The Sacrifice, The Gift

My first short story!! I wrote this in an exam so this is the scrapings of what I could rememeber. Please be brutly honest!

 He hoped that when the time came, he would be able to do the right thing as the doctor explained the situation to him. “Marks condition can't be cured” The doctor said the words gently but detached from emotion. “He has a very rare lung disease, he has a hole in both lungs which we have never seen before. He is only the fourth in all medical history. It means he can't live without life support. This isn't ideal for him as its not very good living condition. Due to his age and size he can survive on life support machines but as he grows he's lungs will be unable to support his body” Nigel shook his head as he heard what the doctors had told him many times before.

“I know” He said “I've told you before, I've made my choice”

“I know its just that...”

“NO!!” Nigel screamed “He will live!” Nigel loved Mark more than anything on this earth. He was in a state of denial and refused to believe that he was ill. He hoped and wished that all of this was just a dream that he would one day wake up from. But it wasn't. It was very real, the pain, the illness, everything.

“Sit down Mr Jenkins.” She said it firmly but kindly and as if by magic he listened and obeyed. “I was going to say, there's been new information regarding his case.”

Nigel sprang his head up “Is he OK? Is he getting better?”

“No Mr Jenkins, Marks illness is incurable but he's not any worse. Now as you know Mark has a very rare blood type correct?” Mark nodded weakly in hope that this could help Mark “And even though his lungs are damaged his heart is perfectly healthy" The doctor sighed and considered what she was about to do. She knew how hard it would be for Nigel to hear what was coming. She considered how wrong it was of her to ask something like this but it was her job and she couldn't not do it. Because however wrong it was from Nigel's side, it right if thought of from the other side of the story. She knew that there was situations in peoples lives where a time would come, that to do a great act of good, you would have to do a great act of evil to someone else. She just never thought this type of thing would happen to her, still she continued. “A boy came in yesterday, with a very serious condition. He has a heart that is way too small to pump enough blood around his body to survive”

“So? What does this have to do with Mark... Can this boy help Mark?”

The doctor shook her head “No. Mark could help this boy” She waited for it to sink into Nigel. For a while he just sat there blank and confused until he understood what she meant

What?!?!” Nigel stood up in anger slamming his fist on the table he peirced the doctors heart with his eyes. In fear she stumbled back. “You could potentially save his life...”
“No!!! I don't think you fully understand what your asking me?!?” He yelled not only in anger but in pain.

“I know how hard it must be for you and I understand completely it's just...” Nigel threw the table across the room “Do you have children?” He asked

“No” She stuttered cowering against the wall, he had a look of pure anger and disgust in his eyes that terrified the life out of the young doctor.

“Then you will never understand” He spat. “You are asking me to kill my son so this boy can live!” he was weak from disgust and his knees finally gave way, he fell to the ground in a pile. The doctor slowly walked over to him. She knelt down to his level and put her arm around him.

“You're right I could never know what your going through. But you can understand what they're going through. You will never be able to play, to hug, to run with your son. But imagine if someone could give you all of that? If they could give you your son? Wouldn't that just be the greatest gift? I'm sorry Mr Jenkins, I really am but that won't happen but you should give this gift to his family... You could give them everything you could never have... You could give them their son back. This boy will live a long healthy life, one that Mark could never have. You could be a hero and a saviour to these people. All you have to do is sign here” She placed a piece of paper and a pen on the floor in front of him and pointed to a dotted line. Nigel sat back and thought about what she was asking.

After his wife died in childbirth Mark was all he had left, he was his whole world. But what if this boy was his parents whole world? What if he's all they have? He could give them a life. He could give them everything he would die for. He thought of all of the good times he could have with Mark. Playing football, eating dinner, watching movies, having the 'Sex' talk. As he thought of it he smiled, a smile which soon faded when he realised it would never happen, but he could make it happen for these people. People he doesn't even know, but the pain that he felt explained what they had in common. He knew he could give them the greatest gift all he had to do was make the greatest sacrifice.

“I love you Mark” Nigel stuttered the words through his tears as he picked up the pen “If I cant feel the joy, I'll let someone else have it” He signed and just cried. He picked up Marks teddy and hugged it as close as it could possibly go.

“You did the right thing. You're a hero to them” The doctor said words that comforted Nigel just a tiny bit. “I love you Mark... I love you... I love you...”

Reviews

[beauty in are hearts]

I really like this so much deatil.you can actully see it happening. this is a great short storie. very touching oh two things theres a e missing from one of you he's after What if he's all they have? and a,d missing from your and when mark picks up the teddy. otherwise i belive you did great. really enjoyable to read

[Gary H]

This is well thought out and an entertaining write. Seriously this is really good BUT you do need to think about spacing writing out and distinguishing written word from speech - leaving lines between who said what etc.
Honestly, this will attract more readers because work is often looked at as a sheet of words and takes too much time to fathom out whats going on. Just keep things simple and let people see what you are writing without having to work too hard. Please, you are too good a writer not to use this advice and I would be disappointed if you don't find more readers.

[Fantasyfairy]

Amazing story. Your imagination is brilliant, though there are a few typos that need fixing, it isn't anything that a read through wouldn't fix. Beautiful writing baby-girl XX

[Jenny Ge]

It's good! Out of curiousity, why is there a different font?