One Autumn Night

the topic chosen is about an unique and rare feeling after the breakup.i was inspired by autumn nature not my personal experience -PYG's Whisper

i’m sitting alone in this damp street 

No one but me and the moonbeams 

Stars are shyly showing off their dazzling charm 

The wind is passionately touching the tree’s silhouette 

I'm silently watching them dancing to my mute melancholy 

My volcano is strangely so wise tonight 

My earthquake is finally constant 

My tsunami is completely dry 

No damaged fantasy 

No query for a smashed memory 

October’s moon is so plump 

No more you within its sheen 

I know, it’s a temporary truce 

Between hate and love 

I know I’ll crave you by noon 

Yes I'm in the loop 

But at this point, I'm over my love disaster  

I'm missing you right now but I don’t lust for you 

Obviously I'm thinking about you 

But at this moment I don’t wanna behold you 

You who carelessly watched me making out with sadness 

And proudly locked me in the cage of loneliness 

You who promised to keep me warm inside your chest 

You who ghosted me with a cheap finesse 

Instead of painting the vibrant amber, yellows, and reds of our 4th autumn 

I'm writing the end of our finis chapter 

Darling, I'm not hating you 

But I'm not forgiving myself for loving you 

For sending all my starry prayers only to you 

For forgetting myself just to remember you 

For sucking your anxiety just to hearten you 

For dating the night just to meet you 

For faking my satisfaction just to delight you 

For believing the masquerade written by you 

For cutting off what I needed and gave it to you 

But I was invisible in your cold fortress 

Where I thought I’d loose it with the flame of my romance 

I was thrown away in your wizened forest 

Where I believed I was your red tulips 

In the end, I was your first falls leaf that fell from your sick tree 

And set it free with a grip of an icy wind 

Tonight, I'm lost on this wet sidewalk 

Somewhere out of your zone 

Aloof place where my broken heart was buried 

I remember, you were my Bethlehem’s star 

Everything was ridden by your shade 

And I was a fool for believing that I was your sun 

Sure, Love was never happy by my side 

I lied to myself and now I’m paying off the debt 

Tonight I'm stripping off my soul from its last ill hope 

Tonight I'm on my knees apologizing to these sparkly creatures 

For absorbing their spiritual energy 

In order to protect who left me murdered 

By the ghost of him 

Who’s still dwelling within me 

Tonight I'm dimming between these moving clouds 

Losing myself to this wistful breeze 

Weaving my torn spirit with hued autumnal notes 

Before waking up from this dream 

And back to beg my heart to stop begging you 

Tomorrow I’ll fall again, break down again, and get rejected again 

But tonight I'm giving up on my life 

This life called ‘YOU’…