Not That Movie With Doris Day

It's not Pillow Talk, it's Just Talk, which is made of small vignettes about life and other random things.

ACORNS

My dog has found a new delicacy on the sidewalk: acorns. Just a crunching then left and right. I'm trying to walk her and that is impossible, as we are now eating an impromptu brunch I wasn't invited to, only squirrels and Scout were. I'm not a fan of nuts that fall from the sky, bounce, and then frighten fictional talking chickens. I just wonder how Scout is going to climb that tree to her new squirrel-mate-for-life's nest. [I will only let Tree-Rat move in if he can water-ski in a baby pool.

HAVING A BAD DAY?

DOG: Rip off that band aid the four-year-old put on you, and then chew on it the rest of the day, just to make the humans wonder...and because it tastes funny and sticks to you upper teeth.

CAT: Turn your back to the humans all day. If they try to pet you, start bathing the place that means 'f-you.'

WHAT?

When the dog pulls at my gown, I feel like I'm a plus-sized version of those old-fashioned pin-ups in a sailor's locker in the middle of the ocean, right where his wife's picture should be...So. Wrong.

BARBIE

The other night, I realized something. When i looked at myself in the mirror...I looked like a brunette Barbie who had brought a book with her to bed. And everybody knows the brunette Barbie is for the little girls who already hate blonds at the age of seven. I was one of those. The brunettes were always sold out...I was not alone.

COFFEE. BOOKS. RAIN.

A perfect day if you are a Liberal Arts Major, or if , you know, an introvert. Yeah, that works,too, and usually they go together, unlike ball caps and the ballet . Now that is just wrong. (True story, I was there, and the mix of ball caps outweighed the furs.)