The Darkest Door

War is Hell...

The Darkest Door

~~~~~~~--†--~~~~~~~

The darkness closes in again -- I do not want this to begin,

try as it might, it musn't win, lest I fall back towards ways of sin ...

It tears at me with sharpened knives, looks on my form with vengeful eyes.

Can you hear the muffled baby's cries? I sit alone and utter-- Why?

The darkness taunts me with faint light, to make me feel that all is right,

yet, I know I must win this fight, so I wage war with all my might...

It began way back in sixty-four ~ back in the Nam, engulfed in war

a tender lad, who days before, excellent in life at twenty-four...

But now, it all has gone to s**t, and here I am, in spite of it.

Why can't God simply make it quit, my shattered soul, so scarred and split?

I flinch from every tiny noise, the giggles of little girls and boys,

runs through my fevered mind like glass, I want it all to end, at last...

The first grown man that I saw cry; my friend, Big Jim, the day he died;

a crumpled letter soaked in blood, when mortar rounds caked us in mud.

"Please, give this to my wife and boy, tell both of them they were my joy"

he closed his eyes as if to sleep, I held him, then began to weep...

I see his face at night in dreams, awakened by my raucous screams,

I never got that letter there, his haunting adds to my despair...

His wife and son, they never knew, I'd buried Jim; he told me to

so Charlie wouldn't defile his corpse ~ listed MIA by the Corps.

I've killed more than I care to mention, with every single new invention,

the Pentagon gave Marines to use -- women, old men, some children too.

Close enough each time to smell their fear, their stares into my brain are seared,

their screaming echoes in my head, malevolent torments of the dead.

I swear, I can't walk through that door, I can't take living any more,

but doors won't stop the darkness" hell... it knows how to get me all too well.

Big Jim"and all you others too"hang tight, Marines, I'm joining you.

Darkness whispers in my ear, come on, Marine, nothin' to fear...

I never hear the shotgun blast, as skull and brain are ravaged fast;

my heart then skips a beat or two, yet here the darkness finds me too.

As everything I'd known before, becomes a puddle on the floor

I thought I'd left the screams behind, that's not the case in hell, I find...

Forever, torment set in stone, I pray to God He'll call me home.

Your home is where you make it, son,  you had your chance, yet still, you shun

my offering to comfort you, there's nothing even I can do.

All those that I had slaughtered there, just sat and watched with baleful stare...






~~~~~~~--†--~~~~~~~

Author's Note

*Charlie" - Nickname given to the Viet Cong Freedom Fighters by U.S. forces.

*MIA - Abbreviation for Missing In Action

Let's face it. Vietnam was a living, breathing horror show for anyone who had the misfortune of being deployed there. They rarely came back home the same as they were before, after they'd seen the things they saw, and did the things they were forced to do...

Changing attitudes toward mental health care mean that veterans suffering from PTSD and other psychiatric conditions are now more willing to come forward. The uncertainties of older age, and possibly the decade-long spectacle of the current wars, may in fact be triggering relapses of PTSD among some veterans.

More attention has recently been given to the prevention of adolescent suicide and suicide in the elderly than to suicide in mid-life.
Recent statistics for the United States show the suicide rate among the 40 to 60 age group is 23.14 per 100,000 for males. These figures indicate that the suicide rate for middle-aged men is actually higher than the rate for men in younger age groups. A critical gap exists in our knowledge about the epidemiology and prevention of suicide in middle-aged men, perhaps reflective of the reluctance of males in this age group to seek help.
Approximately 9.2 million individuals served in the U.S. military during the Vietnam-era period (August 1964 to April 1975), of whom about 3.4 million were deployed in Vietnam. Almost four decades later, Vietnam-era veterans currently make up about 23% of men in the age group of 40 to 60 years old in the US. The estimates of successful suicides among Vietnam-era veterans is astronomical.

Thanks for reading, as always...

Reviews

[gabrielle]

very haunting piece. War is no respecter of children, of women, of the weak or in general, humans. In one of my history class, i learned that at some point, my Asian brothers/sisters were bombarded, like insects, with some chemical solutions to contain them and in the process, even the deployed soldiers were affected and sacrificed. While no one openly admits defeat, we all know, however, that everyone is a loser in times of war.

