Dear Ginger Deer

Once upon a time, there lived a beautiful healthy young deer named Ginger. Ginger lived a quiet life in the forest, picking expertly through the farthest underbrush for the perfect berries to supplement the bland greens she could obtain everywhere else. Ginger was unique among her herd because she had an understanding of dietary balance: the vitamins she got from greens stabilized her digestive system and promoted regularity, but only fresh fruit could sustain the well-being of her cells and organ functions and muscle growth.

Ginger’s dad wasn’t keen on that next-generation psychobabble but her mother was slightly more open-minded. Mom would defend her daughter’s progressive thought patterns to the other, more conservative deer, sometimes even to her own disadvantage, and that was a source of great pride for Ginger. Their bond was strong - some say timeless.

One day as Ginger approached the border of a rich human’s orchard, her friends began to goad her into venturing over the line.

“Just jump over the fence!” teased Seth, a male member of the herd. “Just hop! You don’t have to eat anything! I dare you!”

Ginger wasn’t easily persuaded. Possessing a strong will of her own, and having been raised to appreciate independence, it was all but impossible to nudge her into doing anything she didn’t want to do. At the same time, however, she did consider herself an adventurous spirit, and the idea that she could cross the fence (which carried a small but intimidating electric current) when none of the others would only served to boost her sense of self-worth, maybe even granting her bragging rights.

“What’ll you give me?” she asked the others slyly.

The males looked at each other.

“We won’t try to mate with you at first rut,” said Tosh, one of the obnoxious older ones.

Ginger looked at them. “That doesn’t mean much. How about you extend that to all spring?”

Again the boys shared glances; doubt and disbelief encircled them.

“You’re pushing it,” said Tosh. “How about this? We won’t try to mate with you - all spring - unless you ask for it first.”

“Dude!” Seth protested.

But Tosh hushed him. “She ain’t gonna do it,” he whispered. “She knows the human who lives there has guns.”

Seth itched with uncertainty.

Sensing advantage, Ginger smiled at them. “Deal!”

And in another second, with a leap as graceful as the morning flight of a vibrantly colored butterfly, the young doe conquered the electric fence and landed softly on the other side, mere feet from a spectacular budding grapevine.

The boys gazed in amazement at the sight, awed in spite of themselves.

“Deal’s a deal,” Ginger declared. “Boy, I can’t wait for spring!”

Just then Tosh’s eyes filled out and, with a tiny tail-twitch, he took off like a bolt back into the woods. Seconds later, the other deer of the herd mimicked his movements. They crashed like lightning through the woods and were gone, leaving Ginger alone.

The doe didn’t have to turn around to know with creeping spinal horror that there was a human approaching from behind. With a tremble, her sensitive ears received the sound of cold metal clacking.

--------

Back at the herd’s hideout, Tosh and Seth and the other young deer had just gotten back and were grouped around in a circle, recounting the stages of the story they had just experienced. They all expressed wonder about if Ginger was still alive.

Then, suddenly, there was a massive percussive blast that echoed through the forest.

The deer all hung their heads and mourned the passing and probable human consumption of their former herdmate.

“Oh well,” said Seth. “She wasn’t gonna let us mate with her anyway.”

“That’s true,” Tosh added. “She was probably a lesbian. Doomed by her own choices.”

“You know, I always thought there was something weird about that doe,” said a female deer. “I got the impression she had something wrong with her.”

“Yeah,” said another female, young and energetic. “She, like, had a messed-up head!”

“She was gonna die anyway.”

“Without even mating!”

“We’re better off without her!”

“Golly, I hope they at least got her in the head or the heart. I hate seeing someone survive that.”

“Probably. The guy who lives there is a good shot. He’s killed a lot of us.”

After a moment of thought, the deer herd began to uncomfortably move deeper into the forest. The idea that an injured, bleeding youth might find her way back to the campsite made them nervous. They hustled into hiding.

--------

Meanwhile, because Ginger’s diet was so advanced, and she exercised regularly enough to easily hop electric fences, her reflexes allowed her to react to the cocking of a shotgun, and preemptively kick the weapon out of the hands of any assailant attempting to shoot her.

Once the aggressor was on the ground and unarmed, her powerful legs could then deliver massive amounts of trauma to the cranial and thoracic areas of a soft human, leaving him or her permanently disabled.

A fabulous feast would ensue - a feast of all the berries and greens that grew on the now unclaimed property. Plus, it was totally private, because the electrified fencing surrounding it scared off most of the other scared little b*****s. She mailed some fruit to her mother and educated the local hunters on migration habits of the herd.

The end.