Moonlit Lakefront

My mind is racing

Heart is pounding

As he kisses my lips

In the beautiful surrounding

Of this moonlit lakefront

The stars are heavily shining

As to let me see the love in his eyes

As our hearts move to aligning

He caresses my shoulder

Ever so tenderly

As I dissolve into him

Forever into his memory

Reviews

[Wolfwind]

I love the quick pace this piece has and how it feels like a dance that ends with a perfect kiss in a sense. I think you've used clear and well placed descriptions to carve the image out of the page and place it into the mind of the reader.

I would make two suggestions to clean up the flow. Line 4, I'd go with ending that line as "...surrounding"
This would allow it to rhyme up with line two and line 6.

The other suggestion would be to drop the "And...." From the beginning of the last line. It's a filler word and takes away from the otherwise powerful and beautiful ending that you've created.

Overall, I found that the piece offered a wonderful experience of emotion and scene. It takes us on a short ride through a beauitful dream like dance. Nicely done!

Aaron - Wolfwind

[April Mitchell]

Thanks for the kind words, and the critique!

[poetdoug]

What a lovely setting for a 'crooning" moonlight date.
The stars are heavily shining as to let me see the love in his eyes"
Very romantic.
And I love the climax: As I dissolve into h9m forever into his memory."
Well done my friend

[April Mitchell]

Thanks for the great review!Glad you enjoyed it!