#49- Nagging Thoughts.

Thought that won't go away.

J wants to keep things 

Slow, Miss.

Checking expectations.

Low pressure.

I think she's afraid

Of rejection.

And being hurt.

And that's fair.

Who isn't?

But as I find myself

With growing feelings,

I find myself 

Returning to

A thought that comes

So very often

When it feels like

Something nice might happen.

"It's going to hurt like hell,

When she finally breaks my heart."

I remember, months ago,

Feeling cautious and apprehensive.

Thinking about my growing feelings

For you, Miss.

And the joy I felt

When I finally gave up

Trying to slow or stifle 

What was building inside me.

The fear I carried.

For so, so many years.

When I could tell myself,

"Why worry?  

She's not the kind of person,

Who would do anything

To hurt me."

But. I was wrong.

Or right, rather.

Wrong.

Right.

It doesn't matter, 

In the end.

I guess.

But the fear is still there.

Doubly so, maybe.

And it's keeping me up,

Tonight, Miss.

I know I've already forgiven you.

But part if me is still crying about it all.

"How could you?"

Author's Note

Sleepy, but can't sleep.