Is the problem my prodigal or is it my expectations?

June 27, 2014: Is the problem my prodigal or is it my expectations? Please "Share" this new Precious Prodigal Post: http://bit.ly/1nQ1NAq

John 2:24-25 “But Jesus would not entrust himself to them, for he knew all people…he knew what was in each person.” (NIV)

“Is it too much to ask him to act like a father and a grandfather?” That was the question from a friend on her way to visit her Dad, who was an active alcoholic. I can’t count the times I’ve been asked that question or ones similar to it. I’ve even asked myself that from time to time. I only want my prodigal to do what’s reasonable and right. Why is that too much to ask?

There are several problems with our having expectations, not the least of which is that they are more often assumed than they are spoken. Hubby comes home from work and knows the moment he walks in the house that his wife is upset. When he asks her what’s wrong, her answer is, “Nothing!”

Now obviously there’s something wrong or the emotional thermostat wouldn’t be set on 20 below zero. When he asks again, she might even respond with, “If you don’t know, I’m certainly not going to tell you!” Now where is the common sense in that? It’s amusing on paper, but not so funny in real life. If there’s any chance at all of our expectations being met, we need to verbalize them.

Not only do expectations need to be verbalized, but they also need to be open to negotiation. I understand some things are not negotiable…alcohol or drug abuse, verbal abuse and physical abuse are totally unacceptable. But handing someone a long list of dos and don’ts probably isn’t going to foster cooperation. I’m not saying we shouldn’t set limits, but we might want to consider picking our battles.

The third problem with expectations is that they are so often unreasonable. In his excellent book, Little House on the Freeway,” Tim Kimmel says one of the characteristics of a peaceful home is that people “discipline their expectations.” In saying that, he puts the responsibility for expectations right where that responsibility belongs.

To expect our prodigal to behave responsibly is like trying to lasso the moon. It might be great exercise, but it isn’t going to be very effective. What I told my young friend about her Dad is that she could expect to be equally successful if she went to the funeral home and asked someone in a casket for the next dance.

To expect our prodigals to do the right thing is to set ourselves up for disappointment, and that goes off the chart if substance abuse is involved. That doesn’t mean we should “kick them to the curb” or refuse to associate with them until they “measure up.” Love that has conditions isn’t really love at all, is it? However, setting limits on what we can live with or whether we trust them with our hopes, our dreams, or our expectations needs some careful thought.

Jesus didn’t love the people less because He couldn’t entrust Himself to them. He didn’t entrust Himself to them because He knew “what was in each person.” You and I know our prodigals too. And if we expect something from them that they are incapable of giving us, it isn’t the prodigals who have the problem. It’s us, and it’s our expectations. Like many of the other things we’ve looked at this week, we need to lay those expectations aside.

Challenge for Today: Can you, just for today, take a look at your expectations and ask yourself whether they are spoken, negotiable, and reasonable?