Am I holding on to a destructive relationship?

June 26, 2014: Am I holding on to a destructive relationship? Please "Share" this new Precious Prodigal Post: http://bit.ly/1pEhopb

Eccl 4:9-10 “Two are better than one; because they have a good reward for their labour. For if they fall, the one will lift up his fellow…”

There is no pain in the world that compares with being rejected or betrayed by someone we love and trust. That kind of pain attacks our own image of ourselves, and it crushes our spirits like no other pain can do.

Telling ourselves that “they can’t give what they don’t have” sounds great in theory, but it doesn’t make the pain less, does it? Truth be told, we have often suffered in the destructive relationship long before that final betrayal. And those destructive relationships are on the list of things we need to lay aside.

Federal agents are trained to identify counterfeit money by studying the genuine. Doing that trains them to recognize a counterfeit. In the same way, looking at what healthy relationships are like will help us to know when a relationship is destructive.

A healthy friend will love us even in the bad times. (Prov 17:17) Loving us doesn’t mean they always agree with us. In fact, they should be willing to gently point out our part in a situation when we can’t see it for ourselves. They don’t become our enemy because they tell us the truth. (Gal 4:6) But when good friends tell us the truth, they do it in love so we will grow spiritually. (Eph 4:15)

A good friend is a wonderful asset. Ecclesiastes 4 tells us that “two are better than one” and that if one of them falls, the other will lift him up.  Good friends use their words to encourage us and build us up not to tear us down. (1 Thes 5:11) Some people seem to be natural encouragers, but they are probably the exception. So I don’t mean to suggest our friends will always have a pep rally going for us. What I am saying is that a healthy friend isn’t going to tear us down, gossip about us, or use their words to hurt us.

In a healthy relationship, people are honest and dependable. That doesn’t mean they’re perfect, and there may be times they can’t “suit up and show up” for us. But we can trust that healthy, loving friends won’t betray us or walk away when we need them most. Unlike Judas, they will not “betray us with a kiss.” (Luke 22:8) In a healthy relationship, people don’t use each other, nor do they abuse one another physically, verbally or emotionally. They recognize it is their job to love people and it’s God’s job to change them.

If that relationship is tearing us down at the same time it’s tearing us apart, why do we insist on holding on to it? If that person can’t love and cherish us for the wonderful gift that we are, we need to let them go. Why do we go chasing after that person that God is trying to protect us from?

I’m not saying it doesn’t hurt. I know it does. I’ve been there, and I remember all too well the pain of rejection and abandonment. But you can’t make someone love you, cherish you, value you or stay with you. Love is a gift and if that person can’t or won’t love you, you need to let them go. There’s great power in recognizing when a relationship is destructive and in letting it go. And you can trust that what they meant for evil, God meant for good. (Gen 50:20)

Challenge for Today: Can you, just for today, take an honest look at your relationships. Can you begin to let the destructive ones go?