Truly Unforgateable (I Godda Say)

A short, somewhat surreal story, wrought with pundrous word play, plus words that are so epic they haven't quite made it into the dictionary yet.

   The juvenile bricks taunted the poor decrepit gate's crusty life, with his creaking back and delinquent jaws. He groaned to himself pathetically as he slammed himself into life's pintulent bintings.

   “He does it to himself,” one bin nearby muttered. “Gets himself wasted and hangs about in dark alleyways.”

   

   “Stop talking such rubbish,” the gate muttered. “You should try it sometime. It's a lonely little life.”

   

   The happy bin ejected an empty bottle of flimpings at his sour attitude. He would have taken a fence, but she wasn't worth his time- he didn't swing that way anyway.

   “Stop hinging on about life's tragic bundings! You choose to turn your back on the outside world and bang on about all those who pass you by while you creak s**t about them,” the bin replied.

   “Utter garbage. You stink!”

   “You're missing the point, binter,” a blunt pencil mentioned as he lay limp on the ground, his lonely little life had surely seen better days.

   “Speak for yourself,” the gate tutted.

   All of a sudden God floated down in his benevolent frying pan of faith, showering the earth with his glorious rainbow river of peace and joy. Everyone basked in its soothing rays and bathed in its healing waters- that is, until God told them to piss off.

   No one could speak a word as this was just far too spectacular and awe inspiring!

   “Oh my god!” a woman cried, as she took out her phone, like many others, and took a few billion selfies, “I forgot to update my Instagram!”

   With that, everyone went on about their humble little lives as usual, up their own arses.

   “Do not fear, my children,” the tiny ant god boomed. (No one did- not because they were calm in the first place though, obviously.) “I bring with me Pringle weed and some bottled glory!”

   The bin had collapsed before her lord and kissed the fountain of truth that was spurting from God's mouth.

   “Give me a break!” the gate groaned.

 

  A holy hammer took it upon himself to honour the Lord as he bravely launched his hammer headed ignorance at the grumpy gate.

   The gate didn't know what'd hit him- until he received a healthy ear bashing from the impulent moron at his side. “You…”

   “You are a disgrace, grumpy guts!” the hammer of peace cried as he pounded him with agreeable insults. “You don't belong in our honourable sliding of destiny! Gate out of here!”

   The Lord of them all descended from his holy frying pan when he witnessed this.

   The hammer gasped. “Such holiness!”

   God nodded. “Yes, I'm afried so. But I've patched it up as best I could and while it is a bit scuzzy I can't afford s**t else.”

   The gate wept on the ground.

   God shook his tiny ant head. “Look at all the paint this poor gate has endured over the years, brother. You can see it in his eyes- browns… whites, blues… and a hint of what might have been green. He is left battered and broken. Kicking a gate when he's down is surely not the way. Let us take mercy on him…”

   With this God released mercy from his golden barn of truth and watched as it pummeled the gate, beating him relentlessly with the doom and despair the ant had collected over the years.

   A binterful black cat with a splinterful bow tie happened on by and witnessed the frilliscosia the universe had been sneezing. Not wishing to get his paws dirty he scooted off promptly with a pack of benevolent snow clouds that were headed south for the winter.

The end

Author's Note

I'm exceedingly curious to see the general response I get with this. As you can probably tell, it's less about the plot-line here and more about the reading experience. How immersive do you find this? What are your thoughts on the unusual wordings? Was it amusing? All the questions!

Reviews

[zanymaybee]

You, sir/ma'am, are a pun/wordplay master. It was amusing and entertaining, no doubt. Had me grinning the whole time and got a few laughs out of me as well. So yeah, nicely done. :D