Wits About You - part 1 of 2

a true account of times when I had to use my wits to get me out of trouble

Wits About You

They’ve been enough occasions in my life when my mind was dull when it could have been sharp, and I’d come to regret that I did not have my wits about me when I needed them most.  But they’ve also been a couple of times when my wits were sharp, and managed to get me out of trouble.  My first example comes from Spring of 1986 and the title of this very short story is:

 

 The Well-Mannered Thug

 

One day, at the age of 15, I crossed the sports field of Monkseason High School during the lunch break.  I was walking alone, on my way to join my friends on the other side.  Suddenly I found myself surrounded by a group of lads, half of which I knew from one of the classes I was in.  There must have been five of them.  The leader of this group told me in his signature low, slow voice.

“Hey Kelly, it’s your turn to get wedged.” 

Oh, no I thought, I can’t believe this.  For some bizarre reason wedging had become a thing recently.  It involved being picked up by the underwear, until it was stretched really long and high, and would probably hurt. The lads began to crowd in towards me, blocking any avenue of escape.  I was trapped.  Luckily I had the presence of mind to try one trick before surrendering to the inevitable.  I looked the leader in the eye, a big, blond haired lad from my geography class, known for his bullish ways and low figure IQ, and I tried my gambit.

“It’s not fair.  You already got me yesterday!”

This lad stopped for a second, hunched his shoulders and simply replied, "Sorry.” Like a good, well-mannered thug.

Then he turned around and walked off, with his other low IQ friends following him in tow.  I couldn’t believe my luck.  They’d fallen for my bluff.  I’d suspected they were stupid, but the fact that non of them could remember what they’d done the day before surprised me beyond belief.  And that is the true story how I managed to be one of the very few boys who didn’t get wedged that year.

Reviews

[Michelle Buckley]

The dreaded wedgie! Whatever happened to lads just peeing, seeing how far or high it would go...

[Paul Michael Kelly]

yes, that was enough for me, and I stopped that at the age of eight.

[Joss Jeffrey]

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[Paul Michael Kelly]

this looks like copy + paste advertising to me.
Did you actually read what I wrote?

[Joss Jeffrey]

Yeah i read it

[Paul Michael Kelly]

can you understand my reaction?
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[Joss Jeffrey]

Yes i do author. tittle of your story is The Well-Mannered Thug

[Paul Michael Kelly]

thanks. I may need some artwork in the future.

[Joss Jeffrey]

Is there any other platform where your book is available?

[Paul Michael Kelly]

no not yet, I'm still writing the collection.

[Joss Jeffrey]

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