Hillside Valley

A short imagery piece about a hillside valley during a fall rain storm. Enjoy! Feedback and comments are greatly welcomed! (:

The rain drizzled down as the blackness of night lingered over the hillside,
 pushing the sorbet colors of the late Autumn sunset over the far end of the mountains and valley.
 Bird's songs turn to whispers of the past,
 as mice scurry into the forest to find warmth and comfort,
 and deer quietly disappear into the shadows of the wood.

The trees shivered lightly as their branches creaked in the heavy wind.
The hillside was eerie but calm as the rain picked up speed and shape.
 It came down like arrows in lines, 
and shot through the warmth that had happily filled the hillside earlier in the day.
 It was now bitter and cold.

The village in the valley was motionless.
Movement had seized to exist.
The narrow dirt roads were silent as the light brown dust turned to a mushy mud in the wake of the rain.
The houses were still. 
Some had light flickers of candle light shining through windows and others were completely dark.
It seemed like a shy quiet, the type where you feel like words should be spoken but none are.
The village was dead tonight with good reason.
 A storm was upon the small town.  
Apparently they weren't unknowing. 

Author's Note

This is just my first writing piece I'm posting on here. Excited to start writing more like I used to and get back into the swing of poetry and other writing pieces. Please review and tell me what you think! Feedback and comments are greatly welcomed! (:

Reviews

[Rose of Gondor]

I love the imagery presented with the lines of this poem. Some places I feel like the rhythm of it is rather strange, or uneven, especially the places where there was a rather long line and then a short one. I like the mood of silent darkness you create just entering the poem, it helped me really engage in the writing. This is a beautiful piece that I could see published one day!

[char]

Very descriptive. I like it. :)

[roarke]

A well painted landscape. I live in a similar valley and the description is very real. The last three lines kind of leave me wanting to know exactly what was about to happen or a secret everyone in the village knew.

[Trigorin]

Really fantastic. This is very, very evocative and the image you've presented here is very polished. The one thing I'd be careful is to make sure that you've put your heart into the whole piece - there were a few lines here which didn't really feel like they were your best. All things considered, though, this is very, very well done.

[Popdragons]

Thank you so much! Thinking back I very much agree that some lines could have had more thought put into them. I very much appreciate your review and you have inspired me to go back and think harder about the piece and edit some more.