November's Courage

If you have ever experienced compassion or love, even with a plant or an animal, think about it. Breathe it in and make it the focus of your thoughts. Allow love to pour forth from your heart, run like water through your cells, and finally drip out, warmly, through your tingling fingertips.

Anger is fear in disguise. And each of us is terribly afraid. We are either afraid of what will happen, or we’re afraid of what has happened. We are either afraid of losing control, or of never having any. We are afraid of either the questions or the answers. There is always something of which to be terribly, cripplingly afraid.

The solution is courage. Find courage, and then hold onto it as the face of true fear emerges with all its flags and banners and promises of violence, and the intensity of its speeches makes your legs start to shake. Don’t give in to the infection of anger; stand as yourself. As a self-sufficient being. Believe in your courage, and in all that you are capable of.

But how to find such courage? A backbone of it sturdy enough to prop us up while everyone around us crumbles? Some people will show courage by proving that they aren’t afraid to either face suffering or dispense suffering on others. They will pick up weapons and foam forth, hiding their fright behind rage, targeting their perceived tormentors with teams of allies who are equally as afraid to admit that they’re afraid. A special few, however, will show an even more profound courage by stopping to think - and by allowing those thoughts to acknowledge that they are, in fact, also afraid.

If one side attacks the other, retaliation follows. And one side will then attack the other. And then there will be more retaliation. And one side will again attack the other. And then, retaliation…. Is there any courage to be found in joining the fight? Risking life and limb to stand for something, in the hopes of a physical victory against the fear inside? Certainly! Tear gas and batons and bullets are painful!

But, just as adolescents find fledgling courage by losing their selves to sex, alcohol, crime, and drugs, it is a shallow courage. They follow someone else’s example; it doesn’t come from inside. Thus, that kind of courage will always require someone else to stand and believe for them, to set an example that can be emulated. As with the mindless momentum of an armed mob, it’s an immature, selfish courage.

Instead, think for yourself. Have the greater kind of courage. The kind that needs no reinforcement. Dare to be alone, and vulnerable, and at peace. If you close your eyes and think about love, especially if you are alone with that love, it brings about the same feelings of risky reward that giddy teens and flocking throngs receive - only, with no one to follow. It comes from inside you, and you’re alone with it.

But remember that love, and stay alone with it. Hold onto uncorrupted compassion, and allow it to generate a craving. Embrace unconditional empathy, and accept that it’s what you would want someone to show to you. If the sights and sounds of others’ shallow, herdlike “courage” frighten you - it would be unhealthy if they didn’t - and you can identify the difference between adolescence and maturity, then close your eyes to the noise for a moment. Block your ears briefly. Learn to experience the vulnerability inside, because once you can face that, you’ll be able to open your eyes and face anything.

Feel the miracle of breath, and the wonder of grass beneath your feet, and the musical mystery of your own unique existence, working each day, on each level, to find harmony with all that is. Then imagine that it is the same for everyone else in this reality. And believe that if it feels this powerful to be alone with your own lonely love, how nice might it be to share that vulnerability with someone else, to find warmth by filling in the gaps in each other’s lives? There’s little difference between the angry ones and you; they will simply be struggling against their vulnerabilities while you are bravely acknowledging yours. And that is their loss, because you’d be a gift to know.

So know that you’re afraid, yet be courageous enough to unclench your fists. Who knows? In doing so, you might just find that you have become the one setting an example for other fearful strangers to emulate. Mass vulnerability addressed with maturity and compassion? Imagine it.

Warmth enough to last all winter.