Journey Through Depression #1: Frozen in Time

This was originally written for an Honors English II poetry project about a difficult life experience. Revised for grammar and content. This piece reflects a moment in my seventh grade history class.

Laughing again…

They’re always laughing.

Those girls and their annoying cackling.

Boys toss paper balls across the room;

they laugh along with them.

 

I try not to listen anymore; my eyes shift"

the quiet chick reads to herself, as usual.

The nerdy dude busies himself with his work, as usual.

The teacher scolds my rowdy classmates, as usual.

The clock ticks on, and everyone passes me by...as usual.

 

I’m frozen in times, unable to push past my own emotions.

The once colorful, luminescent room is now lifeless, pale.

My once-smiling face is flat like soda left without its cap too long.

Eyes no longer sparkle in the dirtied fluorescent light;

shoulders sag under the weight of despairing hopelessness

 

Thin bodies tremble with repressed giggles,

full lips twisted into permanent smiles.

They drift through life,

their presence drilled into my thoughts.

What I wouldn’t give to drift along with them.

Author's Note

Reviews always greatly appreciated. I like to improve my writing, and I'm always open to constructive criticism! Thank you in advance!

Reviews

[Chip Murison]

Really nice poem. Sounds a lot like my 7th grade class.
Great image - My once-smiling face is flat like soda left without its cap too long.

The last stanza is the kicker though. First aloof and critical - "They drift through life" with their fake smiles and then "What I wouldn't give to drift along with them."

I love that twist. It pulls the entire poem together and captures the tortured feeling of never ever being able to fit in. (Yeah it would be nice to drift with them but it would also require a lobotomy.) A feeling I was very familiar with at that age.
I had to get a lot older to not give a s**t anymore. :-)

[Jamie]

Thank you so much for your feedback!

Honestly, I didn't intentionally bring it from aloof to longing, but subconsciously, maybe I did. It was an assignment for my Honors English II class, and this whole series of poems [little slow on getting the other three up] was still a very fresh wound at the time. They say the best writing comes from the most raw emotions though, so my subconscious had my back here. X3

Oh, totally. Wouldn't want fit in with those stereotypes here [never did], but when I put myself back in that moment to write this, I was more so thinking, "I just want to be happy like everyone else. I was..., so why am I not anymore? What's wrong with me?" It was envy of their happiness, of them being normal 12, 13 year olds.

Your interpretation was also very interesting though. I hadn't ever thought of it as "I just want to fit in". And that is a very real possibility for this poem. Thank you for that new perspective. I could easily use this as a coming of age poem too, and I hadn't even realized it.