Magic 8

Magic 8

A Poem by smalltownsympathies

Do you think me beautiful?
Do the touch of my lips and the gaze from my eyes enough to be able to move you?
Have you ever found me lovely?
Has the laughter of my voice and the kindness in my smile ever swayed you?
Does the thought of me make you happy?
Are the heart-wrenching tears and bitter-sweet cries enough to convince you to stay?
Or will you still leave me behind, anyway?

© 2011 smalltownsympathies


Author's Note

smalltownsympathies
Again, not the best, but I feel as though every writer needs to go through the shitty pieces in order to find the beautiful ones. Just speak your mind, it really helps me.

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Well..you said "speak your mind " so here i go :)

I enjoyed this piece. interesting, original structure. I love what it's about as well, a topic everyone has experienced at some point in their lives. BUT you were right...not your best as far as i can remember your stuff to be like.The piece makes me wonder about the background of it . like ...who is it about...someone you had a close relationship bet left...etc you know? also, you have little grammatical errors that sort of bug at times and really bring down the quality of your writing like

"Do the touch of my lips and the gaze from my eyes enough to be able to move you" which should be "IS the touch of my lips.....move you"

hope this was helpfull :)

Posted 11 Years Ago


nice work here ... one word - 'my' should be changed to ' me'
but dont worry about writing good or bad just write what is real to you
nice job

Posted 11 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.


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Added on May 25, 2011
Last Updated on May 25, 2011

Author

smalltownsympathies
smalltownsympathies

nowhereville, NY



About
16; female. Highly pessimistic. Addicted to the pen in my hand and my love, the only one that holds my heart. Vacant feelings, broad emotions. I am a paradox within my own being. more..

Writing