[PloughBoy]

Agent Orange was the name given to that horrible chemical you're referring to, Gabrielle. And you're absolutely right, there are no winners in was, only losers. Both sides suffer, the innocent and combatants alike.

Thanks so much for your very thoughtful review. I sincerely appreciate it. :)

[Traci]

One who has not experienced such cannot begin to fathom the affects war has. You have brought the aftermath and darkness a soldier faces to light with such honest, raw emotion. I am looking forward to reading more of your work.

[PloughBoy]

Thanks very much for your kind and thoughtful comments, VITD - Traci. I really appreciate it, and I'm very pleased that you enjoyed this rather dark, but all too true, poem.

Thanks so much again, my friend. I look forward to reading you as well.

[Mari K]

Can I just fold you up and stick you in my pocket? I have a huge crush on your works. Please, if you haven't written an anthology that i can purchase, consider it. You are amazing and I need a book.

[PloughBoy]

Thank you, Mari K, you're too kind, and I am honored you feel that strongly. I am working on my first book, and it should be out, if all things go as planned, sometime next summer, in 2015. Thanks so much again for your kind and complimentary review. I sincerely appreciate it, and I'm very happy that you enjoyed the poem. :)

[Sami Khalil]

Your greatness as a writer and a humanitarian shines through in these pages and in our times. Excellent...:)...............

[PloughBoy]

Thank you very much, Sami Khali. That's quite a compliment coming from you, my friend. You seem to have quite a following here on Writer's Cafe. I aspire to your lofty status, and very much appreciate your kind and complimentary review.

[Sami Khalil]

Thank you kindly. You are welcome...:)...................

[A. Amos]

This was deep, honest, poignant piece of art!
You're a great writer my friend, this was amazing!

[PloughBoy]

Thank you very much, A. Amos, I am so glad that you enjoyed reading it. I'm very grateful for your feedback.

[A. Amos]

You're most welcome buddy...

[Glen Yumang Manese]

the depth of this is down right gut-wrenching --- from start to finish...you just let it rip...through you like a bullet to the head...and the reference in your author's note put things in light...with the statistical aspects of what war does to you...

[PloughBoy]

Thank you Glen, and you are right, this one is not based on some mythical monster lurking in the shadows, or some fictional boogeyman. This monster called "WAR" is all too real, and it's aftermath shatters the lives of the innocent and warrior alike. I truly appreciate your excellent review.

[Glen Yumang Manese]

you're welcome...I want to read all your work at one time...since its done with more precision and less mistakes --- takes the editing out of it and makes for more of the enjoyable part of reading it...

[Penlady]

Your poem clearly shows the critical gap between the needs of any human to whom war was a reality and those who are trying to understand and provide compassion remains deep and wide...the constant effort toward narrowing and hopefully finally filling that gap with proper mental and physical rehabilitation...so that those who have given their physical and mental health can somehow go on...I was a young mom with four kids when the Vitnam comflict began and I remember watching the totals of death mount as they were printed in our local newspaper,,,wishing that somehow it would all stop...death is a finality but what you have described in your writing as to the ongoing suffering of the veterans is just too terrible...you capture so much emotion in your writing and convey visions that are very painful to think about....your gift is keeping your fellow humans aware....

[PloughBoy]

Thank you for such an indepth and wonderful review, Penlady, I deeply appreciate it. Many people think that just because the soldier has left the battlefield that the battlefield has left the soldier, but sadly, that's not often the case. Not much was known of Post Traumatic Stress Dosorder, if anything, during the Vietnam era, and thankfully, great strides have been made since then in the research and realization of it.

I'm truly grateful you feel that my gift is helping to keep people aware of things most would rather not even think about, much less write a poem about.

Thanks again for taking the time to review my work. I am sincerely grateful.

[Penlady]

I'm hoping the strides will continue to widen and provide a path of real understanding for all involved...writing like yours provides a perspective and that is a new beginning for each and every person reading your work...many times we touch with our words and always hope it is in a positive manner!

