My wife and Ai

when I got my shiny new AI robot home, I never realized that I have finally met my greatest competitor for the attention of my wife

September 22^nd, 2045.

We had one rule before we got married and we stuck to it for our seven years of our married life so far. The rule is �" no kids, no pets and no garden. We both believe that all three makes life more mundane than it is anyway. We decided, we rather experience other things which do not make us put in too much work to take care of that particular thing. Yes, we live in a Condo, Yes, we love our wine, we love our travels, we love our food and we love f*****g, without the need to wake up to a kid’s crying or worry about the pet’s old age or wondering how to resurrect the dying rose plants. Most importantly, we do not need to save for someone’s college �" perfect.

So today, to be exact - September 22^nd 2045, I bought home our first AI robot. Not a bargain deal, not one on sale �" the state of the art, the best money can buy. An AI Robot satisfies all the terms of our one commandment and yet can give us the feeling of having a third yet intimate person in our home.

It was the best thing I ever met. Maybe I should not call it a thing. The robot company is smart �" they do not want you to think of the robot as a thing �" so they have gender specific robots �" you can buy a male or a female robot and you can specify the age also as long as the robot is above 20 years. Yes, they do not want any perverse child labor ideas to be sown into peoples’ minds. Yes, you can buy a 90 year old robot technically if all you want to do is to “serve” the robot as it lays weak and fragile in his bedroom.

 

April 9^th, 2046

I wonder sometimes if my wife likes me more or AI. We named our robot AL �" people keep getting confused and call it Ai. Well, it works either way. The other day �" March 22^nd, my wife bought home a cake and candles �" she wanted to celebrate the 6^th month/half year birthday of Al. Does she even understand that we just bought this robot that day �" not actually made it that day.

For a while I was the guy she asked questions for which she had no clues �" like how many ml is an ounce or do I think if there is life on other planets? Or what did I think about Trump’s 8 years in office? She stopped asking me all those questions. I used to be her go to man to open cans. Even for that she does not approach me anymore. She has a great job too, so she never depended on me for a paycheck for sure. So what am I in her life? Hmm, yes, she does tell me about my mother a lot �" how my mother should go and visit my brother for Thanksgiving. I think she still needs me as her emotional crutch.

 

July 11^th 2046

We had a good, not great, good July 4^th vacation. We includes Al. She booked tickets for him without telling me �" told me it would be a nice surprise to me as well as Al. I tried to tell her that Al has no emotions really �" it cannot be “surprised”. Most probably it knew as you were trying to book our tickets since all our devices are f****n connected anyway. My dear wife is a finance whiz, but technology still is cryptic to her. I was surprised for sure to Al sit between us on the flight. Yes, I could notice, even for a second, my wife keeping her hand on his thigh. Maybe I am imagining things. She bought him swimming shorts �" she never bought me one. Just wanted to make it clear. Why would he need swimming shorts? She says that in case she gets attacked by a shark, only Al can save her. So she made him wear those shorts and sit on the beach in Hawaii. I AM ACTUALLY PLANNING TO PLUCK OUT THE HAIR ON MY CHEST AND GLUE THEM ON AL �" yes, because my wife absolutely loves it but on Al she would worship perhaps.

 

September 21st 2046.

My wife says that she plans to have a special intimate candle light dinner for the three of us to celebrate Al’s birthday. I do not know who is becoming madder by the day. I am mad at Al. My wife seems to be madly in love with Al. I am unable to explain to her a simple thing like �" Al does not eat food. Al does not prefer caviar over a burger or vice versa. No, Al is just a robot, not her husband, not her brother or father or son. Am I being jealous? Maybe. Actually I am jealous of Al. Al has taken up my place in so many things and now at the candle-lit table as well.

 

October 22^nd 2046.

One month ago, on Al’s birthday I was late from returning from work. I knew it was Al’s birthday and I was in no mood to have dinner with Al or sing a happy birthday song to him/it. I dragged myself into our home at 9 pm and not noticing anyone in the living room, I wandered into the bedroom only to find my wife fix a strap on d***o on Al and giving him/it a blowjob �" in my bedroom. I stormed out of the room, went to my attic, got my shot-gun and shot Al.

My wife is undergoing psychiatric treatment for trauma and for her recovery and she says she plans to sue me once she fully recovers. The last I heard, this particular model of Al is flying off the shelves and they announced plans for Al 2.0

Reviews

[Madhusudhan Akundi]

An interesting take on artificial intelligence, relationships and marriage.