK comes over to the booth and sits across from NATALIE.

 

MICKEY

So, how did the interview go?

 

NATALIE

I’ve never been more humiliated in my life.

 

MICKEY

Always a good way to start a story.

 

FLASHBACK, AN OFFICE. ENTER NATALIE, ELDERLY GENTLEMAN sits behind the desk.

 

NATALIE

Hello, sir. (shakes ELDERLY GENT’S hand as he rises)

 

ELDERLY GENT

Natalie, is it?

 

NATALIE

Uh, yes, sir.

 

ELDERLY GENT

Do have a seat.

 

SHE SITS.

 

NATALIE

Thank you, sir.

 

ELDERLY GENT

A few questions about your resume, which I read… a little.

 

NATALIE

Shoot… sir.

 

ELDERLY GENT

Are you secure in… what’s the word? Secure in your…

 

NATALIE’S jaw is on the floor, afraid of the obvious innuendo. 

 

NATALIE

What letter does it start with?

 

ELDERLY GENT

I believe it starts with an “S”. Yes, that’s right. Are you secure in your… your…

 

NATALIE

(regretfully fills in the blank) Sexuality, sir? 

 

ELDERLY GENT

No… no. PHOTOGRAPHY! It wasn’t an “S’. That’s what was getting me. (PAUSE) Sexuality? (grunts in disgust)

 

NATALIE

(eager now to makeup) Yes.

 

ELDERLY GENT

Would you consider yourself a virgin?

 

NATALIE

I’m not sure I understand what you are getting at?

 

ELDERLY GENT

(to the point) Are you a virgin? (awkward pause) Would you consider yourself a veteran? 

 

NATALIE

I… do I have to answer this?

 

ELDERLY GENT

Just a simple question.

 

NATALIE

I wouldn’t consider myself a veteran, no… I’m a virgin.

 

ELDERLY GENT

Well, then why would I want to hire you?

 

NATALIE

YOU’RE NOT GOING TO HIRE ME BECAUSE I’M A VIRGIN!?

 

ELDERLY GENT

Plenty of other WELL qualified applicants have already been in this office.

 

NATALIE

Just let me get one thing straight before I walk out that door and SUE YOU. Are we talking about my experience as a photographer or are we talking about my sex life?

 

ELDERLY GENT

SEX!? Of all the cockamamie— (grabs his arm, starts having a heart attack) Get out of my office!

 

CUT BACK TO THE RESTAURANT. 

 

MICKEY

He died?

 

NATALIE

Yeah, he died.

 

MICKEY

Ouch. (PAUSE) So, did you get the job?

 

NATALIE

Umm, no. Agh— why do I feel guilty? I shouldn’t feel guilty. That sexist pervert had it coming.

 

MICKEY

Blame it on society, I find that always works for me.

 

NATALIE

Oh, yeah, it was definitely society.

 

MICKEY

Absolutely.

 

 

END SCENE.  ROLL OPENING CREDITS.

Reviews

[Chainsaw Enema]

Damnit, Nathan, you can't tease me like this!

Great opening, I laughed out load. I can tell you actually put some thought into your characters, you bring them out of the 2d and into the 3d realm. Fantastic dialogue, and like I said in the other comment, I could easily see this as a show.

Now I would very much like to continue this.