A Boy Named Sue [Short Adult]

A satiric story based on the Johnny Cash song, "A Boy Named Sue."
There's a lot of cussing, as in the song.
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Sue was coming off a memorable drunk, lying in bed. Early in the afternoon, he was trying to work up enough energy to get up when a telephone rang.

"Ka ... Kin I speakin' ta Doris, uh?" A gruff man's voice was on the line, "Dois' Cash?"

"Doris was my mother. She's been dead twenty years now. Who the hell is this?"

"Who's you's? Is you's ... S -- Sue?"

"This is Sue, who are you?"

There was a long pause on the line, then, 

"I -- I guss I's ... you's fater."

"My father? MY F****N' FATHER? Where the hell are you, you son-of-a-b***h?"

"Sowy, bye." The drunken b*****d hung up.

Sue immediately called the phone company to find the number the caller had used and, eventually though a friendly operator, the address.

***

Sue Cash had finally found his father, the son-of-a-b***h that gave him that name. The man that had then left his mother and disappeared when he’d been eight, leaving them broke and in debt. All he'd had to go on was the name, Henry Cash, and a head-shot photo. Although never meeting him personally since then, Sue Cash hated the man.

That name had caused many a fight in his youth and encouraged Sue into overcompensating. He was by then a thirty-year-old adult with a police record for bar fights and assaults, all because of that f*****g girlie name.

Sue had no skills, having dropped out of high school because of constant harassing. He was an alcoholic, another trait inherited from the b*****d, and couldn't keep a job. Sue figured he was already a ruined man, and all because of the name and the a*****e who had named him.

He'd first questioned his mother, then the few friends of Henry Cash that were still in town. Sue had trailed the man from city to city, and state to state. 

Public records showed two name-changes in the intervening years. Police reports in newspapers showed Henry spent time in prison for bigamy. Sue read, interviewed, and followed the paper trail -- murder foremost in his heart.

Now, it was all coming to an end. He had tracked the b*****d to Memphis, to a cheap boarding house there. Grabbing a roommate by the throat, half-throttling the son’a b***h, finally found him at a certain Country and Western bar. 

Wiping tears from angry eyes, Sue pushed the door open, finding himself in an all too familiar setting. Women in jeans and men in cowboy hats danced in front of a massive old-style bar. Colored strobe lights showed tables at one end and booths around three sides, completing the decor.

Although needing a drink badly, Sue ignored the bar itself to stand against a wall beside the door, letting his vision adjust to the dark. Hard eyes slowly scanned the room, comparing faces with that on his lone snapshot, looking for the b*****d that had named him Sue.

There! He found the man, sitting alone at a table near the rear. 

Sue walked over, never taking angry fiery eyes from the man. As he approached, he noticed the son-of-a-b***h looking at him, a puzzled look on the b*****d's face. Having abandoned them when Sue was eight, the c**k-sucker probably sees a resemblance, Sue thought.

He walked right up to the a*****e and yelled at the top of his voice, "My name is Sue, how do you do? You're the b*****d that named me Sue," and hit him square between the eyes.

Well, his father rose back up, revealing himself to be an old man. A short chubby soft-looking old man. But he could fight like a professional. 

The two fought across the room and back, down the length of the bar, patrons jumping aside and cheering, and across the room again, both up and down the wall. They banged each other into the restroom, knocking over two toilets, and back out again. They fought for almost an hour before Sue finally knocked the son-of-a-b***h down. 

Then the b*****d got up with a knife in his hand, which Sue kicked and sent spinning across the room. His father looked up at Sue and smiled. 

"Let's take break, son. Yes, I'm the man who named you Sue. You can kill me now and I won't blame you if you do," he gasped out, forcing himself to his feet to stand a chair back up to sit on.

Sue, not really knowing why, dropped his fist. Growling and glaring, he grabbed a beer from an uncomplaining biker at a neighboring table and sat down to listen.

"I knew my wandering ways, son, long before you were born. I figured you would grow up like me, soft and weak, a lousy fighter in the game of life," his father gasped out. Loudly sucking in air, he continued, "Since I was broke -- as usual -- I wanted to leave you something, something to strive for, which is why I named you Sue. I knew you'd have to grow up fighting, would have to build up your body and mind. 

"Yes, and even suspected you'd have to look for me later. I didn't think you'd succeed and have, myself, changed over the years." Tears formed in the old man's eyes as he talked, voice cracking with emotion.

Sue felt anger and tears flowing out of himself, mixing with the booze and the blood and the beer, onto the sawdust of the floor. 

Trying to force a smile, his father sniffled, reaching into a small pocket in his vest.

He pulled out a pistol, aimed at his son and laughed. 

"Ha. Got you, a*****e," the old man gloated as he pulled on the trigger.

Sue was ready, firing his own revolver a split second before his father, killing the old man instantly. He then stood up to kick the old reprobate in the face. Sue almost made it to the door before the police grabbed him.

***

"All right, Bubba," Sue got up from a prison bunk, "I'll get it." 

He rose and walked across the cell to find a piece of rag to wipe his cell-mate's genitals.

As he moistened it with warm water from the sink, Sue looked into a stainless steel mirror on the wall. 

"Damn, I look exactly like that b*****d that named me," he observed. 

With a name like his, Sue had been easy prey to the really badass homosexuals in the State Penitentiary.

The End.
Oscar Rat