[PloughBoy]

I agree, Penlady. Stephen King (yes, that old horror hound himself, LOL) has one of the best quotes about why writers write that I have ever read. I quote:

Excerpt from Stephen King On Writing: A Memoir of the Craft-
"Writing isn't about making money, getting rich, getting famous, getting dates, getting laid, or making friends. In the end, it's about enriching the lives of those who will read your work, and enriching your own life, as well. It's about getting up, getting well, and getting over. Getting happy, okay? Getting happy. Writing is magic, as much the water of life as any other creative art. The water is free, so drink. Drink, and be filled up..."

Now, if that doesn't say it in a nutshell, I don't know what would.

Thanks again, Penlady! :)

[Penlady]

LOL Guess what? I read that book and now that you've reminded, will look on my shelves and reacquaint myself...I do remember the excerpt...he is exactly right! Horror is not my favorite (actually real life seems to have enough) but I always like to read what is in the makings of different writers and was drawn to King's book...my maiden name is King...I had not thought of that in comparison until this moment...maybe we are related...don't know!

[PloughBoy]

Could be. You just never know.:)

[Penlady]

haven't been here for a while and am fascinated by all the writers I'm newly discovering, your work included...I will comment as I go through...have a great day...

[Frieda P]

I can't even fathom the horrors, aside from what we see in the media and that eye view is a living hell in itself, up close in personal, not sure how anyone survives those atrocities and demons. You've written a very tough subject matter so eloquently, an affecting piece of raw poetry and history's reminder.....

[PloughBoy]

Thanks so much for your kind and thoughtful review, Frieda. This was written for a very dear friend of mine, and is very personal. So your kind comments are all the more appreciated.

[Frieda P]

I do hope he's still around to read it, I've been to the Vietnam War memorial, it's haunting at best...

[PloughBoy]

Sadly, he passed away from the effects of Agent Orange about seven years ago. But he often confided in me about certain aspects of his experiences that troubled him most, and I've always kept extensive notes on nearly everything. Heck, I whipped out a pocket spiral notebook at a Family Dollar store just last week to jot down an idea that just popped into my head, and the cashier freaked out. She thought I was one of those "secret shoppers", LOL... :D

[Frieda P]

So sorry to hear that, not enough he suffered through the war, what a tragedy.

Ha, people are crazy, and they talk about poets!

[PloughBoy]

Yeah, what is up with that, LOL???

[Frieda P]

Have no clue, I've learned to take it all in stride the older I get, there's crazy, and then there's bat shyte crazy....sometimes I fit into both categories, so I can't say much. haha

[PloughBoy]

Neither can I Frieda, I'm afraid. :)

[Frieda P]

Hey, all the best people are a bit daft..... :)

[MomzillaNC]

Oh! Such stark, raw pain… This one is breathtaking in it's imagery, gut wrenching in it's plea…

One edit: "As everything I'd [known] before, becomes a puddle on the floor"

[PloughBoy]

Thanks o much for takjng the time to read and review this for me, MomzillaNC, and for catching that typo as well. I really appreciate that. I am off to fix it right away!

Thanks so much again.:)

[MomzillaNC]

You're very welcome. It really is an excellent piece of fine literature.

[PloughBoy]

You are too kind. :)

[Botania]

"The tree of liberty must be refreshed from time to time with the blood of patriots and tyrants." Thomas Jefferson
What price freedom? I've seen the Vietnam Memorial wall, walked along its length and wept. Yet, we give it all away with the stroke of a pen and the push of the buttons on a voting machine. Sad indeed. Thought provoking.

[MomzillaNC]

Truly, Botania. And, sadly, it's a struggle we've been living with for time immemorial, as testified by Jefferson's quote.

[PloughBoy]

Yes, you are absolutely right. It is very disheartening to say the very least.

[MomzillaNC]

It is disheartening. But… Hope springs eternal. The same humanity that is capable of such pain and darkness, is also the author of tremendous beauty.

BTW, I'd deeply appreciate your input on my post, "Through True Love's Eyes." I struggling with this one, rather unsure of just the right prose.

[PloughBoy]

I'll take a look at it ASAP, MomaillaNC...

[MomzillaNC]

Thank you. And, again, this is such a powerful and amazing work.