Five Finger Recovery: Why do I need to replace unhealthy friends with new ones?

June 9, 2014: Five Finger Recovery: Why do I need to replace unhealthy friends with new ones? Please "Share" this new Precious Prodigal Post: http://bit.ly/1pwhno9

Hebrews 10:24 “And let us consider one another to provoke unto love and to good works.”

So you’ve been looking at your friendships, deciding whether they are healthy, and letting go of the ones that are destructive. You’ve also been asking yourself whether you’re expecting more from your friends than is reasonable and evaluating the kind of friend you are. Well done. Now what’s next?

God created us to be social beings...to need others, and there’s nothing wrong with that. There’s also nothing wrong with limiting the time we spend with destructive people, whether friends or family.

Please understand that I’m not saying we should, “kick our family to the curb.” A Christian counselor once told me my ability to develop healthy relationships now and in the future would be in direct proportion to my willingness to work on the relationships I have with my family now. Ouch!

That doesn’t mean your estranged sister has to be your new best friend. It means you have as much of a relationship as possible given the circumstances. If all that person and you can handle is a card at Christmas and an occasional phone call, then do it and be at peace about it. But be open and willing to have more if the opportunity is there.

It’s true that it’s better to be alone than to be in a destructive relationship. However, trying to “go it alone” when we’ve given up the destructive friends isn’t going to work. That’s not the way God made us.

Philosophers of old used to say, “nature abhors a vacuum,” and they were right. You can’t take something away and replace it with nothing, and that includes friendships. If we don’t fill that friendship void with something or someone by choosing, the void will be filled without our choosing. Where are we going to find healthy friends?

Several things come to mind including church, a Sunday School class for your age group, or a civic group that supports something you believe in. You might take a class or take up a hobby or even take up a sport and find a kindred spirit. And I wouldn’t exclude a support group like AA, Alanon or Celebrate Recovery. One thing for sure is that you’re more likely to find healthy people in any of those places than you will at a bar or on match.com.

We need friendships where we can be a mentor and help as well as friendships where that friend is our mentor. We also need friendships where we mentor and encourage one another. And we need to find a balance that works for us...a balance where we “provoke one another to love and good works.” (Heb 10:24)

Jim Rohn said, “You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.” He should know. He spent a lifetime helping people imagine what they could accomplish and then create the strategies that would make it happen.

Trying to make new friends can be a challenge, and it may mean stepping out of your comfort zone. To quote that “deep thinker” Winnie the Pooh, “You can't stay in your corner of the forest waiting for others to come to you. You have to go to them sometimes.”

Challenge for Today: Can you, just for today, look at ways you can seek new friends and improve the relationships you already have?