Old friend

Hello old friend, you make me dwell onto the past grasping it as if it was a rope that is the only thing keeping me from dying, I never knew how much you meant to me till now as I see you with that smile,knowing not the hardest parts of your. Life that are coming. How I envy you so much my old friend, the youthful look that you still carry, I can no longer live wishing I can trade places with you, your life isn't mine and my life isn't yours I have to keep it like that no more. yet I can't seem to grasp this part of my life, I'm terrified of what's become of me.I can't seem to handle it. the rope is slipping I'm falling into a pit filled with shadows of my past devouring me. no way out but up with no ladder no light above just ground below me.I cry at nights wishing old friend that I was you that I can feel your happiness to feel no fear I no longer long for this world but for the next, who am I ask myself old friend I can't seem to know who I am! I'm lost old friend please I beg upon my two knees please show me my way home I'm lost.But alas as I put the picture down all I know is you're an old memory of who I was and never were. (Who I never will be)