$1.14

$1.14

A Poem by Ink
"

Based on a real homeless man that I saw one day..

"
No shoes
Clothes splashed with dust
A fisherman's hat - he must have fished
it out of some sludge...

The wrinkles on his face, where grime collected
was a storyboard of rejection.

In this urban downpour, he was
well dressed in fatigue
enough to be camouflaged
enough to be comfortable
for who?

"Three French fries short of a Happy Meal"
is what his sign said.
I saw all this from my peripheral as I
walked around
and entered 7-eleven for a Slurpee.

© 2013 Ink


Author's Note

Ink
$1.14 is how much a medium Slurpee cost when I was a child, if you're wondering about the title =]

As always, bring the constructive criticism - kindness not necessary =]

My Review

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Reviews

This poem made me weary. Now, I don't mean that as an insult. It just seems to strike plain and true about something very real. That is hard to find in poetry anymore. As for criticisms . . . The only thing I can think of would be that there seems to be very little order to how the lines are constructed. But that is just something I've been dogmatic about in the past. The last work I did was intentionally less structured, and I have to say, it felt . . . freeing, in a way. So I guess my "criticism" is rather irrelevant, isn't it? :)

Posted 7 Years Ago


I liked this write.
My favorite line was, "well dressed in fatigue". How true this is! Very mature view here. I see a theme of being your brothers keeper here and in your other poem.
You might consider not repeating enough and flip the question around to say, *for whom is he so comfortably dressed?* or something else entirely. Other than the repeating word to start your line, I think this was a strong write.

Posted 8 Years Ago


Really well done. There are stories to be told behind those dirty faces. The last lines slammed me! We do this. We do. Angi~

Posted 8 Years Ago


Outstanding piece. Reality mingled with metaphor, a clear and stark tale.

well dressed in fatigue
enough to be camouflaged
enough to be comfortable
for who?

Brilliant - "dressed in fatigue" - the weariness of this poor man; he hides just enough for society to be "comfortable" with his existence.
Well penned, Ink!

Posted 8 Years Ago


i really like the title...and the odd cents..and there is an odd sense of how we ignore the homeless, walk away from them for one reason or another...but they are people just like us..and often were just like us before some misfortune had them in camouflage on the street begging for quarters...trying to piece together a buck to get those other three fries.

and then we rub it in by going into the seven eleven to get our drink, almost like toasting ourselves for not being in that predicament.

good stuff here. Ink...

Posted 8 Years Ago


I see this as a comment on how we can "walk around" what we don't care to acknowledge.
Very well told.
I like the way you broke the line about his fisherman's hat.
The only thing I would suggest is that you make it clear that you were a little boy when this happened.

Great write, Ink.
You may not talk much, but when you do, you have a powerful message.
Thanks for sharing!

Posted 8 Years Ago


Ink

8 Years Ago

I always believed that words were a terrible thing to waste.. rather use them less and have those wo.. read more
Angel

8 Years Ago

A very wise saying I must have overheard somewhere:
Better to keep your mouth shut and be tho.. read more
I think this is well written, and the kind of story that should never be neglected.

Posted 8 Years Ago


Ink

8 Years Ago

thank you!
"Three French fries short of a Happy Meal"-- love this line, both for it's literal and metaphorical significance.

Living in CA, and growing up in LA, I have seen this sort of thing all my life, but the feeling never ceases to pull at my heart a little bit. Just the other day I saw a man and a skinny little dog on the corner; he was sitting with his head between his knees and the dog looked just as broke-down. I went into the store, bought a bag of dog food for the dog (just to be sure that he was going to actually feed him) and gave the guy ten bucks. He almost cried...I felt good.

Great moment in time piece with great imagery. Perhaps it could be condensed a little, especially in the first half of the piece, but overall, very nice!

Posted 8 Years Ago


Ink

8 Years Ago

Ah... I'm a LA native as well =p though I've relocated to the bay area. Definitely alot of poverty i.. read more

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413 Views
8 Reviews
Shelved in 1 Library
Added on June 7, 2013
Last Updated on June 14, 2013
Tags: homeless, urban, city, bum, beggar, beg, change, money, poor, street, hobo

Author

Ink
Ink

CA



About
Slowly putting together a compilation of poems that I hope to publish some day. Hopefully sooner than later. When it comes to critiquing my work, please spare the kindness =] I have spent years try.. more..

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