Break Away

Finally, I speak up.

Break AwayBreak Away

 

     Stand your place and don't move until I finish what I'm here to say. Be all ears and don't let your mind go astray. Look me in the eyes, can't you?! You're too cowardly to do so, I know. Don't curse under your breath. Let me hear you when you do. It's obvious that I'm not here for one of your usual whims. I'm not here to beg you to give me more or take less. I haven’t come today to take your permission before taking my next step. I'm not going to kneel down and pray for forgiveness. The time when I would cry in your presence had vanished. The time when I would melt in my agony and you would rub salt into my wounds had disappeared. Remember the days when you would ruin a relationship in a minute because I misbehaved! Remember the sleepless nights in which I would stay shivering and shaking out of my fear of you! Remember every slap across my face and every strike against my heart! Whenever I stood up; you knocked me down. Wherever I found refuge; you turned me into an outcast. You never acknowledged the human inside of me. I had always been your doll; your tool. You had painted my days with your gloomy colours. Didn't you know I hated black?! You robbed me of joy and laughter and filled their place with coldness and loneliness. Betrayal is your distinguished mark. You had never held any sacred thoughts. You had never considered God who might be there in His Heavens watching and might punish you severely. You have been created out of coal and fire taken from the darkest hole in Hades, I believe. What's Satan compared to you?! At least he works upon a code of beliefs. Satan has principles and YOU DO NOT! I can't comprehend the reasons behind your actions. Or are there reasons at all?! Are you just fulfilling a role you've been assigned to? What do you want else? What do you want more? Didn’t you already take your share of my miseries? Is there any kind of suffering you didn’t inflict on me?! Are there more friends to take away? Are there beautiful memories left to erase? Are there dreams you're determined to snatch away? What do you want again? To follow? You want me a sheep in a herd? The skies are closer to you than having me imitate the ways of your people. I'm not a robot and I'm not planning to turn into one. I'm not a b***h w***e, I've never been and I will never be so shut the hell up. What is it to you who I talk to or befriend? How does it matter if I read this author or that? I don't want to be the woman you want me to be, and I'm not a man. What if I wasn't a man?! Why do you curse my womanhood and expect me to bless your doings? Why do you count my inns and outs just because I was born a woman? Is it my fault that I have two XXs instead of XY? What does lie there in the back of your mind when you move ne as a piece of chess? I'm not willing to waste my youth receiving orders, at least not from you Highness!! I have a Self that can lead me to the right track. Enough is enough. I'm through with your Dos and Don'ts. I'm done with if you did I would and if you didn't I also would. The only tense in your booklet is the imperative; talk don't think, sleep don't dream, hate don't love, give don't take, study don't learn, cry don't smile, shut up don't laugh, answer don't ask, response and don't feel. There's one verb you had always missed; the verb SCREAM. Have you ever glimpsed it? Why had you never ordered me to scream? Why have you never used that verb? I'll be using it from now on. I'll be screaming. Screaming because my heart burned till it became ashes ready to spread over your control. Screaming the life you imposed on me. Screaming the heart you stabbed, the soul you tortured, the eyes you burst, the fingers you cut, the lips you shut, the dreams you rubbed out and the future you slaughtered. Screaming the murk I lingered in. You had never imagined my silence could be so hazardous. You had always been certain that I was silent because I was weak, defenceless, vulnerable, fragile, broken; simply a woman. Yes, I used to think I was all those until I spot that verb; scream. Do you have any idea what does that word carry between its letters? Do you know what does each letter load? S is the Sabre I'm going to Sabotage your chains with. S is Sacred as mySelf, Sacred as my Soul, Sadist as you are, Safe as I have never been, Saga as my Story, Sage as I'll become, Salty as the taste lingering in my mouth, Salvation I Seek, Sangfroid as I used to be, Sanity which doesn't matter anymore, Sass as me, Satan; a better friend than you, Satisfaction I've never had, Savage; you, Saviour; I Search for, Scandals you involved me in, Scars all over my body and Soul, Scared every night, Scattered is your image, Sceptical about everything, Schizophrenic you made me, Scornful of you, Scramble the Stairs of life, Scratch my ready-made life-plan, Screech to your face, Scrub my filthy past, Scrutinise my Schedule, Sculpt a new future, Scurrilous criticism for me, Sea I'll Swim in Searching for an identity, Sea breeze Sheltering my Seclusion, Secret Seduction of Security Seeded in my Sensations, Sensible and Sentimental, Serious and Severe, Shaking and Shattered, no Shelter to Shift to, nothing Shiny but Shocking, never Shy or Sick again, looking to the Skies to forget what you call me. I'm not a S**t. Stop Smacking me. I'm not a b***h w***e, I have never been and I will never be. I'm Smart enough to Smash up your power. Do you need more? Screaming the Catastrophes you Caused me, Rebelling against Reducing me to a man's Rib, Endured Enough Evil Events, Exhausted of the Exile, Apologising for Absolutely nothing and Attempting to Attack the Awful enemy. Messed-up but Mature and would Manage her Mortal life. Scream I will. Screaming I am. My life is a mosaic. I'm removing the pieces you placed randomly and replacing them with mine. I'll be the creator of my journey. My dreams are MINE. My life is MINE. My heart is MINE. My body is MINE. I'm not a b***h w***e, I have never been and I will never be. You're not cleverer than I to think for me, not wiser to understand better, not graced to bless and curse as you feel like and not God's gift to consider me a demon. If I wanted to be a demon, why?! It would be my free-choice. You've got a mind, I have one. You've got a future, I have also one. You've got a past, I have an unhappy one I can learn from. What makes you better? Being stronger, richer and more powerful doesn't mean I'm nothing. You're many and I'm alone, that's true. But I'm standing my ground screaming till I make you deaf. I'll re-paint my easel and throw the black on yours. The colours are now MINE. Gather your forces against me. Use all your weapons to knock me off. Send me to the furthest are on Earth. Do whatever. When I'm up, nothing you do will bring me down. When I reach the clouds, no earthy mud will make me fall. When I fly higher and higher, you'll look smaller and smaller. You're too tiny and minute to be noticed from above. The whole universe will be MINE. The path is stony and thorny, I know that much. But I'm stronger. What you did to me made me powerful. I always prayed you'd leave me. Now I'm leaving you. Go to Hell with your ways. The devil takes what you think well and what you believe fit. I'm through with this prison you've locked me in for so many years. It's time to break away and become finally free. The scent of freedom calls on me to join the other world. Not your cold one but the other green and thrilling world. Before I break loose from your trap, I want to warn you that there's going to come others to join me and will Scar you with the Shatters of their mirror cells. Heed my warnings. You'll remember the incident when Id foresaw the future. Your day is coming. Bleed! Bleed hard and I'll watch you red and feverish. Don't look for help because nobody will hear you. It's only me here. Wait for your end patiently.

Farewell, Superego!